1987 = 2008

Lenny Clark has always told it like it is. For my money, he's the best comedian out there and it's a god damn shame all of his TV work has been so underrated (except for Rescue Me of course). Anyways, HBO aired this clip tonight and its the first I've seen of it. Have a watch and tell me that everything he talks about in 1987 isn't the exact same as it is in 2008. The terrorism, the drinking and driving, the everybody hating America - it's unfuckingcanny.



Now far be it from me to get all political on a sports blog, but what are all these assholes out there talking about when they say this country is a mess. If you're going to sit here and tell me that we are worse off after 8 years of President Bush than we were before he took office, I'm going to tell you that you're on another planet. Lenny performed this skit 21 years ago and the only thing that was different then was his coke habit and those thin ties. Outside of that, we're living in the same world my friend.

Sorry for the two posts in a row with You Tubes. I'm getting lazy, sue me.

Oh Man

This is ridiculous. I can't stand Rachel Ray and I really don't like HJ's (who am I kidding, I love them) but this video made my morning. Whoever spliced this cut deserves an Oscar, pronto.



(h/t Dealbreaker)

My New Hero - Or Another Reason to Rip Wisconsin

Check out this skeevy dude in the background of Monday night's Marquette, Villanova game. Instant classic.

Also, why is he holding a radar gun? Definite spaz.

(h/t - The Big Lead)

Stuff White People Like

In my constant search for new and mildy entertaining blogs I stumbled upon Stuff White People Like. In a word, genius. I spent hours looking up and down the list, studying the eloquent prose. After reading about each item on the list, I found myself nodding in approval. It was all so true. If it wasn't something that I could directly relate to, I could easily think of 5 or 10 white friends that it would apply to. Many of the things listed were universally applicable to the white race. I mean find me a white person who doesn't like Mos Def or Asian girls. Can't do it.

At anyrate, I have re-posted the list for your convenience. I even put the best ones in bold. However, I strongly encourage you to visit the source to get the full write up for each item. I should also mention that the list is growing. There are currently 73 but a handful of new ones are added each week.

Stuff White People Like

1. Coffee
2. Religions That Their Parents Don't Belong To
3. Film Festivals
4. Assists
5. Farmers Markets
6. Organic Food
7. Diversity
8. Barack Obama
9. Making You Feel Bad About Not Going Outside
10. Wes Anderson Movies
11. Asian Girls
12. Non-Profit Organizations
13. Tea
14. Having Black Friends
15. Yoga
16. "Gifted" Children
17. Hating Their Parents
18. Awareness
19. Traveling
20. Being an Expert on YOUR Culture
21. Writer's Workshops
22. Having Two Last Names
23. Microbreweries
24. Wine
25. David Sedaris
26. Manhattan (Now Brooklyn Too!)
27. Marathons
28. Not Having a TV
29. 80's Night
30. Wrigley Field
31. Snowboarding
32. Vegan/Vegetarianism
33. Marijuana
34. Architecture
35. The Daily Show/Colbert Report
36. Breakfast Places
37. Renovations
38. Arrested Development
39. Netflix
40. Apple Products
41. Indie Music
42. Sushi
43. Plays
44. Public Radio
45. Asian Fusion Food
46. The Sunday New York Times
47. Art Degrees
48. Whole Foods and Grocery Co-Ops
49. Vintage
50. Irony
51. Living By The Water
52. Sarah Silverman
53. Dogs
54. Kitchen Gadgets
55. Apologies
56. Lawyers
57. Juno
58. Japan
59. Natural Medicine
60. Toyota Prius
61. Bicycles
62. Knowing What's Best for Poor People
63. Expensive Sandwiches
64. Recycling
65. Co-Ed Sports
66. Divorce
67. Standing Still At Concerts
68. Michel Gondry
69. Mos Def
70. Difficult Breakups
71. Being the Only Other White Person Around
72. Study Abroad
73. Gentrification

This, That and The Other Thing

Good News - I've decided to take a position as a paid blogger on a new site. I've linked to these guys before and now you will be able to see my genious on display over there. Here's the link, bookmark it. http://duelingcouches.blogspot.com

As for the money, I would rather not get into the details. Let's just say its enough to live in Southie but not quite enough for the Back Bay.

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In other items -

I will go on record as saying the winner of tonight's UMass/URI game will get into the Big Dance, the loser will join the NIT. 2nd biggest game of the week behind Memphis/Tenn.

Candace Parker going to the WNBA is bad for college basketball. Like many have said, I will not watch a WNBA game but I watch plenty of Women's CBB action just so I can see her play.

And We're Back

I missed a lot in 11 days. Lots of NBA trade action, all the pitcher/catcher nonsense, Kelly Pavlik beating Jermaine Taylor again and I'm sure plenty of other things I have yet to read about. The biggest news for me was the unveiling of the SI Swimsuit Issue. Ever since my dad would steal these from me as a kid under the guise of me being too young to read it, I have eagerly anticipated the magazine's arrival. I'm no longer a subscriber so I now must buy it at the newstand with all the other pervs in the world but the anticipation is still the same.

Readers of this site will know that this year's issue is a bigger deal than normal for me. During my absense from reality, SI announced the cover would go to seven year vetran Marisa Miller. The issue dropped on February 12th and you damn well know the first thing I did upon arriving in Boston was picking up my copy. I've gone through it about 4 times now and my first reaction can be summed up in two words. Fuck and Me.

Don't get me wrong, there could be a few more photos of dear Marisa but supplemented with the online content it is gangbusters. This means a lot coming from me. I just spent a week and a half in a nation where 75% of the female population under the age of 23 could star in their very own Maxim (or SoHo if we want to keep it local).

I guess the moral of the post is that coming back to this shitty ass city with its shitty ass weather was not easy. The SI Swimsuit issue and its lovely cover have made this reality just a little bit easier.

Hiatus, Bitches

Well I'm off. Romney looks to be on the ropes and with an uncertain political climate at home, I'm heading to the stability that is known as Costa Rica. Good times.

Regular posting will resume on President's day. Until then, peace.

P.S. If boredom overtakes you, head on over to Dueling Couches

Signing Day

Signing day was today. I don't really care. But apparently we were supposed to pick a player to latch on to for his college career. I read Rivals and occasionally scan the EPSN top prospects but other than that it all kind of bores me. Let me know when these guys pick up their first sexual assualt charge or get busted for buying booze for 15 year olds. My pick is Kevin Hart, a lineman from Nevada. I don't know dick about him and didn't really care to find anything out. Allegedly he paid some recruiter to hook him up at Cal. Nobody informed him that blue chip athletes get paid, they don't do the paying. Boy I would love to see this guys SAT scores. Anyways, here's the story as I originally saw it. April Fool's Signing Day

BMack and DP were a little more thorough in their own research. Here are some snippets from the novels they sent in.
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BMack -

I have found my new love in college football. His name is De'Anthony Curtis (Ed Note: The ESPN write up was provided however its long and boring so go to ESPN.com if you really give a shit). This freak of nature will be attending the great school of Arkansas. He is going to be the next Mcfadden, and will win at least one Hiesman Trophy. There are many reasons to enjoy this "Athlete". Take his first name, De'Anthony, any person thats put De', or Ja' in front of thier name has greatness in thier future. JaMarcus Russell, DeAngelo Williams (college), and a personal favorite from back in the day Jamar Tombs (Texas A&M). The next reason to love him is that he has the same last name as my favorite NFL player ever Curtis Martin. So how can we possibly go wrong. De'Anthony will also be in a system that is losing thier top two running backs, and loves to run the ball. With the Arkansas system in place he will get a lot of touches. Playing in the SEC helps a player reach that next level since you will be playing NFL ready athletes on a weekly bases.

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DP

I always get extremely excited this time of year. This is the time that I get to become some young mans biggest fan for the next 5 years. Other people I have loved in the past have gone from Adrian McPherson, Troy Smith, MarcusVick, Josh Freeman, basically black qbs.
The Player who I am choosing to be the next superstar is E.J.Manuel, the 6'5 210 QB from Virginia who recently signed with Florida State.

Ed Note: DP also provided ESPN write up. Still long, still boring. Lots of stuff about strong arms, fitting balls into tight sports, lateral movements, speed, cock as big as a horses, blah, blah, blah. Look it up if you are so inclined.

Site News and NFL Offseason Grumblings

As we are always trying to raise the bar here at Contract Year, I am pleased to announce a new contributor has joined the force. In addition to DP and myself, fellow URI degenerate BMack will be providing fresh content for the site. Both DP and BMack are fortunate enough to still attend URI as they were academically red-shirted about nine times each. If you are in Southern Rhode Island, you can check them out on 90.3 (or stream them live on http://www.wriu.org/) on Tuesdays and Fridays. Or if Comcast continues to fuck us on the game selection, you can hear them call Rhody basketball games on the same station.

With that said, here is BMack's cherry popper -
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Today the Jags signed defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, after he had tried to get the head coaching position with his former team, the Washington Redskins. Williams has had several interviews (like nine) with the Redskins, but Snyder has continued to look for outside help.

This pisses me off. Redskin players have stated that they want Williams as their head coach since the moment Joe Gibbs retired. This team has a core group of guys that include Campbell, Portis, Cooley, Fletcher, Springs, ect... They are built to win as it is right now. All that is needed is a year of stability (you know like one without a changing of the entire coaching staff, or a brutal killing).

Instead Snyder decides to go look for another big name. Listen, get your head out of your ass, unless you can get Coughlin, its a pointless search. What have big names gotten you in the past? Remember that awesome signing of Bruce Smith past his prime? He has to be worst owner in the NFL (and only because Matt Millen is GM not owner). Snyder let the one guy that could have brought stability to his team, and I hope he pays the price. I hope he gets nothing but holdouts, and no one resigns.

Screw you Dan Snyder.

Reaction to XLII

There is not a whole lot left to say. I feel like the Patriots forgot who they were and who got them to 4 Super Bowls in 7 years. They left the blue collar, workman attitude at home and brought some brash, arrogant, privileged sense of entitlement to Arizona. It reminded me of the scene from Two for the Money where John Anthony shows up to work on Tuesday and makes all his picks for the following week without a drop of research. He then offers to make his picks for two Sundays out on Friday. He was untouchable, he just went 12-0 the prior week and brought untold millions to the firm. What happened to Brandon Lang you thought as he whipped around New York in an AMG, rocking $3000 suits. That was the Patriots for the past two weeks. Well, John Anthony proceeded to get humiliated for the remainder of the season and the Pats ended up blowing the most winnable game in Super Bowl history. It makes me sick and I'm not even that hard of a Pats fan. I admire them, I respect them and since Belichick came to town, I have appreciated them. I'm not sure I can do any of that anymore.

That's all I got. DP's got a little more. From a true non-fan.
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Like I said in my first post I despise both of these teams and after watching the Super Bowl my hatred only grew. Here are a couple things that infuriated/amused me. I will start with the G-MEN:

Far too much credit is being taken away from the Giants d-line and given to Sheli Manning. If not for the defensive line the G-Men wouldn't have been in the game. Eli Manning would not be talked about if a couple of tips went the Pats way. If Asanti "get paid" Samuel made a necessary and easy interception, if Merriweather made an interception on the tip, and if not for David "40yards in the regular season" Tyree making the catch of his career Eli Manning would be thrown under the bus.

This was my greatest fear going into the game and has became true. Yes, Eli did heave up a pass that is in the conversation for the greatest play in Super Bowl history. Yes, The Giants completed the greatest upset in NFL history, but if not for the Giants D-line pressuring Tom terrific the Giants would have hardly been a footnote in history.

Brandon Jacobs Sucks, he should be cut and not spoken about at all ever again.

As for the Pats:

It is really, really relieving that I do not have to hear them being called the greatest team in NFL history.

They trademarked 19-0, HAHAHAHA

Junior Seau STILL doesn't have a ring.

Can everyone smell Randy Moss starting to get disgruntled?

Tom Brady was not terrible. In fact, he did what he needed to do to win the game, but its good to see immortals in the football world get knocked down to size.

Is it me or is "The Genius" Bill Belichick the most Classless human being onthe earth. Him walking off the field is absolutely despicable and very Randy Moss like. Fuck Belichick and his arrogance. I hope he doesn't make it to the play-offs ever again. I find that worse than Eli Manning's draft day stunt.

This will be my last Patriots/ Giants bashing. God I still hate both these teams. (At least Jarod Lorenzen gets a ring)

GO CELTICS -- DP

Kevin McHale Can Breathe Easy

It looks like ex-Celtic GM Chris Wallace struck again, trading away all-star Pau Gasol for Kwame Brown, rookie Javaris Crittendon, Gasol's bro Mark Gasol and first round picks in 2008 and 2010. You have to agree that the Lakers hit a home run with this trade. I am not fond of the Lakers and especially Kobe Bryant. However the lakers now have two good centers once Bynam comes back and Gasol is a great passer which you need to be when you play on the same team as the rapist. Also, Gasol has three moreyears left on his contract. As a Celtic fan I definitly do not want to see the Lakers in order to get 17. - DP

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