Perspective of a Non Fan

Since I'm in Arizona for the week covering the Super Bowl festivies (Maxim Party tomorrow night, Penthouse Party on Friday night), I have invited a guest to write some fresh posts to keep content flowing around here. This means I take no blame for any gramatical errors and can't stress enough that none of these opinions are my own. Editing is at a minimum around here - I'm too busy trying to find out what Phoenix did with all the whores since Craig's List shut down the casual encounters for the week. Fucking mormans out here. Who knew.

Hopefully DP will keep posts like these coming and bail me out once and a while.


Going into this weekend’s festivities I have had a hard time deciding who to root for. You see I hate both the Patriots and The Giants so this was my plight. Also, I do not agree with people saying I should not root for anyone, I mean you have to root for someone.

Cons for Pats:

I hate Patriot fans, If you ask any Patriots fan they will say that they were there with them the whole time, but if you think of it were they really? I consider Patriots fans the most fair-weathered fans in the world, maybe even topping the Yankees for worst fans ever.

I hate the Belichick aura. I agree he is a great coach, but don't you think people are a little quick to go to their knees when they think of this guy. Sure you can say "he hasn't had the tools that any other team has" but other than their first Super Bowl victory against the Rams that isn't completely true.

Tom Brady - girls love him and guys want to be him. Fuck that. Up until this year I would have said he was the most overrated QB in the league and that Peyton Manning was indeed a far superior QB. After this season however, I just can't do that, and I would lose all of my credibility if I truly believed that now. He's great and I hate it.

Bulletin material - c'mon at 18-0 is there really a need to start bringing up bulletin material. Plaxico Burress did say his team would win 24-17, who cares, he wants his team to be a Super Bowl champion. Can you blame the guy?

Rodney Harrison, I used to love you when you were on the Chargers, but you lost all credibility in my eyes when you got caught for steroids.

Laurence Maroney (had him), Randy Moss (didn’t have him), Wes Welker (didn't have him), Dante Stallworth (had him) Fantasy football reasons.

Tedy Bruschi - speaking of people getting on their knees and overrating people, this man is by far the worst Linebacker on the team and has been for years and gets all the credit for the defense. It does not make sense how Vrabel and Thomas get completely over-looked to this first class asshole. If the Patriots give up a big play it is due to him.

On the brink of history and the last thing I want to hear is them be called the greatest team for years to come.

Cons for Giants:

To put this in the most non offensive way as possible almost everyone on this team is a GIANT HOMO.

Eli Manning - hated him since he was at Ole Miss, and since his classless draft day debacle I have despised him. There are so many things to hate about Eli - His family, his double stuffed Oreos campaign, his little whiney face every time someone does something bad on offense (usually it is him). He is so over-rated and if not for the Giants D line he would be nowhere close to Super Bowl. He kills the dream that one day Jared Lorenzen, the hefty lefty from Kentucky, will ever play And finally, he just looks like a douche bag.

Tom Coughlin - he looks like an angry ferret, and has a very homosexual smile.

Tiki Barber - he used to play there, nuff said

Michael Strahan - fake sack record, huge gap in his teeth, terrible voice, basically everything about him sucks.

Brandon Jacobs fucked over so many people fantasy wise.

Disrespect Card - we get it Giants, you are an underdog. You do not need to remind everyone, every day on TV. Get over yourselves and focus on the game ahead.

Jets fans - for having their "2nd favorite team" be the Giants. Shows how good of fan you actually are.

Pros of Pats winning the Super Bowl:

Giants fans being unhappy

72 Dolphins who are all bitter old men soon to be rather unhappy.

New York losing again

Seeing Eli never being called a great quarterback for all next season

Eli's moping shoulders.

Pros of Giants Winning:

Seeing Pats fans unhappy

Hearing Pats fans make up excuses about referees, and phantom calls

I’m a Steelers fan and that would be awesome

Hearing the Patriots be called the most over rated team in NFL History

Seeing Amani Toomer win a Super Bowl, and junior Seau not


So after taking this all into consideration, I have to say I will root for the Pats (unless Eli gets hurts and Jared Lorenzen comes in)