The Thing That Really Bothers Me

...is that Brett Favre is continually taking in the shitter and none of this is really his fault.

When it comes to #4, I am as tired as the next guy. My eyes instinctively roll at the mere mention of his name. Like the vast majority of heterosexuals living outside Wisconsin, I strongly dislike Favre. Always have, probably always will. The sad part about this is that it's really not even Brett's fault. He's never said anything or done anything that has upset me in the least. It's more a result of the mainstream media and the weekly hand jobs they have given Brett since he was traded from the Falcons - Madden, King, Berman, Kornheiser and everyone else that has ever broad casted a game, been a part of a pregame show or reported on football at any point in their career. They all slurp so much Favre juice its amazing they have any appetite left for real food (which clearly, they do. See King, Peter and Madden, John).

If it weren't for the MSM, there is a good chance I would admire Favre. What's not to appreciate, the guy is a pain killer addicted booze hound with a sexy wife and all the money in the world. Oh and he just so happens to be one the best quarterbacks to ever play the game.

All this being said, here is my major issue with the current Packer/Favre stalemate. Brett is getting fucked. Hard. You can say he's being selfish or you can say it is his fault for walking away in the first place but what do you expect from a pk addicted booze hound?

I liken his situation to that of a middle aged wife who still brings it but it's obvious her better days are in the rear view. All of a sudden the husband gets eyes for some sexy 25 year old still in her prime. No one is going to fault the husband for jumping ship but once he makes that commitment, there is no going back. The wife is free to do what she wants and if that means banging a 25 year old dude (the Vikings in Favre's case) then so be it. The Packers are clearly delusional in this case thinking they can have both. Sure, we'd all love the option to ditch the old steady wife in favor of some young volatile little thing while keeping the wife ready and waiting as your stable back up but I'm guessing she is not going to go for that. And neither should Brett so good on him for taking a stand and flying out of that shitstain town of Green Bay.

The point is this - If Favre is still good enough to be a top line NFL quarterback (and apparently he is, otherwise, the Packers wouldn't give a fuck who he plays for) then allow him to at least compete for the starting job in Green Bay. By saying Rodgers is their man and they want Brett as a back up or team spokesman or whatever, the Packers are fully acknowledging they want to bang the 25 year old while keeping the wifey around in case 25 isn't quite what they were expecting. As much as I wish it did, life does not work this way.

NFL Determined to Rid League of Crips, Bloods

Right after we get a fun little story about how NFL locker rooms are a really fun place with lots of great homo jokes, we get this gem of a headline right off ESPN.com -

Report: NFL to review tape for evidence of on-field gang signs

Is this what we have turned into as a society? We are now hiring "experts" to analyze old game tapes for the possibility of gang signs? Where might one find these alleged "experts" and how much is their time worth? The NFL has a long standing reputation of never settling for anything less than the best so does that mean they are bringing in Suge Knight and plopping his 400 pounds in front of a TV?

The worst part of this story is the automatic linkage to Paul Pierce's incident in the playoff series against Atlanta. Says one NFL VP -

"We were always suspicious that [gang-related hand signals] might be happening," said Mike Pereira, the NFL's vice president of officiating, according to the report. "But the Paul Pierce thing is what brought it to light. When he was fined ... that's when we said we need to take a look at it and see if we need to be aware of it."

Never mind the fact that it was never proven that Pierce flashed any gang sign whatsoever. Never mind the fact that Pierce's Truth Foundation funds anti-gang programs all over the country. Hey, the NBA has black guys and one got fined for some gang stuff so we better investigate the black folks in our league too. Real logical.

At least one person associated with the NFL has some common sense -

"Guys come from all over the country, and who knows what they're really doing?" Jacksonville Jaguars receiver Dennis Northcutt said, according to The Times' report. "People have got signs for their kids, signs for their fraternities. How do you differentiate who's really throwing up gang signs?

"This is a gang sign," he added, touching his index finger to his thumb to form a squished version of the hand sign for OK. "But at the same time, it's a sign for a personnel group."

Some Positive News From the NFL

Look, I was as sad as the next guy over the retirement of Will Leitch. I was also afraid of what would happen to the most well written blog on the planet. I'm starting to feel a little better on both accounts now that I've sampled a little of the next generation.

Clay Travis penned an absolute gem today regarding the side of an NFL locker room we rarely get to see. Any story that humanizes those that we worship is a plus in my book and the revelation that "No Homo" is the joke of choice in the NFL really made my day.

Writes Travis -

Professional sports locker rooms are one of the last bastions for gay humor. That’s because there’s never been any gay athletes. So, you see, the very idea of anyone being gay is always funny. Which brings me to the first big scoop of my illustrious Deadspin career: The phrase “No Homo” has taken over NFL locker rooms.

It’s everywhere, on every single team, the NFL equivalent of the late 90's Macarena dance. No Homo owes its popularity to the remarkably varied and infinitely complicated nature of its use. Or the opposite. One or the other. It’s applied thusly:

LenDale White says to Vince Young: “Vince, you’ve got great nips. No homo.”

Brilliant.

I have a buddy that has been using this phrase religiously over the past year or two. While I have always gotten a light chuckle out of its use, it never became standard verbiage amongst any social circle I belong to. You can bet that is going to change now that I know Donovan McNabb uses these exact words every time he accidentally grazes Brian Westbrook's ass.

NFL Joke of Choice - Deadspin

Site News and NFL Offseason Grumblings

As we are always trying to raise the bar here at Contract Year, I am pleased to announce a new contributor has joined the force. In addition to DP and myself, fellow URI degenerate BMack will be providing fresh content for the site. Both DP and BMack are fortunate enough to still attend URI as they were academically red-shirted about nine times each. If you are in Southern Rhode Island, you can check them out on 90.3 (or stream them live on http://www.wriu.org/) on Tuesdays and Fridays. Or if Comcast continues to fuck us on the game selection, you can hear them call Rhody basketball games on the same station.

With that said, here is BMack's cherry popper -
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Today the Jags signed defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, after he had tried to get the head coaching position with his former team, the Washington Redskins. Williams has had several interviews (like nine) with the Redskins, but Snyder has continued to look for outside help.

This pisses me off. Redskin players have stated that they want Williams as their head coach since the moment Joe Gibbs retired. This team has a core group of guys that include Campbell, Portis, Cooley, Fletcher, Springs, ect... They are built to win as it is right now. All that is needed is a year of stability (you know like one without a changing of the entire coaching staff, or a brutal killing).

Instead Snyder decides to go look for another big name. Listen, get your head out of your ass, unless you can get Coughlin, its a pointless search. What have big names gotten you in the past? Remember that awesome signing of Bruce Smith past his prime? He has to be worst owner in the NFL (and only because Matt Millen is GM not owner). Snyder let the one guy that could have brought stability to his team, and I hope he pays the price. I hope he gets nothing but holdouts, and no one resigns.

Screw you Dan Snyder.

Reaction to XLII

There is not a whole lot left to say. I feel like the Patriots forgot who they were and who got them to 4 Super Bowls in 7 years. They left the blue collar, workman attitude at home and brought some brash, arrogant, privileged sense of entitlement to Arizona. It reminded me of the scene from Two for the Money where John Anthony shows up to work on Tuesday and makes all his picks for the following week without a drop of research. He then offers to make his picks for two Sundays out on Friday. He was untouchable, he just went 12-0 the prior week and brought untold millions to the firm. What happened to Brandon Lang you thought as he whipped around New York in an AMG, rocking $3000 suits. That was the Patriots for the past two weeks. Well, John Anthony proceeded to get humiliated for the remainder of the season and the Pats ended up blowing the most winnable game in Super Bowl history. It makes me sick and I'm not even that hard of a Pats fan. I admire them, I respect them and since Belichick came to town, I have appreciated them. I'm not sure I can do any of that anymore.

That's all I got. DP's got a little more. From a true non-fan.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Like I said in my first post I despise both of these teams and after watching the Super Bowl my hatred only grew. Here are a couple things that infuriated/amused me. I will start with the G-MEN:

Far too much credit is being taken away from the Giants d-line and given to Sheli Manning. If not for the defensive line the G-Men wouldn't have been in the game. Eli Manning would not be talked about if a couple of tips went the Pats way. If Asanti "get paid" Samuel made a necessary and easy interception, if Merriweather made an interception on the tip, and if not for David "40yards in the regular season" Tyree making the catch of his career Eli Manning would be thrown under the bus.

This was my greatest fear going into the game and has became true. Yes, Eli did heave up a pass that is in the conversation for the greatest play in Super Bowl history. Yes, The Giants completed the greatest upset in NFL history, but if not for the Giants D-line pressuring Tom terrific the Giants would have hardly been a footnote in history.

Brandon Jacobs Sucks, he should be cut and not spoken about at all ever again.

As for the Pats:

It is really, really relieving that I do not have to hear them being called the greatest team in NFL history.

They trademarked 19-0, HAHAHAHA

Junior Seau STILL doesn't have a ring.

Can everyone smell Randy Moss starting to get disgruntled?

Tom Brady was not terrible. In fact, he did what he needed to do to win the game, but its good to see immortals in the football world get knocked down to size.

Is it me or is "The Genius" Bill Belichick the most Classless human being onthe earth. Him walking off the field is absolutely despicable and very Randy Moss like. Fuck Belichick and his arrogance. I hope he doesn't make it to the play-offs ever again. I find that worse than Eli Manning's draft day stunt.

This will be my last Patriots/ Giants bashing. God I still hate both these teams. (At least Jarod Lorenzen gets a ring)

GO CELTICS -- DP

Perspective of a Non Fan

Since I'm in Arizona for the week covering the Super Bowl festivies (Maxim Party tomorrow night, Penthouse Party on Friday night), I have invited a guest to write some fresh posts to keep content flowing around here. This means I take no blame for any gramatical errors and can't stress enough that none of these opinions are my own. Editing is at a minimum around here - I'm too busy trying to find out what Phoenix did with all the whores since Craig's List shut down the casual encounters for the week. Fucking mormans out here. Who knew.

Hopefully DP will keep posts like these coming and bail me out once and a while.


Going into this weekend’s festivities I have had a hard time deciding who to root for. You see I hate both the Patriots and The Giants so this was my plight. Also, I do not agree with people saying I should not root for anyone, I mean you have to root for someone.

Cons for Pats:

I hate Patriot fans, If you ask any Patriots fan they will say that they were there with them the whole time, but if you think of it were they really? I consider Patriots fans the most fair-weathered fans in the world, maybe even topping the Yankees for worst fans ever.

I hate the Belichick aura. I agree he is a great coach, but don't you think people are a little quick to go to their knees when they think of this guy. Sure you can say "he hasn't had the tools that any other team has" but other than their first Super Bowl victory against the Rams that isn't completely true.

Tom Brady - girls love him and guys want to be him. Fuck that. Up until this year I would have said he was the most overrated QB in the league and that Peyton Manning was indeed a far superior QB. After this season however, I just can't do that, and I would lose all of my credibility if I truly believed that now. He's great and I hate it.

Bulletin material - c'mon at 18-0 is there really a need to start bringing up bulletin material. Plaxico Burress did say his team would win 24-17, who cares, he wants his team to be a Super Bowl champion. Can you blame the guy?

Rodney Harrison, I used to love you when you were on the Chargers, but you lost all credibility in my eyes when you got caught for steroids.

Laurence Maroney (had him), Randy Moss (didn’t have him), Wes Welker (didn't have him), Dante Stallworth (had him) Fantasy football reasons.

Tedy Bruschi - speaking of people getting on their knees and overrating people, this man is by far the worst Linebacker on the team and has been for years and gets all the credit for the defense. It does not make sense how Vrabel and Thomas get completely over-looked to this first class asshole. If the Patriots give up a big play it is due to him.

On the brink of history and the last thing I want to hear is them be called the greatest team for years to come.

Cons for Giants:

To put this in the most non offensive way as possible almost everyone on this team is a GIANT HOMO.

Eli Manning - hated him since he was at Ole Miss, and since his classless draft day debacle I have despised him. There are so many things to hate about Eli - His family, his double stuffed Oreos campaign, his little whiney face every time someone does something bad on offense (usually it is him). He is so over-rated and if not for the Giants D line he would be nowhere close to Super Bowl. He kills the dream that one day Jared Lorenzen, the hefty lefty from Kentucky, will ever play And finally, he just looks like a douche bag.

Tom Coughlin - he looks like an angry ferret, and has a very homosexual smile.

Tiki Barber - he used to play there, nuff said

Michael Strahan - fake sack record, huge gap in his teeth, terrible voice, basically everything about him sucks.

Brandon Jacobs fucked over so many people fantasy wise.

Disrespect Card - we get it Giants, you are an underdog. You do not need to remind everyone, every day on TV. Get over yourselves and focus on the game ahead.

Jets fans - for having their "2nd favorite team" be the Giants. Shows how good of fan you actually are.

Pros of Pats winning the Super Bowl:

Giants fans being unhappy

72 Dolphins who are all bitter old men soon to be rather unhappy.

New York losing again

Seeing Eli never being called a great quarterback for all next season

Eli's moping shoulders.

Pros of Giants Winning:

Seeing Pats fans unhappy

Hearing Pats fans make up excuses about referees, and phantom calls

I’m a Steelers fan and that would be awesome

Hearing the Patriots be called the most over rated team in NFL History

Seeing Amani Toomer win a Super Bowl, and junior Seau not


So after taking this all into consideration, I have to say I will root for the Pats (unless Eli gets hurts and Jared Lorenzen comes in)

Jeremy Stevens is a Great Guy

It is early but I am prepared to nominate Jeremy Stevens as the biggest scumbag of 2008. Granted, most of which makes him scum took place long before 2008 but many of the actual facts are only coming to light now and retroactive superlatives are douchy.

I'll leave some of the more disturbing items (rape, attempted murder, 19 DUI's, etc...) to the Seattle Times which published this piece today. Instead, here is an email he sent to one of his sexual assault victims back during his time at the University of Washington -

"i know that you are not going to beliewhat i have to say especially after satterday night but when i got your e-mail today i laughed a first but then it started to sink in and my heart started to break as i read over your words.

"i realize that i have [messed] up and I want to talk to you about being with you and how i can make it up to you. this is not a joke i want to have you in my arms and know that you are mine and ythat nothing that i have done or [a friend] has said caould ever change the way that i feel about you. when i think back to the night that i spent with you by ourselves i wish that i would have done one thing and that is, i wish i would have put ... "

Stevens then describes, in explicit terms, an anal-sex act he wanted to do to her. He closes with: "you whore dont ever utter my name again."

Classy guy. But then again, Mike Holmgren vouched for him...twice.

The story in the Seattle Times is a 'part 1 of 4'. The next few days should be interesting.

Maybe We'll Have to Wait a Year

Two days after announcing he would forgo his senior season at Ole Miss, Michael Oher changed his mind stating that there was some unfinished business back in Oxford. You could tell that it bothered him that he was never able to help the Rebels win a bowl game despite all the personal achievements.

In the present day, to see a marquee athlete leave guaranteed millions on the table just to play another year at the collegiate level is extremely satisfying. Especially in a sport like football, where you never know how far away you are from that career ending injury.

I honestly believe that there is more than just winning a bowl game driving Oher back to school. Graduating college is something he would have never thought possible 8 years ago when he was living on the streets in Memphis. In May of next year, he will be the first in his direct bloodline to receive a college degree, just like he was the first to get his high school diploma. I also believe it would mean something to him to leave a little bit of history at Ole Miss. His adoptive father was a stud point guard for the rebels during the early 1980s and was recently named to the All-Century SEC team.

So in the end I think it is a win, win for everybody. The best news is that the Patriots will likely have a top pick in the 2009 draft after Matt Cassel leads them to a 3-15 record.

With The Seventh Overall Pick...

The New England Patriots select Left Tackle Michael Oher out of Mississippi.

At least they damn well better make this pick. This guy is a freak of nature. He is the next Jonathan Odgen, except 10 times better. I realize the Pats are not in desperate need on the offensive line (like they are at linebacker, safety and QB...you know after Tom retires in February) but it has always been Pioli/Belichick policy to draft the best player on the board. Oher is the best player on the board and there are no close seconds.

Oher started 34 consecutive games over his three seasons with the Rebels and earned All-Southeastern Conference honors each of the past two campaigns, helping pave the way for BenJarvus Green-Ellis' back-to-back 1,000-yard rushing campaigns.

Can you imagine an O-Line consisting of Matt Light at RT, Nick Kaczur at RG, Dan Koppen under Center, Logan Mankins at LG and Oher at LT? Matt Cassel would have the best protection the game has ever seen. And not just for the next year or two, Oher is the type of guy that will make 15 consecutive Pro Bowls.

Am I buying into the hype a little too much on this guy because I read The Blind Side cover to cover in about 6 hours? Probably. But even if that book is only 50% accurate, this guy is the real deal.

If you haven't read it, I would highly recommend it. It is Michael Lewis' best work to date and easily one of the top 3 or 4 sports books ever written.

Big News

I won't pretend to pass this off as my own. Although I could, since too many people have not been turned on to Kissing Suzy Kolber - the greatest blog yet to be spawned. But I won't. I will give credit where credit is due.

Anyways, I have reprinted an entire post word for word (except I corrected one mistake). When it happens, you can say you read it on Contract Year first. Enjoy.

BREAKING NEWS: Brady Contemplating Retirement

As you know, we are not news site. We don't even try to be one. Trying to break news in the blogosphere is like trying to be the first in line at the DMV. Our job is to crack cheap dick jokes and concoct phony dialogues about how big of a tool Philip Rivers is. And Good Lord, is he ever a fucking tool.

Bust something came by our desk last night that we simply can't ignore. And we got to it first! Nice!

I attended Michigan for a grand total of ONE semester back in the mid-90's, but I stayed there long enough to become friends with a guy named Graham (not his real name) from San Mateo, California. If you know your Dreamboatology (and why wouldn't you?) Graham hails from the exact same town as the one and only Tom Brady, and was friends with Brady in high school and all the way through college.

Now I had lost touch with Graham until a while back when he emailed KSK with a link, without actually knowing who I was. Reacquainted, we shared emails over the past year and had some back forth about Brady.

Graham, turns out, remained decent friends with Brady after college and through his rise to stardom. I always prodded him for info about Brady, but he never had much of anything interesting to report. He also became very good friends with Bridget Moynahan when she and Brady were a couple.

Now here's where it gets mildly somewhat interesting.

I wish I could tell you Graham nailed Moynahan (whee!) but he didn't. This is far more innocuous. Since Graham now resides in Los Angeles, and since he sees Moynahan on a far more regular basis than Brady because she too lives there, she gained "custody" of Graham as a friend after the breakup, and he fell out of contact with Brady, who has shrunk his number of close friends as he's grown more famous, in an attempt to safeguard his privacy.

But, in a twist, as Graham has lost touch with Brady, he's learned way more about him as he's become good buddies with Moynahan. And yesterday, he sent me an email that contained this pretty choice nugget.

Dude, Brady's gonna retire. he told Bridget after the season was over he was definitely going to retire so he could help raise the kid. As it stands now, he's pulled between football in Boston, New York where Gisele is, and LA where his kid is. So he said retiring from football would get rid of one of the drags on his time. And after the Pats go 19-0, he knows he'll never top that.

Only reason he'd stay around is to be the first QB to wing five SB's, but he doesn't seem to care all that much. He's the kind of guy that can live without the game.

Indeed. Who needs football when you have goats to milk and models to bang? Anyway, this whole bit of knowledge strikes me as horseshit, with Brady just making empty promises to his lady. It would be like me promising my wife I'll never eat strawberry preserves straight out of the jar in front of our kid again. Oh sure, I mean it at the time time. But do I follow through? Nah.

But Graham says Brady has been talking to friends about retiring for the better part of the season. I asked if Belichick was also going to retire, but he didn't have an answer for that. I have no clue why Graham let me put this out there. But I'm not quibblin'. Nothing he's told me in the past about Brady has been incorrect, so throwing it out there. It's a KSK Exklusive!

So enjoy 19-0, Pats fans. You may be looking at the end of an era.

Monday Morning Douche Bag

Now that Philip Rivers has solidified his place as Sunday Afternoon Douche Bag, its only fitting that we hand out the Monday Morning award. It is not too hard to guess where this is going, especially since it's not yet Tuesday so Easterfuck is out of the running. Yes, I'm speaking of the one and only Peter King.

I realize that bitching about a PK article is only slightly less played out than ripping Bill Simmons. It's been done all over the internet. I get it. But this week, I cannot help myself.

This is supposed to be the Peter Gammons of football. He is the most widely read and somehow, the most respected writer out of the NFL bunch. Yet on the day after what was arguably the greatest divisional playoff weekend in NFL history, he delivers the dud of the season.

For starters, the cover of his column includes a shot of his two favorite players Brett Favre and Tony Romo along with the aforementioned Sunday Afternoon DB. I hadn't read a word yet and already knew what I was in for.

Once into the piece, I quickly realized that the entire thing would be an extended version of his Aggravating Travel section. He basically summarized his travels from Thursday through Sunday in excruciating detail. The thing that really blew my mind was that due to all his traveling, he "caught snippets" of the Pats/Jags. Look, this isn't week 1 anymore where it is physically impossible to catch all the games. This is the playoffs we're talking about here. There were only 4 games played all weekend and all of them were shown exclusively with no overlapping and no interruptions. Yet you caught snippets?

The obvious question is what got in the way of the Saturday night game? I mean it couldn't have been yucking it up in a crowded Green Bay bar with a bunch of hysterical, overweight Packers fans right? Tell me you were travelling or the cable went down, something. Sadly we will never know.

In the offensive awards section, King praised the play of Tom Brady - "New England QB Tom Brady. I wish I'd gotten to see this performance, play in and play out. I caught snippets."

I'll tell you this much, I don't get paid to watch football. Most people I know don't. I watched all four games, "play in and play out". Most people I know did the same. How is it that a guy getting paid well in the six figure range to watch, dissect and analyze games only catch 75% of the action. Tom Brady's completion percentage was 18% higher than PK's watched games percentage. Good news Big Fella, there are only two games on next week.

Hey, but at least this week's column unearthed quality nuggets like this -

Now we had built up a little bit of trust and had been talking for a while. Here came the big guns. "This is going to sound weird," he said. "I dream about this guy. I dream that I'm going shopping with him. I'm not kidding. I'm just saying, we worship Favre."

Follow Up

After having posted that last little blast on our boy TB, I have received some indifferent feedback. That's right, not negative, but indifferent. What in the fuck you ask? I know, I know. In the very least I expected some hate from some TB loving females.

Wait one second??? Females read this site? Well no, not exactly. It was really just me telling some females about my post and them reacting first hand but it's 4 am, I'm bored so fuck it right?

Back to the matter at hand...the attention was INDIFFERENT. You and I both know that every female in the greater New England area has reached climax dreaming of Tommy's chin dimple pressed firmly against their grundle (do girls have grundles?). For a girl to say they were indifferent regarding the golden boy is damn near blasphemy. I would just assume hear that the same girl did not masturbate or did not have mildly inappropriate thoughts about their first college roommate than to hear they weren't sexually stimulated by the greatest quarterback of the 18th, 19th, 20th and 21st centuries.

My favorite part was the rationale. "He's not even a good father" or "He doesn't even have nice hair". Fuck me in the eye. Is this not the same guy who begged Bridge to wear a condom only to relent to her constant promises of diaphragm insertion? Is this not the guy who plays jokes on all of use by purposely fucking with his appearance on all the pregame shows just so we don't all get wet and lose focus on what is important (the game)? The hair? Bad parenting? What is that?

How Does This Happen???

Before -
After -

How does one go from a nerdy looking, flat chested 22-year old boy to a 30-year old stud pulling down the hottest pussy on the planet all while wearing homoerotic scarf's and wallet chains from the late 1990's?

Take a good, long gander at exhibit A. Tom is sporting the body definition of a bowl of Jello. He makes Matt Sarasin look ripped. This looks like a guy that couldn't have lead Northeastern's football team let alone one of the top 4 or 5 programs in college football history.

8 years, 3 Super Bowls (including 2 SB MVP awards), 1 knocked up B+ list actress and 1 world-class super model later he's the object of every female's affection and he's about to lead a real NFL team to the first ever 19-0 record.

I've said it before, I'll say it again - Steroids. The only way all this was possible.

F*ck You, Fantasy Owners

Do you own me in your fantasy league? Did your playoff hopes depend on number 36 getting into the endzone? God, I hope so. As I broke free around the 12 I had a million thoughts running through my mind. Do I go for the half flip into the endzone? Do I casually cross the goal line and mock T.O.? Or do I go for the Randy Moss slow spin? How about none of the above. How about I lay down on the 1 fucking inch line just to fuck with all you dipshit degenerate fantasy jerkoffs. And you want to know the best part? Reid asks me during the 2 minute warning - "Hey BW, you want the TD, game is over just pound that shit in there". I say "no thanks coach, let's let D Mac kneel it out and take the 4 points".

I can't wait for Peter King, Don Banks and Easterfuck to praise my selfless play. I'm going to be a goddamn legend for this shit. Hell they might bring it up at my HOF induction. All the while I'll be picturing the looks on all your sad pathetic faces. Douche Bags.

On Taylor and Tributes

I opened up Week 13 in a local bar with The Ticket so I was able to catch the beginning of all the early games. The Washington - Buffalo game probably wouldn't have been one of the six showing had it not been for the tragic death of Sean Taylor. Instead, it was on half of the available televisions. His passing wasn't quite enough to steal the 60 inch projection screen from Peyton Manning and the Colts (I guess it would take a plane crash involving a third of the team to get that kind of treatment), but nevertheless, I was able to catch all the pregame tributes. The video messages and highlights were moving and the crowd with all their "21" towels made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I noticed the entire league was wearing Taylor's number on their helmets and the Skins had a black 21 patch on their jerseys. This was refreshing to see since I know how difficult it is for the NFL change their uniform policies.

There had been rumors swirling all week that the Redskins would open their first defensive series with 10 men on the field, leaving Taylor's safety spot vacant. At first, I thought what a bad ass way to honor a fallen player. Then I thought wait a second, this is the NF fucking L here. The pregame or halftime celebrations are great but as soon as that ball is kicked off it's go time.

If I am Dick Jauron and I see 10 men out there on defense, I'm dropping Trent Edwards back into shotgun formation and spreading that bitch 5 wide. I'm sending Roscoe Parish and Lee Evans on deep crossing routes on the empty side of the field. My team is 5-6, we are barely clinging to playoff life and here is this opportunity on a silver platter. Let's ram this shit down their throats and maybe let Evans realize a fraction of his fantasy value for the first time all year. I'll make my peace with God at another time; I'm winning this game today.

As it turned out, Buffalo chose to run Fred Jackson (Who?) off the left tackle for a gain of 22 yards. Fortunately for them, they won the game on a last second field goal but if you ask me, they could have had the game won on their first play from scrimmage.

Ten Things I Think I Think

Is that plagiarism? Oh really? Let me get to work on changing it. Sorry 'bout that Pete. In the meantime, here are my football related thoughts from the weekend.

1. It just happened 12 minutes ago, but its good enough to make #1. Ricky Williams, after not taking an NFL sized hit in 22 some odd months, just picked up a first down on his first carry of the game. For that alone, he's my comeback player of the year. Probably why they won't let me have a vote.

2. Since Ricky won't qualify, is it possible to take your team to the Super Bowl, open up camp the following season as the entrenched starter, lose your job due to ineptness only to get it back since your back up is slightly less competent than you and then win comeback player of the year after taking your team to its second consecutive Super Bowl? You think I'm kidding, but this will happen and nobody deserves it more than the Cannon.

3. The Patriots were exposed. It was only a matter of time before this happened but make no mistake, the Eagles showed the rest of the league how to beat the Pats.

4. Even though the Cards couldn't pull it out in the end, it was great to see Sean Morey get some meaningful time. Morey always had the potential to be the homeless man's Wes Welker but for some reason, he was always relegated to practice squads and special teams. To see him grab that 60 yarder setting up a Neil Racker's chipshot was special. Until Racker's chocked.

5. Thank you Tully Banta-Cain for ensuring the Pats will not get a top two pick in next year's draft.

6-9. Irrelevant. I don't like people wasting my time, I won't waste yours.

10. My thoughts and prayers go out to Sean Taylor and his family. It's a terrible situation that you hate to hear about regardless of who is involved.

Quick Hits From Buffalo

Its Tuesday afternoon and only now am I beginning to recover from a hedonistic voyage to the armpit of New York. I've heard plenty of stories but never expected Buffalo to be such a shithole. Their economic plight in the 21st century rivals that of Detroit or Cleveland. You would think they would be happy the eight weekends a year when the Bills play at Ralph Wilson and out of town guests come up and dump their hard earned dollars at local establishments. It would only make sense right? Not even a little bit. Logic is in short supply, probably as a result of the city's proximity to Canada.

Here are some more thoughts and observations from the weekend.

• Ralph Wilson Stadium is a great venue. Say what you will about the city or the state for that matter, but the stadium is a hell of a place to watch football. Not a bad seat in the house. Compare that to Gillette where you need oxygen if you get stuck high enough up in the 300's. There's also something about bench seating that you just can't beat.
• There are two types of Bills fans - Most are scumbag locals who would fight a girl if she was wearing a Brady jersey (don't laugh, this came inches away from happening) while the remaining minority are Canadians sick of the single A CFL product. The Canadians are a little light in the loafers, but much more friendly to deal with.
• The trip from Boston to Buffalo is god awful. 8 hours of pure misery.
• When somebody tells you to hit the strip clubs in Canada, go to the strip clubs in Canada. They are only a half hour away and you might actually get to see some nudity. In Buffalo, the girls are required to wear band-aids over their nips. They are like flesh toned pasties.
• Speaking of the strip clubs, I've come to the conclusion that I have a real hard time distinguishing where the strip club ends and reality resumes. Honestly, it sometimes takes a good two days before it sinks in that you can't actually lear at anything with breasts and 20 dollars won't get you a private showing somewhere out back.
• As for the game, well we all saw what happened there. Give the Bills credit, they played it close for the first 7 minutes.