Perspective of a Non Fan

Since I'm in Arizona for the week covering the Super Bowl festivies (Maxim Party tomorrow night, Penthouse Party on Friday night), I have invited a guest to write some fresh posts to keep content flowing around here. This means I take no blame for any gramatical errors and can't stress enough that none of these opinions are my own. Editing is at a minimum around here - I'm too busy trying to find out what Phoenix did with all the whores since Craig's List shut down the casual encounters for the week. Fucking mormans out here. Who knew.

Hopefully DP will keep posts like these coming and bail me out once and a while.


Going into this weekend’s festivities I have had a hard time deciding who to root for. You see I hate both the Patriots and The Giants so this was my plight. Also, I do not agree with people saying I should not root for anyone, I mean you have to root for someone.

Cons for Pats:

I hate Patriot fans, If you ask any Patriots fan they will say that they were there with them the whole time, but if you think of it were they really? I consider Patriots fans the most fair-weathered fans in the world, maybe even topping the Yankees for worst fans ever.

I hate the Belichick aura. I agree he is a great coach, but don't you think people are a little quick to go to their knees when they think of this guy. Sure you can say "he hasn't had the tools that any other team has" but other than their first Super Bowl victory against the Rams that isn't completely true.

Tom Brady - girls love him and guys want to be him. Fuck that. Up until this year I would have said he was the most overrated QB in the league and that Peyton Manning was indeed a far superior QB. After this season however, I just can't do that, and I would lose all of my credibility if I truly believed that now. He's great and I hate it.

Bulletin material - c'mon at 18-0 is there really a need to start bringing up bulletin material. Plaxico Burress did say his team would win 24-17, who cares, he wants his team to be a Super Bowl champion. Can you blame the guy?

Rodney Harrison, I used to love you when you were on the Chargers, but you lost all credibility in my eyes when you got caught for steroids.

Laurence Maroney (had him), Randy Moss (didn’t have him), Wes Welker (didn't have him), Dante Stallworth (had him) Fantasy football reasons.

Tedy Bruschi - speaking of people getting on their knees and overrating people, this man is by far the worst Linebacker on the team and has been for years and gets all the credit for the defense. It does not make sense how Vrabel and Thomas get completely over-looked to this first class asshole. If the Patriots give up a big play it is due to him.

On the brink of history and the last thing I want to hear is them be called the greatest team for years to come.

Cons for Giants:

To put this in the most non offensive way as possible almost everyone on this team is a GIANT HOMO.

Eli Manning - hated him since he was at Ole Miss, and since his classless draft day debacle I have despised him. There are so many things to hate about Eli - His family, his double stuffed Oreos campaign, his little whiney face every time someone does something bad on offense (usually it is him). He is so over-rated and if not for the Giants D line he would be nowhere close to Super Bowl. He kills the dream that one day Jared Lorenzen, the hefty lefty from Kentucky, will ever play And finally, he just looks like a douche bag.

Tom Coughlin - he looks like an angry ferret, and has a very homosexual smile.

Tiki Barber - he used to play there, nuff said

Michael Strahan - fake sack record, huge gap in his teeth, terrible voice, basically everything about him sucks.

Brandon Jacobs fucked over so many people fantasy wise.

Disrespect Card - we get it Giants, you are an underdog. You do not need to remind everyone, every day on TV. Get over yourselves and focus on the game ahead.

Jets fans - for having their "2nd favorite team" be the Giants. Shows how good of fan you actually are.

Pros of Pats winning the Super Bowl:

Giants fans being unhappy

72 Dolphins who are all bitter old men soon to be rather unhappy.

New York losing again

Seeing Eli never being called a great quarterback for all next season

Eli's moping shoulders.

Pros of Giants Winning:

Seeing Pats fans unhappy

Hearing Pats fans make up excuses about referees, and phantom calls

I’m a Steelers fan and that would be awesome

Hearing the Patriots be called the most over rated team in NFL History

Seeing Amani Toomer win a Super Bowl, and junior Seau not


So after taking this all into consideration, I have to say I will root for the Pats (unless Eli gets hurts and Jared Lorenzen comes in)

Jeremy Stevens is a Great Guy

It is early but I am prepared to nominate Jeremy Stevens as the biggest scumbag of 2008. Granted, most of which makes him scum took place long before 2008 but many of the actual facts are only coming to light now and retroactive superlatives are douchy.

I'll leave some of the more disturbing items (rape, attempted murder, 19 DUI's, etc...) to the Seattle Times which published this piece today. Instead, here is an email he sent to one of his sexual assault victims back during his time at the University of Washington -

"i know that you are not going to beliewhat i have to say especially after satterday night but when i got your e-mail today i laughed a first but then it started to sink in and my heart started to break as i read over your words.

"i realize that i have [messed] up and I want to talk to you about being with you and how i can make it up to you. this is not a joke i want to have you in my arms and know that you are mine and ythat nothing that i have done or [a friend] has said caould ever change the way that i feel about you. when i think back to the night that i spent with you by ourselves i wish that i would have done one thing and that is, i wish i would have put ... "

Stevens then describes, in explicit terms, an anal-sex act he wanted to do to her. He closes with: "you whore dont ever utter my name again."

Classy guy. But then again, Mike Holmgren vouched for him...twice.

The story in the Seattle Times is a 'part 1 of 4'. The next few days should be interesting.

More Duke

The weekly rankings came out (Duke remains in the 3 spot behind the only two undefeated teams left) and with them came the newest installment of bracketology. Personally, I do not put much faith in Joe Lunardi because its highly unlikely that he is even 25% right this early in the season. However, I do enjoy his commentary - especially this week.

Unfortunately, his columns are behind the brick wall on the four letter (if you have insider, click here). For your edification I have re-posted the highlights here.

Clearly, the Bruins did something that will never be repeated. The expansion of the NCAA field and the melding of geographic regions make it an unthinkable feat. Just matching the seven straight championships would require winning 42 tournament games in a row.

As Bill Walton would say, it's un-BEE-LEEEVE-able.

But it may no longer be the singular accomplishment in the history of the college game. As dynasties go, what Mike Krzyzewski has done (and is still doing) at Duke deserves a legitimate mention. Perhaps twice.
All of this is brought to mind by today's bracket. You'll see the Blue Devils as a projected No. 1 seed for the first time this season. No surprise there; Duke is a regular on the top line of the bracket, right?

But did you know how regular? If this year's Blue Devils actually attain a No. 1 seed (and even if they don't), no team has ever -- and I mean E-V-E-R -- come close to being this good for this long. Whether you find it magnificent or monotonous, the numbers are the numbers:

• From 1999-2006, Duke was a No. 1 seed seven times in eight years. The Blue Devils won just one national championship in that span, but were no worse than one of the four best teams in the country - and usually better than that -- in all but one of those seasons. I call this dynasty "Duke II."

• The "Duke I" dynasty came from 1986-1994. In that nine-year period, despite receiving a No. 1 seed just twice, the Blue Devils advanced to the Final Four seven times (including five straight from 1988-1992). So, at minimum, Duke won four straight NCAA Tournament games -- same as the UCLA title teams -- seven times in nine years. Three times the Devils won five straight in a single tourney (losing the championship game in 1986, 1990 and 1994), sandwiching their consecutive 6-0 title runs in 1991 and 1992.

It's not 10 national championships in 12 years, as the Wizards of Westwood achieved, but I'd say it's equally unthinkable. Seven No. 1 seeds in eight seasons (and quite possibly eight in 10 years if the current Blue Devils stay put) for Duke II; seven Final Fours in nine seasons for Duke I.

As an achievement, my vote stays with UCLA. For difficulty, Duke has surpassed that. Twice.

Don't Look Now

But this year's Duke team is well on their way to a fourth national title (as predicted by this guy a few short months ago).

For the first time in a long, long time, The Blue Devils entered the season without a ton of hype. Expectations were rather low and while they were certainly expected to finish in the top 3 in the ACC, nobody (except me) thought they would be the 3rd best team in the nation at the end of January. Everybody called them too young, too inexperienced, too short, too slow, too white, too whatever.

Well here we are, basking in the glow of a Maryland defeat (the same Maryland that edged Final Four favorite UNC). For Duke, it was their second road win in 5 days and their seventh straight win since the tough road loss to Pittsburgh back in December. Tonight's win was especially refreshing given that they had to play from behind in a hostile environment. They also had to play without Lance Thomas, Greg Paulus and Kyle Singler due to early foul trouble.

Once again, Demarcus Nelson put the Devils on his back and carried them down the stretch. Its no coincidence that Nelson was named as a mid-season candidate for the Naismith and Wooden POY awards prior to the game.

Say what you want about their chances come March but this team will definitely be a tough out for whomever is unfortunate enough to draw them.

You Know Who You Look Like?

This guy Trevor I used to know in high school.

Who the fuck cares? Do I know Trevor? No, I do not. So what exactly was the point of telling me I look like him? I hate that shit. It doesn't matter who it is, I've heard it all.

I guess the worst case scenario would be a "hey, you look like my ex-boyfriend Steve". Not only is it annoying as fuck but I really can't see how that would help your cause. "Oh really? He used to beat the shit out of you while watching midget porn? Seems like a great guy. Anyways, I'm nothing like him." Tell me how that works out for you.

Slightly less aggravating? The "has anyone ever told you that you look like celebrity x?" Yeah, I hate that one too. Even if its a great celebrity, no chance you will ever live up to him. Maybe it is a D-list celeb, either way the guy is D-list for a reason. Probably a reason you do not want to be associated with.

The only thing more annoying is the do you know "x" game? Tell someone you went to the University of Bumfuck and they will pepper your ass with 20 'do you knows'. There was a time in my life where I would get legitimately excited if I could answer yes to one of these. Now, as soon as I hear the 3-word preface I'm tuned out. By the time you get the name out, I'm already balls deep in some broad halfway across the bar (figuratively speaking of course).

Is this what we have been reduced to as a human race? Stupid games about who we know or who we look like? Do the French do this? How about the A-rabs? I would guess no on both accounts. Something tells me they are a bit more sophisticated. So why must we resort to this time and time again? I just don't get it.

Trading Athletes

In the premiere issue of Portfolio Magazine, Michael Lewis (author of The Blind Side, Moneyball and Liar's Poker) penned an article entitled "The Jock Exchange". The basic idea behind the article is that with all the innovation that has taken place in the finance world over the past 25 years, why has nobody created an exchange where we could trade athletes.

Athletes are really not much different than stocks, bonds, commodities or any other asset. Their value is based on supply and demand and they have fair values assigned to them by what the market is willing to pay. Just like a stock, an athlete can be overpriced (think JD Drew and Google) or they can be severely undervalued (David Ortiz and JP Morgan).

As we find out in Lewis' article, the infrastructure is already in place thanks to a company called Protrade (http://www.protrade.com/). Currently you can only use pretend money to trade but all of the logistics are the same.

If this ever went mainstream, the ramifications would be huge. The ability to have a financial stake in the success of an individual player would revolutionize the sporting landscape. Teams would be able to hedge their bets (for instance Theo would probably be short about 2,000,000 JD Drew shares) and sponsors could do the same. Fans could put their money where there mouths are and institutions would have a new way to diversify their funds.

The simple idea of all this taking place has had my mind spinning since the moment I read the article. Imagine my glee when I discovered we might be one step closer to making this a reality.

With no exchange ready to handle the business, one minor league pitcher is striking out on his own to raise a little capital.

Via Marginal Revolution -

Randy Newsom, relief pitcher for the Cleveland Indians, is selling 4% of his future major league salary. There are 2,500 shares in the IPO so each share gets you a claim to 0.000016% of his future salary including bonuses. Shares sell for $20 each.

The fundamentals are pretty simple. Randy gets $50,000 up front and the buyers get a tiny stake in his future. Granted, this guy is a nobody and statistically, his odds of making to the big leagues are rather slim. Worse case scenario, you plop down a Jackson on the guy and he's a bust. But what about the upside? He only needs to make 1.25 million over his career for you to break even (ignoring opportunity costs of course). What if he is the next Mo Rivera? If he brings down half of what big Mo has received over his career, your $20 is now worth $560 (a %2600 return).

I'll admit, this is one small step towards my ultimate dream of being able to buy and sell humans from all walks of life. But it is a step nonetheless and progress is progress. Let's not forget, in 1980, mortgages were something that consumers bought from banks and banks held onto until you paid them back. In 2008, everybody and their mother owns a piece of the mortgage market and they are the primary cause behind the unraveling global economy.

In 2020, we'll be looking at our next financial crisis except this time it will be caused by an athlete bubble led by the overvaluation of Patrick Patterson, Kyle Singler, Jacoby Ellsbury, Darren McFadden and OJ Mayo. I can't wait.

Maybe We'll Have to Wait a Year

Two days after announcing he would forgo his senior season at Ole Miss, Michael Oher changed his mind stating that there was some unfinished business back in Oxford. You could tell that it bothered him that he was never able to help the Rebels win a bowl game despite all the personal achievements.

In the present day, to see a marquee athlete leave guaranteed millions on the table just to play another year at the collegiate level is extremely satisfying. Especially in a sport like football, where you never know how far away you are from that career ending injury.

I honestly believe that there is more than just winning a bowl game driving Oher back to school. Graduating college is something he would have never thought possible 8 years ago when he was living on the streets in Memphis. In May of next year, he will be the first in his direct bloodline to receive a college degree, just like he was the first to get his high school diploma. I also believe it would mean something to him to leave a little bit of history at Ole Miss. His adoptive father was a stud point guard for the rebels during the early 1980s and was recently named to the All-Century SEC team.

So in the end I think it is a win, win for everybody. The best news is that the Patriots will likely have a top pick in the 2009 draft after Matt Cassel leads them to a 3-15 record.