Anatomy of a Genius

17 weeks ago I made my first pick in a suicide pool I entered for the 2007 NFL Season. I remember it like it was yesterday. I took Seattle at home against Tampa Bay. In hindsight, this was the dumbest pick I made all year. I do not remember my logic at the time other than trying to avoid burning any gimme teams. It was not like this was Seattle's easiest game on the schedule but I used them either way.

Since making this decision, I have made 16 other correct ones and now stand at the top. 850 people attempted to do the same and failed, miserably. (There were actually 4 others who went the distance but for the sake of argument we'll assume I was alone.) I have never really won anything like this before, at least not anything with any serious money at stake. Who knows if I will ever reach this point again, so allow me to gloat a while.

The last thing I want to do is make this seem like it was a tougher feat than it really was. I'll be totally honest with you, it was pretty easy. I had no strategy other than trying to avoid road teams. The goal every week was to keep it simple. The people who lost out usually did so by trying to be too sexy with their picks. For me, it was look at the schedule, find the most obvious game and take it. The picks were straight up, there were no spreads involved so there is really no excuse for making dumb picks. Here are some real stupid picks I saw along the way -

• Week 1 - Jacksonville vs Tennessee. Cost 86 people dearly.
• Week 2 - Cleveland at Cincinnati. So many better games on the schedule. It was week 2, not 14. Not a smart pick and another 80 found out the hard way.
• Week 10 - New Orleans vs St Louis. After nine weeks, you're telling me the best you could do was a sporadic Saints teams? Chicago or Buffalo would have been fine choices.
• Week 12 - Arizona vs San Fran. Are you really going to stake your hopes to an NFC West teams? This cost 30 people who were so close to the prize.

Why would anybody make those picks? If you want to make the argument that you were trying to get some questionable teams out of the way early (Jax in week 1 or Cincy in week 2) I can kind of see that but it all goes back to getting too cute. Some advice to you amateurs - never look more than a week down the line. You have to win today to play tomorrow, use some common sense.

Instead of berating the picks of others, I guess I will share a little bit of perfection with you. Below are my picks, all 17 of them. Scan the list, admire its simplicity and as a result, its genius. Oh and please don't tell the IRS.

• Seattle over Tampa Bay
• Denver over Oakland
• Pittsburgh over San Fran
• Dallas over St Louis
• New England over Cleveland
• San Diego over Oakland
• New Orleans over Atlanta
• NY Giants over Miami
• Washington over NY Jets
• Buffalo over Miami
• Philadelphia over Miami
• Indy over Atlanta
• Minnesota over Detroit
• Green Bay over Oakland
• Tampa Bay over Atlanta
• Jacksonville over Oakland
• Cleveland over San Fran

Second Half

Pre Game
First Quarter
Second Quarter

3rd

Ray Allen before the game said he had an “odd” feeling playing in Seattle, well its time he gets
over it and quick. Pierce and Garnett are the only ones doing the scoring while Rondo needs to do something offensively or defensively I don’t care (that was hard for me figuring I have a man crush on him) Delonte is manhandling him more than (enter any rape joke here) but Boston needs to get some motivation and not let Seattle run with their fast break, their transition defense needs to be there. The ball on the offense has not been moving around like we have seen earlier this year. Three words will win the Celtics this game and that is DEFENSE, DEFENSE, DEFENSE and the bench needs to do something.

Ok it’s the start of the third quarter. Sloppy play in the first minute. Again the ball movement is terrible on the Celtics end, and Seattle gets the ball back and takes their first lead on a Wilcox dunk. Sonics 48-47. Pierce and Durant trade threes. Boston has had great ball movement all game, Garnet gets an and 1 with 9 minutes left. Ray ALLEN finally for three, I’m starting to feel a little momentum shift the Celtics way. Just as I say KG doesn’t get to the line he shoots 8 so far.

A little rant - TNT camera angles suck, it’s like sitting in the bleachers.

RONDO FINALLY DRIVES IN THE LANE AND GETS FOULED. Hit’s the first, misses the second 61 to 57 Boston with 4 left in the 3rd. KG looks a little tired as he loses the ball, I think pollard will replace him when play resumes. Durant goes down the other end of the court and gets fouled after making a lay-up and makes the free throw. KG out Pollard in. Wally and Delonte are both back in. 65-63 Boston on top. The Truth has 11 points in the 3rd quarter and thank god because the rest of the team is playing like shit. Pierce makes that 13 points. So far I am a believer in Kevin Durant; he looks like the real deal he is the only one keeping the Sonics in the game.

At the end of the 3rd Boston is leading 70-67 thanks to Pierce’s efforts. Again we need guard play because eventually pierce will run out of steam. KG had a healthy rest coming out of the game with 3 minutes left in the 3rd so hopefully he is refreshed for the fourth quarter. Wally and Delonte kind have settled down and stopped being ridiculous which is a good thing going into the fourth quarter.

4th

Boston starts the fourth with House, Pollard, Posey, Pierce, and t. Allen. House hit’s a quick 2. Pollard picks up his 3rd foul on Delonte who misses both but Collision tips it in. HOUSE FOR THREE AND GETS FOULED. I’ll tell you those Arizona guards can shoot. Pollard picks up his 4th. JESUS CHRIST Paul Pierce is amazing and you can contribute that to the excellent ball movement in this second half. Eddie House has come off the bench with 7 points in the 4th quarter making it an 81 to 72 point game.

Things have calmed down a lot in this second half. Eddie House has been great along with the Truth. This run has also been going on without KG or Ray Allen in the game. Paul’s on fire with 30 points in 36 minutes. The thing that really changed this game was the transition defense which has only allowed 4 fast break points in the second half. Kg in for Pollard. PIERCE FOR THREE AND FOULED he is playing like a man possessed. Missed the free throw but whatever. Posey for three got it. 9 of 17 for 3 point in this second half. You got House, Pierce, R. Allen, Posey and KG in so it looks like we got our bombs away squad in. Boston has pulled away to a 91- 77 lead and seems like another game of same shit different day. However I will wait until my closing before I get too far ahead of myself.

Boston is 9/13 so far in this quarter. Delonte gets an up and under for his 17th point to make it a 93-81 game. But KG gets fouled on the other end of the floor. On another rant I hate Chris Wilcox I think he sucks, I hated him in Maryland and hate him now. He’s a waste of time along with his teammates from the Terps Lonnie Baxter and Juan Dixon. All wasted draft picks. Meanwhile it is an 11 point game Delonte got it down to a nine point game but KG responded and got the lead back to double digits. With 2:30 left in the game earl Watson makes it an 8 point game. KG will go to the line again. Hits both of them. 10 point lead with 1:30 left. As the game gets to the end here comes the fouls, Pierce gets fouled on the inbound and hit 36 and 37. With 44 seconds left the score is 104 to 94 and pretty much have this game wrapped up. But I will tell you what this game scared me for a little bit. It seemed like Ray Allen was sort of out of it, Rondo was a non factor, but when it came down to it The Truth set himself free and Eddie house was unbelievable off the bench. This team regained its composure. And like it should be the better team won and the Celtics are 11 and 1 in the month of December.

Second Quarter

Pre Game
First Quarter

Second Quarter

Celtics are starting the second quarter with t. Allen, pierce, house, Posey, and pollard. Eddie house knocks a quick deep 2 down. Everyone questions this second unit for the Celtics but I really like it. I think not only are they quality players, but I would put our bench against most teams benches. They don’t only manage but they sometimes take over games.

Wally just scored 5 consecutive points but the Sonics are still down by 5. Meanwhile Paul Pierce goes to the free throw line and is it just me or does Paul always look like he smells something bad? Pierce knocks down both free throws. I am a huge Tony Allen fan but the more and more I think of him I can’t stop thinking of the barstool article relating him to Wily Mo Pena - some games he frustrates the hell out of you and other nights you question why he isn’t starting in this league. Pre injury last year Tony Allen played like a superstar and I believe once he gets all healthy he will be the explosive player he once was.

With 8:57 on the clock the Celtics are up 32 to 27. Pierce our R. Allen in. As much as I downplayed Delonte earlier I do miss him and his growth, he is a baller he can just play and will do what he needs to do to try to win. KG in Pollard out. Wally ties the game up at 32 with 7 min, but Posey ends the run with a 3. Watching this Seattle team it reminds me of the Celtics of last year. Rondo in for House. Tie game at 37 with 5 left. The Celtics need to settle down right now they are not playing like the passing team we’ve seen for the first 25 games and we are letting the Sonics control this game, exactly what happened with the Pistons.

Delonte and Wally have been keeping the Sonics in this game, they obviously smell revenge, we need ray Allen to stop being the nice guy and start bombing up some threes like we all know he can. Being a Celtics fan I am getting very frustrated at the way they are playing. Seattle has 7 turnovers but yet the score is still tied. Jesus for three…… got it, assisted by Rondo. KG blocked 2 consecutive possessions by Seattle. KG great pass inside to perk for the 2 and the foul. But Perk dishes the freebee. What the fuck is going on with Wally and since when did he become great. We need Rondo to start being a factor on the offense. 42 to 41 with 3 min left. Boston takes the time out. I’m about to pull my hair out right now, they are playing like shitheads, and I don’t know how they have 9 assists and zero turnovers. It doesn’t make sense how this is a one point game. They are letting Seattle run and that is where their game is the strongest. Doc needs to start pressing and make them more aggressive on defense or Seattle might be more trouble than they need to be.

Rondo steals the ball passes it quickly to Garnett and Delonte West commits an extremely hard foul, Garnett looks pissed. If I was Delonte I’d shit myself after seeing how pissed he was. Garnett hits one of 2. Kevin is pissed and hits an impossible jumper. Meanwhile the Celtics are playing like shit, and guess who is leading the charge, Delonte and Wally. At this point I must be sounding like a broken record, but they are showing some heart right now while Ray Allen seems to not even be playing. So at halftime the Celtics are up 47-46. I’ll break down the points now: Boston KG 14 points, 7 reb, 2 assists, pierce 11,3,2 perk 8,7 rondo 0,3,2 meanwhile Seattle Durant 8,3 Wally 12 points Delonte 11,3,6 and as you can see that is the whole game. I praised the Celtics bench earlier but so far they are MIA while Seattle’s bench has been unbelievable and Wally and Delonte are killing us. I’m going to take a break and cut myself over how their defense has been playing and how they are playing in general.

First Quarter

Pre Game

First Quarter

Since I’m in Canada and only one station plays basketball games I have to wait until the Cavs vs. Mavs game is over. Well while I’m watching this game I will comment on a couple of things: 1) I hate Dirk I think he is over rated and people should stop sucking his dick 2) WHY the fuck does Erick Dampier have a job I could do just as good of a job than him and 3) what the fuck happened to Larry Hughes remember him? Yea, not many people do; he used to be a factor in this league. Another little rant to is on Damon Jones, Damon Jones sucks and has always sucked, he has been making a fuss to get traded - a guy who has averaged 7 points for his whole career should have no leverage at all for where he goes, just because he is a veteran doesn’t mean anything. Hey Damon shut it and be a “Witness” to Lebron James and realize in his rookie year he accomplished more than you did in your whole career. Meanwhile Cleveland is winning by 5 with 1:20 left in the game. 10:48 pm Lebron Hammers the nail in the coffin with a thunderous dunk game over.

Anyways here comes the Celtics game at 10:48 your time 11:48 my time. Before the game Seattle honored Ray Allen for being a nice guy but seriously let’s get on to the Celtics vs. Sonics.

The Celtics start out with their normal 5 Rondo, Allen, pierce, kg, and perk and Seattle starts with earl Watson, pg Kevin Durant sg, Chris Wilcox pf, Damien Wilkins gf and Kurt Thomas as center.

Garnett with first points in the game, I have to say it is sad to not hear Tommy's raspy voice. The thing that Boston has a knack of is passing the ball too much, which is difficult to be a bad thing. So far Boston is doing exactly what they should be doing in pushing the ball up by Mr. rondo. The main guys that we need to do is make sure Durant is not comfortable shooting and not get Chris Wilcox into the game. Pierce has the honor of guarding Durant which will be difficult for him. Kg staring off the game hot with 7 of the first 9 points.

With 5:50 in the game the Celtics are up 9-6 with perk about to head to the line. If you have watched all season perk has been very shaky with his free throws and fouling problems, but I figure if he can average 7 points and 7 rebounds it will be gravy for this team. The one thing I wished KG did better would be getting to the line more, I was looking at his stats and he only
averages 4 free throws a game if he can get that up to 7 or 8 that would be great and very conducive for this team. Perk sinks both free throws to make him and Kg the only scorers of the game. Pierce is struggling a bit offensively so far, but he will be able to bully around the wiry bodied Durant. With 4:00 in the 1rst ray Allen scores his first points than Durant responds with a three the score is 15-12 Celtics. Like I said earlier Paul was able to score his first points of the game by bullying Durant in the paint. With 2:00 left in the first Boston leads 20-14. So far in this game Durant looks like the real deal offensively scoring with a certain type of ease. WALLY enters the game and turns the ball over like a schmuk. KG out Pollard in. big surprise Wally steps out of bounds another turnover for Wally world. With ray Allen the thing I have been most impressed with is his cleverness in driving to the hoop. Delonte also checked in, and knocks down a three. So at the end of the first Celtics up 24 to 19. So far the Sonics have been hanging
in there but we have yet to see the firepower of the big three yet.

A C's Post? Why Not.

And not just any old post, it's live blog time.

Dave Pearce will be live blogging this game from Canada. If you do not know who he is and and you are from the Rhode Island area listen to 90.3 WRIU on Tuesdays and Fridays from 12:30-1 where he is the host of the “Sports Guys” as well as the play by play AND colorman for your #25th ranked Rhode Island Rams.

Pre Game

Since I'm watching this in Canada, it'll be one of the few games I will not get to here any Tommy Points.

When I first think of this game you think to yourself this is the second game in a row on a West Coast trip and when you talk about the west coast, you automatically think that the west is going to produce good teams. Well as the beast of the east (fuck the pistons) the Celtics held the Sacramento “Queens”to only 69 points. The next victim will be the Seattle (maybe Oklahoma)Sonics who will suit up some familiar faces. During last years draft we traded our first round pick (Jeff Green) along with Delonte West and Wally “World” Szerbiak for Ray Allen and a second round pick which we used on Big Baby Glen Davis. So far it looks like a good trade for us figuring Delonte “don’t call me injury prone” West and Wally are bench players, where as Ray Allen has re-emerged as a superstar in a different type of green.

Seattle is a team that is in certain disarray with an 8-20 record led by rookie Kevin Durant. In the off season they lost both Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis which forced the rookie Durant to be a young leader. Like I said earlier just because they are a West Coast team does not mean that they are good.

Opinions on the trade: well I loved Delonte, hated Wally and we didn’t need to get any younger so for Danny Ainge's ass saving off season I believe it was a move you had to do. Especially if that will lure you Kevin Garnett out of Minnesota. As much as I “believed” Delonte West was going to once be a star in this league I can see him being no more than a solid all around player for instance, a Chucky Atkins type of player. I don’t even want to talk about Wally cuz he just sucked and was a waste of time for everyone. Jeff Green I loved at Georgetown and I hope he has a good career but the Celtics didn’t need a player that is decent but not great at everything. Ray Allen spreads the floor making it easier for Pierce to penetrate and when KG gets double-teamed an easy three points because he will likely be wide open. Plus he is Jesus Shuttles worth.

What I have noticed most about the past couple games was the emergence of my favorite player on the team Rajon Rondo. I love the fact that the pass first point guard is starting to get more comfortable with his jumpshot. That will do everything for the boston Celtics if people have to start guarding him closer and will ultimately leave one of the “Big Three” wide open. And ifanyone cares the holiday bowl score is 28-10 with Texas in the lead.

So Roger Goddell is the new Bud Selig?

Who thought the NFL would turn into a bunch of pussies when push came to shove? I sure as shit did not. The way the Commish has been handing out fines and suspensions (not to mention revoking first round draft picks), it looked like there was no way in hell the Pats/Giants would be seen on any network other than the League's own.

Not only did I think the league would toe the line, I honestly believed it should have. It is their product, they have the right to show it however they want. This is the last game of the season the NFL Network will show and other than a few jokes, there has really been no outcry over the prior half dozen. In fact, I consider those that missed out on the prior Thursday night/Saturday night games to be quite lucky. They were not forced to experience the Bryant Gumble show in all its glory.

Now all of a sudden there are few records on the line (most notably the 16-0 "perfect season") and everybody is an activist. There are cries from all walks of life to open the game up and show it on a network we all can watch. John Kerry even took time out of his busy *yawn* schedule to pen a masterful letter to Rog. At first, the grassroots efforts appeared to be DOA. The League announced the game would remain on its network. Why the change of heart?

Grow some balls, tell the spineless politicians and toothless, redneck fans the game stays. You want to watch it, pony up and pay the $5 a month to add the NFL Network. Its $5 and as soon as the game is over you can call up and cancel it. Or you could keep it and get a whole plethora of offbeat sports networks along with the NFL's. Either way, it is $5.

A Real American Pastime

I hate the winter. I hate everything to do with the winter. More than anything, I hate the snow. It is not even Christmas yet and we already have 3 goddamn feet of the shit. I will be miserable from now until March. There is, however, one huge silver lining to my misery.

Snowballing Cars.

There is no single act on the planet that provides the cheap, wholesome thrill you get after douching an unsuspecting motorist with a grapefruit sized ball of snow. Why I am able to get such a rush off this is beyond me. It probably has something to do with the fact that I have the mentality of a 14 year old. Either way, I love it.

I added a new twist during the most recent snowfall - Attacking Cabs. Walking home from the bar I must pass 50 of them. The best part is, there is no shame in doing it and there is no chance they are going to stop and chase you. When I was a kid, it was all about the chase. If the driver didn't stop, half the fun was zapped right out of it. I'm too old for that shit now. I don't need to be hiding behind snow banks and cutting through backyards trying to get away from some pissed off lowlife stupid enough to chase a kid around. No, I want to stand right out in the open, hit the car and move on with my life. That is what makes cabs so great. Especially if they are carrying passengers.

Company Xmas Parties

So far we have kept it all sports for the most part so excuse me for getting off track.

Tonight's topic is Company Xmas Parties. Mainly how mine was cool but how I work with a bunch of pussies.

For clarity's sake, let's paint a picture. A Shitty Fanuel Hall bar, You, me and 500 others from J.T. Marlin's Boston offices. (seriously, 1st person wins a prize...JT Marlin, where is it from?)

The night starts well. Real well. Everybody is getting fucked up and why not right? As time wears on, we have some guys bailing. No big deal, we have the crucial pieces still in place.

Then 10:00 strikes and all hell breaks loose. All of a sudden it's back to the old high school pit parties and people got curfew's and shit. Fucking crazy. 30 year olds with places to be. And don't even get me started on the two 30 (40) year old's who couldn't even bless us with the courtesy to show up due to prior engagements - delivering presents to the needy (queer) and shoveling the driveway after 2.67 inches of snow (also queer).

Seriously, we are talking 2.67 inches on the drifts or two free drink tickets. Hmmmmm let me think about that. You spend 364 days of getting hard ons looking at that cute broad from tax and here is your chance to cop a cheap feel on your way to the bathroom yet you'd rather go shovel a few inches of snow? Good on you.

Thank god to the young blood in the family. Thank god to the recent college grads who still remember how to live for two seconds. Once a year. This is all we get.

I will tell you this much....we have 364 days until the next one and if I am the last one standing again then fuck you all. You will have let me down and I will forever be disappointed. Again. You Homos.

Cherry Popping Reader Response

Less than two months in existance and I'm already getting reader email. I've decided to publish it in its entirety, read it if you want. Or don't, I don't give a shit. Pretty excellent points though.


Ok so who's the real victims here..... is it the fans, the students, or us the sports voyuers... It's simple the process.... 1st) the school for conducting an interview in May of last year and waiting through two starting QB's and a sh*tty bowl invite to act swiftly & punish those involved. 2nd) the learning specialist ( yeah exactly)....

"The investigation then found the learning specialist also typed papers for five students who apparently didn't qualify for that service and a tutor provided answers or other unethical assistance to 23 students for online tests. The testing involved a single course, which was not identified."

I mean really helping out someone that didn't qualify to have papers typed for them.... Oh please, please let me know what qualifies one for such a service???? Maybe 10 cracks at the PSAT & SAT before getting that milestone 700...I'm sure that guys destined for a fulbright.

And lastly, us the media public... Why, for buying into the guise that these guys can log more travel time than most CEO's, more practice time the tiger woods, all while 'diligently' working 4 hrs plus practice time & their 'full class schedule'. Just think how tired you'd have to be in order to forget you have a test, not go to class to realize you miss said exam, and then miraculously receive a passing grade all unbeknownst to you.... Shame on us for not standing here aghast that the athletic middle youth does all it can to get an edge, the real nightmare is that although shocked we are not suprised. So a bowl loss and a 3- game suspension later these guys will be all back at it again at some other institution. I'll bet Bowden's goofy j-oakleys on it.... as long as dollars reign supreme all will be fine in tallahassee when Nole's get back to the top 10....

Who's Really Getting Screwed Here?

So Florida State is suspending upwards of 25 players for their upcoming bowl game against Kentucky on December 31st. On the surface this looks like an open and shut case. Student athletes were involved in a cheating scandal, they were caught and now they are paying the price. All in a days work.

I'll admit, I took this at face value when the story broke. But now that the hangover is gone, I'm starting to rethink my position here. Is it me or is the timing of this all a little suspect? This was not a one time deal where some meathead athletes got the answers to a final and used them accordingly. Instead, this was a whole cheating ring involving several academic staff members. Basically a bunch of Jim Harrick Jr's running around down in Tallahassee.

The school has been aware of the problem (which has probably been going on since Bobby Bowden took over the program back in 1937). So why announce results and consequences of the investigation now? Why not wait until next semester? Wisconsin faced a similar problem back in 2000 when half of its football team was suspended for four games as well. Except you know when those players served their suspensions? At the beginning of the season when the Badgers played Western Michigan, Oregon, Cincinnati and Northwestern. They went 3-1 over this 4 game stretch and all of these games counted for shit.

Would that have been too much to ask from FSU? I guess so. Instead, they are screwing over the rest of the team that wasn't involved (or wasn't caught). They are screwing the seniors who will not get a chance at redemption. They are screwing over the student body who bleeds, sweats and cries Seminole Garnet(its a color...look it up asshole). They are screwing future students who will not have the same access to scholarship money since the school will now get a smaller payout after losing the Gaylord Bowl(I swear to God, that is the name of the bowl. You can look that up too). They are screwing the paying fans at this shithole bowl in Nashville Tennessee. And they are screwing the Kentucky team who will now barely have to show up to win this thing.

But most importantly, they are royally FUCKING me by completely fucking with the line for this game. Do school officials not understand the importance of bowl pick'em leagues going on around the country? Do they consider this at all when they make these harebrained shitstain decisions? Now I don't know what to do. This was a high confidence game that I now must relegate to the bottom of my list. Thanks, dicks.

F*ck You, Fantasy Owners

Do you own me in your fantasy league? Did your playoff hopes depend on number 36 getting into the endzone? God, I hope so. As I broke free around the 12 I had a million thoughts running through my mind. Do I go for the half flip into the endzone? Do I casually cross the goal line and mock T.O.? Or do I go for the Randy Moss slow spin? How about none of the above. How about I lay down on the 1 fucking inch line just to fuck with all you dipshit degenerate fantasy jerkoffs. And you want to know the best part? Reid asks me during the 2 minute warning - "Hey BW, you want the TD, game is over just pound that shit in there". I say "no thanks coach, let's let D Mac kneel it out and take the 4 points".

I can't wait for Peter King, Don Banks and Easterfuck to praise my selfless play. I'm going to be a goddamn legend for this shit. Hell they might bring it up at my HOF induction. All the while I'll be picturing the looks on all your sad pathetic faces. Douche Bags.

This is Not Good

Say it ain't so Rocket.

Jose Canseco was playing for the Blue Jays in 1998. On or about June 8-10, 1998, the Toronto Blue Jays played an away series with the Florida Marlins. McNamee attended a lunch party that Canseco hosted at his home in Miami. McNamee stated that, during this luncheon, he observed Clemens, Canseco, and another person he did not know meeting inside Canseco’s house, although McNamee did not personally attend that meeting. Canseco told members of my investigative staff that he had numerous conversations with Clemens about the benefits of Deca-Durabolin and Winstrol and how to “cycle” and “stack” steroids. Canseco has made similar statements publicly.

And

Later that summer, Clemens asked McNamee to inject him with Winstrol, which Clemens supplied. McNamee knew the substance was Winstrol because the vials Clemens gave him were so labeled. McNamee injected Clemens approximately four times in the buttocks over a several-week period with needles that Clemens provided. Each incident took place in Clemens’s apartment at the SkyDome. McNamee never asked Clemens where he obtained the steroids.

There is plenty more in the 409 page journey known as the Mitchell Report.

Huge Omission

How was Alex Curran (wife of Liverpool star Steven Gerrard) left off Co-ed's Top 20 list? Take a good, long look at the above photo and then ask your cock Alex Curran or Jenna Jameson?

Slam, Bitches

The Original 81 got back doing what he does best - verbal assault.

Taking a break from Philly bashing, TO went after ESPN personalities(way to be original TO, nobody has ever done that before) Keyshawn Johnson and Bill Parcells.

Some of my favorite cuts are below -

"I challenge him to come down here and take my job. ESPN producers, let him go."

"I'm probably the reason he's in the booth now. He's going to be a hater and throw me under the bus because he has to defend Bill. He won a Super Bowl and all, but you'd have to check the roster to know he was even on the team.

"We came out in the same year. He was a first-rounder and I was a third. Go compare our stats. He couldn't come down here now and be a third or fourth receiver on this team. Just compare our stats."

"Those guys are probably talking about me, chopping it up, drinking coffee. They can have their little pity party and talk about me all day long. It doesn't bother me."

Good times in the D. Hasn't really been a good year for Keyshawn after the whole losing a job to a guy he told to stay in college and getting cut by a team that won't win seven games.

The Best Father - Son Tandem in Sports

The Jimmy Barons win this award by default. Although Jimmy the son will not be able to match his father's coach of the year award with a player of the year (Greg Paulus will be taking that home), this season will be quite a memorable one for the Rhody Rams.

I was going to wait a few weeks to make sure this little run of theirs was legit but the team has started to garner some national attention so here is my shameless alumni gloating.

At 10-1, this is best start for the Rams since the Dustin Hellenga days. Probably even before that, I don't care enough to look. They should be 11-0 but they choked against Boston College in what could have been the team's marquee win come resume time. In the five games since the BC meltdown, Rhody has blown out Toledo and Northeastern, won convincingly against UNH and Providence, and prevailed in a thriller at the Carrier Dome against Syracuse.

It was that last win at Syracuse that started drawing some interest. ESPN.com has URI at #5 in their Mid-Major Top 10 while Andy Katz designated the Rams as his team of the week. Katz has also praised the A10 as a whole fairly regularly this season. The AP poll has URI at #31 and the ESPN/USA Today puts them at #29. Not that I put much stock in RPI rankings before February, but URI comes in at #20 there while they play in the 6th ranked conference.

Want more? How about the picture up above - taken directly from SI.com's College Basketball front page. The attached story is a Seth Davis piece about the rise of the A10, a good read if you have the time.

Oh and who could forget - Dan Shanoff calls out URI as a mid major team to watch.

Where was all this attention during my four year tenure in Kingston, RI? Dickie V came to campus once but only to witness St Joes finish off a perfect regular season. Other than that, I think the ProJo sent a few interns down a couple times a year but that's about it. I feel robbed.

CO-ED on Crack

So that shitstain Maxim/Stuff Ripoff Co-ed Magazine (oh but they are so edgy, they only exist online) put out their annual "Top 20 Sexiest Athlete Wives of 2007". Color me unimpressed.

That picture above is Elin Nordegren. You know, Tiger's wife. Obvious number 1 right? Wrong. She rang in at the 3 spot. Jeff Garcia's wife (Carmella DeCesare) took home the top price with Scott Podsednik's wife (Lisa Dergan) coming in second. I can't really complain about the top 3 though, all are worthy of consideration.

Instead, my real complaints lie 4-20. All names are linked to Co-ed's profile pages.

4. Adriana Karembeu (Christian Karembeu)
5. Veronica Varekova (Petr Nedved) - Divorced this year. Why does she make the cut?
6. Stephanie McGwire (Mark McGwire) - She's ok but where is Clemen's wife?
7. Jennifer Scholle (James Blake) - Should be 4. Why do shitty athletes score grade A tail?
8. Abigail Clancy (Peter Crouch) - Gross.
9. Jamie Kotsay (Mark Kotsay) - Very underrated. Probably the most respectable on the list.
10. Eva Longoria (Tony Parker) - Seriously? She's lucky to be top 50. Unless this is hot?
11. Danielle Lloyd (Teddy Sheringham) - Hottest natural brunette on the list. Should be 5.
12. Jodi Ann Paterson (Michael Andretti) - 8 years removed from Playmate of the year. Old.
13. Jenna Jameson (Tito Ortiz) - They aren't even married and she has ISSUES.
14. Vanessa Bryant (Kobe Bryant) - Hot at 19, now she's just the girl that drove Kobe to rape.
15. Jennifer Walcott (Adam Archuleta) - Sexy, but not wife material. Doesn't belong on list.
16. Willa Ford (Mike Modano)
17. Anna Benson (Kris Benson) - CRAZY. And not exactly hot. Plus, she's a former stripper.
18. Ingrid Vandebosch (Jeff Gordon) - Another top 50 candidate. Way too high here.
19. Cheryl Tweedy (Ashley Cole) - Very sexy, extremely underrated.
20. Aleka Kamila (Peja Stojakovic) - Also underrated. 19 and 20 should be 7 and 8.

I will give Co-ed some credit. They left of Posh and Arod's wife. Outside of that, I think we could spend all day arguing who got left off. I mean Christ, where is Shonda Schilling?

More Mayweather

Need some more reasons why this guy is as bad ass as it get? I mean other than the scintillating knock down in round 10 on Saturday night -

Most nights, Floyd Mayweather Jr. hits the red carpet with more diamonds than Lucy's sky.

In the city that's seen a galaxy of big spenders, the 30-year-old welterweight champ is the reigning king of flash and cash.

Name a nightclub or strip club and Mayweather has likely rained thick wads of $100 bills on the crowd, often $10,000 a night. That doesn't include the Cristal champagne he showers on his entourage and club patrons.

"I've seen him (make it rain) at least 20 times in the last couple years," said Branden Powers, marketing director for Forum Shops hotspot Poetry, formerly OPM, one of Mayweather's favorite haunts.

"Pound for pound, he's the best tipper," Powers said. (h/t Las Vegas Review Journal)

Thats right, Floyd likes to make it rain with 100's. Pacman, for comparisons sake, likes to make it rain with singles and its not even his money.

The Most Exciting Athlete of My Time

At 25, I certainly run the risk of calling this one too early but I feel pretty confident in this much - Floyd Mayweather is the most exciting athlete I will ever bear witness to. There are so many superlatives you can label an athlete with and I really think I have seen all the best. The most clutch in Tom Brady or David Ortiz, the most Dominant in Kelly Slater or Michael Jordan, the most talented in Wayne Gretzky and these are just the general ones. To be the most exciting is as high as it gets for me. Sports exist to excite, plain and simple. Nobody has brought excitement to their sport more than Pretty Boy Floyd.

Boxing has been dying a long, slow death in the US since it peaked back in the 1950's. There are several reasons for this, the biggest being the rise of team sports such as football and basketball. Maybe also because American boxers have largely turned out to be nutbags. Tyson began raping, biting and tattooing his face, Foreman gained 200 pounds and started hawking shitty grills, and Evander decided that age ain't nothing but a number and got beat down by a dude some 13 years his junior. Those are just the big names. Let's not forget Peter McNeelly and Vinny Pazienza - borderline amateurs but first class psychos.

Given boxing's loss of relevancy in the US, it is tough to imagine the most exciting athlete coming from that arena but it really speaks to the person, not the sport. His record is what it is. He is the greatest to come around in a long, long time. He's never lost a professional fight and he's really only been challenged a handful of times. He's constantly fought the best and won convincingly fight after fight. That is not what makes him so exciting. The excitement comes from his brash, arrogant style. In a world of political correctness and touchy feely press conferences where opponents awkwardly jerk each other off, it is so refreshing to have a guy that talks so much shit and BACKS IT UP. Sure Joey Porter talks shit, he's guaranteed how many wins this year? The 'Fins are 0-12. Ray Lewis runs his mouth, the Raven are bound for a top 12 draft pick.

We want athletes to raise the bar as much as possible. We want coaches to challenge their team by insulting their opponent's. How great would it have been if Bill Belichick stood up there before the Ravens game and questioned why the spread was so small. Instead we got to listen to him fellatiate Ed Reed for three solid days. We never have to worry about that when it comes to Mayweather. Take the following quotes from his recent chat on ESPN -

"I'm not going to predict a round, but I can guarantee you he won't make twelve."

"I'm being honest, I haven't had to adjust to his approach. Whatever he tries to do will not matter, because I'll dictate what happens come Saturday night."

"My legacy is already secured. I've proven that by winning six titles in five weight classes in under nine years. This is a great, great fight because I know he's going to bring his best. He doesn't want to let his country down. There will be over 30,000 Brits coming over to the U.S., which is great for the sport. I just relish getting in that ring come Saturday night and proving everybody wrong who thinks he has a chance."

There is no doubt in my mind he will back this up come Saturday night. There is a very good chance that this could be Mayweather's final fight. Then again, we thought the same thing following the De La Hoya fight. For our sake, I hope we are wrong again. If this is the last hurrah then cherish it for what it is worth. We will probably never see another athlete like this again. Whatever you do, make sure you are in front of a TV on Saturday night and pay the $60 to watch the fight, you will not be disappointed.

Live Blogging the Vicky Secret Fashion Show?

Not a chance.

Never been too good at typing one handed and I wasn't down for channeling Jim Abbott this evening. So instead, here are some quick thoughts during one of the 9 minute commercial breaks.

• What exactly does it take to get front row treatment at this show? I mean clearly the cutoff was D-list right? How else do you explain Lauren Conrad and pals in every 13th camera shot? I love me some Hills as much as the next guy but those girls don't qualify for front row at a Sparks game. Also, Eva Longoria? No thank you.


• I appreciate the whole Heidi Klum, Seal angle but let's not over do it. I get it, you guys have a great marriage and it is oh so special that such a sexy human being could be enthralled with such a disfigured one. No more prime time make out sessions please.


• Marisa Miller is the sexiest thing on this planet. Its not even open for debate.


• The Spice Girls were terrible in 1996 and they are terrible now. Their performance made Ashley Simpson's SNL appearance look genuine. Posh could not have looked less involved. Not to mention she was easily the worst looking of the five of them. The next person who tries to tell me how hot she is gets a pencil in the eye.


• Ok, maybe the Miller thing is open for debate. Adriana Lima is definitely in the conversation. But for my money, I'm still going MM. When Lima gets in touch with her musical side, let me know and I will reconsider reconsidering. http://www.withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=2135

Alright, time for a sandwich and back for round 2.

Leave it to Juice

This is priceless.

Mourners also included actor Andy Garcia, whose niece, Jackie Garcia, was Taylor's girlfriend and the mother of their child; and O.J. Simpson, whose children attended the same high school as Taylor.

O.J. Simpson? Seriously? If you were O.J., wouldn't you get the willies just being at a funeral for a young adult cut down in his prime? Apparently not. In addition to just showing up (no mention of whether his kids - the ones that actually knew Sean Taylor - were with him) he also decided to inject a little flavor into an otherwise somber event.

Simpson expressed sympathy for the relatives of those arrested, as well as for Taylor. "It's horrible, not only for him, but for those other four families," Simpson said. "There are four other lives that are gone."

I guess it's only natural for one cold blooded murderer to sympathize with a few others.

On Taylor and Tributes

I opened up Week 13 in a local bar with The Ticket so I was able to catch the beginning of all the early games. The Washington - Buffalo game probably wouldn't have been one of the six showing had it not been for the tragic death of Sean Taylor. Instead, it was on half of the available televisions. His passing wasn't quite enough to steal the 60 inch projection screen from Peyton Manning and the Colts (I guess it would take a plane crash involving a third of the team to get that kind of treatment), but nevertheless, I was able to catch all the pregame tributes. The video messages and highlights were moving and the crowd with all their "21" towels made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I noticed the entire league was wearing Taylor's number on their helmets and the Skins had a black 21 patch on their jerseys. This was refreshing to see since I know how difficult it is for the NFL change their uniform policies.

There had been rumors swirling all week that the Redskins would open their first defensive series with 10 men on the field, leaving Taylor's safety spot vacant. At first, I thought what a bad ass way to honor a fallen player. Then I thought wait a second, this is the NF fucking L here. The pregame or halftime celebrations are great but as soon as that ball is kicked off it's go time.

If I am Dick Jauron and I see 10 men out there on defense, I'm dropping Trent Edwards back into shotgun formation and spreading that bitch 5 wide. I'm sending Roscoe Parish and Lee Evans on deep crossing routes on the empty side of the field. My team is 5-6, we are barely clinging to playoff life and here is this opportunity on a silver platter. Let's ram this shit down their throats and maybe let Evans realize a fraction of his fantasy value for the first time all year. I'll make my peace with God at another time; I'm winning this game today.

As it turned out, Buffalo chose to run Fred Jackson (Who?) off the left tackle for a gain of 22 yards. Fortunately for them, they won the game on a last second field goal but if you ask me, they could have had the game won on their first play from scrimmage.

Finally

It only took 17 games for the greatest college 3-point shooter of all time to score in the 2007/2008 season. I guess that's kind of unfair. He's only played in 6 games this year for a total of 37 minutes, 17 of which came last night. Hopefully, his most recent performance will earn him a little more playing time. 4/5 overall and 2/2 from 3-point land is one way to impress your critics. Personally, I couldn't be happier for the guy. I might not be dead yet in my wager that he'd be starting All Star games by his 5th season in the league.

Raw Tempo

After watching Duke annihilate another opponent on their way to a 7-0 start, I was curious to see how the national media would react to their early season success. Duke came into the game ranked 7th in the nation so it is hard to say they have been ignored. At the same time, this is a team that ended a largely disappointing season by going out in the first round of the NCAA Tournament last March and only got worse since then by losing their only "superstar" to the NBA draft. The Devils were not able to sign any marquee recruits other than Kyle Singler while the rest of the country seemed to get bigger and better. To say the least, there were no expectations coming into this season. I felt lucky to see them mentioned in the back half of a top 20 preview.

Before last night's game, there was talk of being overrated at #7 since they really only had one quality win (albeit an impressive one against Big East power Marquette). I think its safe to say we can put that overrated talk to bed. Wisconsin was not just a second quality win. Granted, they are not as good as they were last year with Alando Tucker, but they still have size and they will compete all year long in the Big 10. Size is something Duke clearly lacks. Their biggest starters are a couple of undersized 6'8" guys and they only count one bench guy over 6'5". Even with this huge disadvantage, they have only been out-rebounded once all year - last night 42-40.

Duke has moved away from its traditional balanced game and now possesses one of the best speed games in the country. With a healthy Greg Paulus running the point and an extremely capable backup in Nolan Smith, the Devils can afford to push the tempo without risking the turnovers. In addition to the improved guard play, they finally have some finishers on the other side. Gerald Henderson can jump out of the gym, Singler can hit from anywhere inside of 30 feet and they have 6 legitimate 3-point shooters. As a team they are shooting over 45% from behind the arc.

All of this brings me back to the title of the post. Anybody who has watched Duke play the past few seasons knows how frustrating games became when they fell behind. Their style of play was slow and they really kept possessions to a minimum. Well, here is some real proof that all this is changing. The hoop prodigies over at Kenpom (http://www.kenpom.com/), keep track of a statistic called Raw Tempo. This statistic tracks the number of possessions a team averages in 40 minutes of play. Pretty simple really. Duke's average since 2002 has been in the 50's which is pretty much near the bottom of the ACC and well below national averages. This worked well when the team was stocked with guys like JJ Redick (41 points on 13 shots against Texas in 2005) and Sheldon Williams banging down low. Without consistent scorers, playing for as few possessions as possible does not bode well for long term success.

Through the first seven games of the 07/08 campaign, Duke has increased its Raw Tempo well into the 70's. This jump is huge, they are averaging 20 more possessions a game now. Even more telling is what they are doing to their opponent's Raw Tempo. Anytime you can get your opponent to play your game at your speed, the chances of victory improve dramatically. In six of the first seven contests, the Blue Devils have brought teams up to them. Marquette already plays a fast tempo game which makes the W in Maui even more impressive.

You might think this optimism is somewhat carried away. After all, we are talking seven games here and nobody believes in mean reversion more than I do. But you can not discount the changes in this years squad compared to any Duke team in this decade. They are deep, they are fast and they can score at will. It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the nitty, gritty months of January and February. If I was a betting man, and it is really only laziness that keeps me from degenerate status, I'm putting my money on a 26 win season. Good luck Tar Holes.

Ten Things I Think I Think

Is that plagiarism? Oh really? Let me get to work on changing it. Sorry 'bout that Pete. In the meantime, here are my football related thoughts from the weekend.

1. It just happened 12 minutes ago, but its good enough to make #1. Ricky Williams, after not taking an NFL sized hit in 22 some odd months, just picked up a first down on his first carry of the game. For that alone, he's my comeback player of the year. Probably why they won't let me have a vote.

2. Since Ricky won't qualify, is it possible to take your team to the Super Bowl, open up camp the following season as the entrenched starter, lose your job due to ineptness only to get it back since your back up is slightly less competent than you and then win comeback player of the year after taking your team to its second consecutive Super Bowl? You think I'm kidding, but this will happen and nobody deserves it more than the Cannon.

3. The Patriots were exposed. It was only a matter of time before this happened but make no mistake, the Eagles showed the rest of the league how to beat the Pats.

4. Even though the Cards couldn't pull it out in the end, it was great to see Sean Morey get some meaningful time. Morey always had the potential to be the homeless man's Wes Welker but for some reason, he was always relegated to practice squads and special teams. To see him grab that 60 yarder setting up a Neil Racker's chipshot was special. Until Racker's chocked.

5. Thank you Tully Banta-Cain for ensuring the Pats will not get a top two pick in next year's draft.

6-9. Irrelevant. I don't like people wasting my time, I won't waste yours.

10. My thoughts and prayers go out to Sean Taylor and his family. It's a terrible situation that you hate to hear about regardless of who is involved.

Week 12 In Progress

I hate Sunday mornings. Forget about the hangovers or the fact there is never anything in the apartment worth eating, its the waiting that kills me. When I was younger, I would only have to wait until noon time. That's when the pregame shows came on. There were 3 to choose from, I didn't have a favorite. I would spend the hour flipping between them, trying to find a topic or team that I gave a shit about. How I long for those days. Now my day doesn't get started until 1:05. Why you ask? Because today's pregame shows are absolutely worthless. Its almost as if the network chiefs got together and said let's take a mildly watchable product and flush it down the shitter. Let's bring in the most obnoxious, waspy and douchy on air talent. Let's get rid of factual analysis and replace it with incoherent bloviating. Kudos to ESPN for taking it all one step further by expanding their show a whole hour.

You know what else I hate? The jewelry Christmas commercials that run during every single break. I've been watching football for 2 hours and 28 minutes so far and I have seen approximately 324 Zales, Kays and Beldin's spots. It's football for christ sakes. I don't need this shit. You want to maximize your return on advertising dollars? Air them during Grey's Anatomy. Dicks.

As for the actual games, not a bad slate up in the Northeast. Competitive to say nothing else. Well competitive going into the games, not so much now for the NY Giants. I am not really sure how this is possible but the Vikes have scored 41 points on less than 220 yards of total offense, 60 of which came on the second play of the game. I guess this sort of thing happens when you throw 2 quick-six picks in under a minute. Well done Eli. Thankfully Fox has switched over to the Bucs-Skins. The late game provides two of the most dysfunctional teams in the league - two totally inept offenses and two overrated defenses. If the Chargers win they'll be a game over .500 which pretty much locks up a playoff spot out in the AFC West. Pathetic.

Fianlly, if the Eagles can't cover a 22 spread tonight, they should be immediately relegated to the CFL. I have been in touch with NFL to make sure this happens so at least we'll have something to keep us interested during the rout.

And It Begins Like It Will End

With banner number 4 going to the rafters.

Yes, that's right, the Blue Devils are back. I know, I know its only a preseason tournament but Kyle Singler and company blew through the competition. Duke won its three games by an average margin of 14 points extending its unbeaten record in Maui to 12 games.

I am going to put it out there right now - Duke will cut down the nets in San Antonio in 2008. Granted, I make this prediction year after year but this year is different. Coach K has assembled a team void of any weaknesses that have plagued them since their last National Title. They are young, fast and extremely talented. Most importantly they have depth. No more 6 man rotations trying to keep pace with the other ACC powerhouses. That means they might actually make it out of conference play with their legs beneath them instead of running on fumes.

Am I being overly optimistic? Probably, but the team is 5-0 and I can't find a potential loss on their schedule until February. So fuck it, title number 4 is coming to Cameron.

Quick Hits From Buffalo

Its Tuesday afternoon and only now am I beginning to recover from a hedonistic voyage to the armpit of New York. I've heard plenty of stories but never expected Buffalo to be such a shithole. Their economic plight in the 21st century rivals that of Detroit or Cleveland. You would think they would be happy the eight weekends a year when the Bills play at Ralph Wilson and out of town guests come up and dump their hard earned dollars at local establishments. It would only make sense right? Not even a little bit. Logic is in short supply, probably as a result of the city's proximity to Canada.

Here are some more thoughts and observations from the weekend.

• Ralph Wilson Stadium is a great venue. Say what you will about the city or the state for that matter, but the stadium is a hell of a place to watch football. Not a bad seat in the house. Compare that to Gillette where you need oxygen if you get stuck high enough up in the 300's. There's also something about bench seating that you just can't beat.
• There are two types of Bills fans - Most are scumbag locals who would fight a girl if she was wearing a Brady jersey (don't laugh, this came inches away from happening) while the remaining minority are Canadians sick of the single A CFL product. The Canadians are a little light in the loafers, but much more friendly to deal with.
• The trip from Boston to Buffalo is god awful. 8 hours of pure misery.
• When somebody tells you to hit the strip clubs in Canada, go to the strip clubs in Canada. They are only a half hour away and you might actually get to see some nudity. In Buffalo, the girls are required to wear band-aids over their nips. They are like flesh toned pasties.
• Speaking of the strip clubs, I've come to the conclusion that I have a real hard time distinguishing where the strip club ends and reality resumes. Honestly, it sometimes takes a good two days before it sinks in that you can't actually lear at anything with breasts and 20 dollars won't get you a private showing somewhere out back.
• As for the game, well we all saw what happened there. Give the Bills credit, they played it close for the first 7 minutes.

Welcome

This is a project that has been in the making for a while. I am only about three years late to the blogosphere but rest assured I have spent the majority of my disposable time and energy on criticizing the efforts of others.

I will not waste time with one of those bullshit introductory posts that talk about my likes and dislikes or what I hope to accomplish with my posts. And I certainly will not go into any philosophical explanation of the project's name. The content will be mostly sports related and the bias and hatred will shine through like nothing you have have ever seen before. Enjoy.