Is This What You Had in Mind?

I was trying to think of other great right-handers similar in style and stuff to Justin Verlander, who is closing in on a five-year, $80 million deal with the Tigers. Verlander is tall and angular, so he really isn't like the diminutive Pedro Martinez, and he really has a very different repertoire (and command) than Greg Maddux, and he isn't a massive power guy like a Roger Clemens or Curt Schilling.

And then this name came to mind: Dwight Gooden.


Doc was lithe at the outset of his career, 6-foot-3 and 210 pounds, and could consistently throw in the mid-to-high 90s, and he'd mix that fastball with his stunning curveball. He was the most dominant pitcher in the majors for a couple of years -- and then we know the rest of the story.

Verlander, 6-foot-5 and 200 pounds, is evolving in a way that Gooden did not, it seems. His ability to focus game to game, inning to inning and pitch-to-pitch improved dramatically last year. In the second and third seasons of his career, he would seem to drift through some starts, throwing out some inconsistent outings.

But last year, he appeared to pitch with such purpose. After compiling 163 strikeouts and 87 walks in 2008, Verlander had 269 strikeouts and only 63 walks in 2009. He was the Tigers' plow horse, throwing 240 innings, but he was also dominant in big moments, working fast, attacking hitters relentlessly; watching his innings play out, it felt like he was a boxer who had his opponent in a corner and he intended to just continue throwing punches until the other guy hit the canvas. Last year, in two-out situations, opposing batters compiled an OPS of .591, with a slugging percentage of .322.

There is no better finisher than Verlander in the majors right now. The inning-to-inning OPS against him is as follows.

1: .761
2: .521
3: .538
4: .582
5: .664
6: .858
7: .604
8: .919
9: .606


And so the Tigers are right to commit an enormous contract to a guy who won't be 27 for another couple of weeks, and who has established a nice base for what might turn out to be a Hall of Fame career.

These are the most wins in the first five seasons for Tigers pitchers, since 1961:

Mickey Lolich: 66
Justin Verlander: 65
Dan Petry: 60
Denny McLain: 59
Jeremy Bonderman: 56
Jack Morris: 51


It turned out that the sixth year that was talked about in the negotiations wasn't a deal-breaker, Tom Gage writes. The signing of Verlander is good for the Tigers, writes Drew Sharp.

Some stuff on Verlander from Mark Simon and Katie Sharp of ESPN Stats & Information:

Here's Verlander's average fastball rank among MLB pitchers with 20-plus starts (courtesy FanGraphs.com):

Bringing the Heat
Year MPH Rank
2009 95.6 2nd out of 117
2008 93.6 11th out of 128
2007 94.8 3rd out of 122
2006 95.1 2nd out of 115


And here's a list of guys who have the highest overall average fastball velocity since 2007:

Ubaldo Jimenez: 95.5
Justin Verlander: 94.7
Felix Hernandez: 94.6
A.J. Burnett: 94.5
Josh Beckett: 94.3

About his contract: Verlander's five-year, $80 million contract is the second-largest signed by a player to avoid arbitration since 2007, according to BizofBaseball.com:

I'm Not Thinkin' Arby's
Year Player $M Years
2007 Chase Utley 85.0 7
2010 Justin Verlander 80.0 5
2010 Felix Hernandez 78.0 5
2009 Nick Markakis 66.1 6
2009 Ryan Howard 54.0 3



Fightin' words

You can bet this column is going to draw some attention in New York: The owner of the Ravens had some harsh words for the way the Yankees have operated, and suggested that the GM of the Yankees should be fired for not running away with the division, given the team's payroll advantages.

Said Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti within the Peter Schmuck piece: The payroll advantage "certainly doesn't show up in the standings. If I'm a Yankees fan, I'm upset we're not winning 130 games with the roster that they have and the money that they pay out. I think it's a disgrace they only beat the average team by 10 games in the standings with three times the money. I'd fire that GM. You don't need a GM. All you have to do is buy the last Cy Young Award winner every year."

It's a little more complicated than that, of course. He might not have noticed, but Zack Greinke, Tim Lincecum, Felix Hernandez and Verlander, among others, aren't available every year.


Moves, deals and decisions

1. As Orlando Hudson makes his choice between the Twins, Indians and Nationals, you wonder what goes into this kind of decision. For example: If Hudson signs with the Twins, he would seemingly have a shot to hit in front of Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau -- and you'd think this would mean he would see more fastballs, given that pitchers will not want to mess around and risk walking him.

This raises two questions: First, do the No. 2 hitters in the Twins' lineup -- the guys who hit in front of Mauer -- actually see more fastballs than most No. 2 hitters?

The answer, according to Sharp, is yes.

For the first question, here's the percentage of fastballs seen by No. 2 hitters for all 30 teams, ranked high to low. The Twins' No. 2 hitters last year saw fastballs 68.7 percent of the time, which was fifth-most in the majors. Also, related to Mark's note, the Twins' No. 2 hitters last year hit .290 versus fastballs, 18th in the majors, and had an OPS of .788 versus fastballs, 19th in the majors.

Mets: 73.9 percent
Padres: 73.7 percent
Tigers: 69.8 percent
Yankees: 69.1 percent
Twins: 68.7 percent
Angels: 68.1 percent
Royals: 68.0 percent
Red Sox: 68.0 percent
Rays: 66.3 percent
Indians: 66.3 percent
Athletics: 65.5 percent
Diamondbacks: 65.2 percent
Astros: 65.2 percent
Rangers: 64.8 percent
Brewers: 64.6 percent
Phillies: 64.5 percent
Dodgers: 64.3 percent
Orioles: 64.1 percent
Mariners: 64.0 percent
Marlins: 64.0 percent
Reds: 63.5 percent
Pirates: 63.1 percent
Giants: 63.0 percent
Nationals: 62.8 percent
Cubs: 62.8 percent
Braves: 62.5 percent
Rockies: 62.5 percent
Cardinals: 60.6 percent
Blue Jays: 60.2 percent
White Sox: 60.1 percent


The second question: Does Hudson do well against fastballs? The answer, according to Mark Simon, is yes. He dug out these numbers from Inside Edge. In 2009, Hudson hit .321 against fastballs, compared to the MLB average of .290, and had an .856 OPS, better than a league average of .839. One area that Inside Edge rates him very high in: He's 20th-best in MLB on fastballs away with a .353 BA (MLB average is .273).

2. The series of dominoes that will lead to the Padres' trading Adrian Gonzalez continues to fall; Padres CEO Jeff Moorad, who understands it will be tough for San Diego to re-sign Gonzalez, tells Tim Sullivan that no player is untouchable. I wrote here last month that the Padres have already had discussions about a possible extension, and the early indications are that Gonzalez will be in line to ask for a Mark Teixeira-like contract after he becomes a free agent in 2011 -- and that's something that San Diego is almost certainly not going to do. The Red Sox will be all over this conversation whenever it takes place.

3. Joe Mauer will have to accept less money from the Twins than he would get from other teams, writes John Shipley.

4. Casey Kotchman avoided arbitration with the Mariners, writes Larry Stone.

5. Erik Bedard and Jarrod Washburn remain options for the Mariners, writes Larry LaRue. The big question on both guys is how healthy they are, and how much they can contribute.

6. The Tim Lincecum's negotiations are a window into the reality that this is a new era in the Giants' organization, writes Andrew Baggarly.

7. The Rays claimed a pitcher on waivers, Marc Topkin writes.

8. The Dodgers' No. 5 starter could come from outside the organization, says Joe Torre.

9. Kevin Gregg's signing signals change, writes Morgan Campbell.

10. The Brewers claimed a pitcher on waivers, writes Tom Haudricourt.

11. The so-called Manny Ramirez provision has been banned, writes Bill Shaikin.

12. The Mets brought back a ticket plan. It'll be interesting to see what happens with their season tickets.


Other stuff

• Grady Sizemore says the pictures of him that wound up on the Internet have made for a tough situation, and he apologized, Tom Withers writes.

• At the right price, signing Johnny Damon would be a good idea for the Tigers, writes Jamie Samuelsen.

• Daniel Bard has found a comfortable place in the Boston bullpen, writes Daniel Barbarisi.

• One of the Mets' top prospects isn't sure he'll make it with the team.

• The naming rights to the Rays' ballpark in Port Charlotte were sold.

• The White Sox are working on an ad campaign aimed at Hispanics, writes Lewis Lazare.

• A Vanderbilt guy was at an awards banquet in Cleveland.

• Vanderbilt hung on to beat Mississippi State, Jeff Lockridge writes. Whew.

• Vanderbilt football signed a bunch of guys who were really good high school players. What does that mean? How good will they be? I have no idea.

And today will be better than yesterday.

Brady Done for Seasons, Career

And so ends the era of dominance in Beantown.

Before moving on to my larger point, ProFootballTalk.com is speculating that there is a chance New England's most beloved star (oh if only Big Papi were less Dominican) could miss all of next year and quite possibly all of 2010. Apparently post surgical knee infections are no joke. You can read about all the gory details here but the long and short of it is this - if the current treatment does not rid Brady's knee of infection, the surgery will have to be performed all over again. With new screws and a new dead guy's ACL. This new surgery could not take place until the infection has been completely cleaned out and the recovery from a second procedure is not nearly as routine as recovery from the first.

I always was a little suspicious about the short timetable on Brady's recovery. He tore both major knee ligaments in the most severe way possible. It takes most players longer than 12 months to recover from an injury like that yet we were to believe it would take the great Tom Brady a mere 8? Now you go throwing this crazy, extremely rare infection (occurs in less than 0.05% of patients) into the mix and we are clearly looking at early 2010 before the knee is 100%, best case scenario.

In just 9 months, the Red Sox and Patriots have choked away chances to cement their place in history. The Patriots lost to an inferior team in a game they took too lightly. The Sox failed to complete an unlikely comeback in a game that was more than winnable. While all this was going on, something was happening that may have gone unnoticed, at least in the City of Champions; everybody else got better.

Ok, that is not totally fair, plenty of teams got worse. However, as we sit almost halfway through an NFL season and as we look ahead to a new Red Sox season some six months away, both teams are staring down the barrel of mediocrity. The Patriots find themselves outside the top 10 for the first time since god knows how when. Above them are teams that couldn't beat their reserves but a few years ago. Teams like Buffalo, Tennessee, New York (Giants), Carolina, and yes, even the Arizona Cardinals.

While the Sox may have finished second in the AL this season, making the playoffs next season is no sure thing. Tampa Bay will be that much better with one more year of experience and plenty of new blood added to the mix. The rest of the AL East will be a dog fight with the Yankees new 300 million dollar payroll and the Blue Jays picking up where they left off 2008. The other divisions on the junior circuit will be no cake walk either. Anaheim is not getting any worse, neither is Texas, Chicago or Minnesota, and Detroit can't possibly suck as much as this past season.

Only time will tell whether these dire predictions come to fruition but facts are facts and I'm no stranger to twisting them to support whatever story I concoct. Whether Tom Terrific ever returns to form remains to be seen. I say no way. Whether the Sox find a way to replace the Manny, Ortiz 1-2 punch remains to be seen. I say forget about it. Whether any New England team can win a championship before I have grandchildren remains to be seen. I say don't count on it.

Craig Sager is the Tits

That there is Craig Sager. Prior to making his acquaintance after last night's debacle at Fenway, I always thought he was a little odd with those blazers. Maybe one loving of a little too much attention. Not necessarily a bad sideline guy but not my favorite either. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I ran into Mr. Sager at the Cask shortly after the last out and he was mobbed upon his arrival. He never seemed annoyed by this and greeted each fan as enthusiastically as the one before. Quite refreshing when you consider the percentage of primadonna's in the sports journalism business (looking at you Joe Buck).

I waited for the crowd to clear out around him before making my way over and was glad he was still friendly when I got there. A five minute conversation is what I ended up with and that was a solid 4 minutes longer than I imagined so I was quite thrilled. Here's a brief summary -

ME: Baseball different than working Basketball?
Sager: Different is the key word. The fans are different, the game is different, its a lot different

Me: Did that shit with Papelbon piss you off or were you cool with that?
Sager: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That was awesome, one of the coolest things ever. I was just pissed because I had to come here that night soaked in booze.

Me: How about that thing with Garnett was that planned?
Sager: Hold on one second I need a beer.
Me: I got plenty in the pitcher right here for you, give me your cup...
Sager: Is it Bud Light? I only drink Bud Light.
Me: Is there any other beer worth drinking? (Suck on that More Taste League)
Me: So Garnett, you know that question was coming?
Sager: Oh God no. That is the best part of this thing, the unexpected that comes when talking to athletes. Its great.

And that was that. I said thanks for the time and walked off to continue my journey to blackout land. Another successful journey I should add...its really miraculous I remember this conversation at all.

The best sideline interview ever? I think so. (Start around the 1:15 mark)

Absolutely Refreshing

Misty May and Kerri Walsh wrapped up their second consecutive gold tonight and it was nothing short of amazing. Perhaps I'll have some more on this in the morning but the night cannot end without commenting on the post-match interview conducted by NBC's Heather Cox.

In an age when so many musicians, celebrities and athletes are quick to put down the US and more specifically, the US Government, it was refreshing to see Misty & Kerri go out of their way to thank the President. Instead of the mind numbing shout-outs to baby-momma's, illegitimate kids and entourage pals we are forced to uncomfortably sit through after touchdowns, home runs and Grammy's we actually got to witness a couple of world class, two time gold medal athletes paying tribute to what matters - Country.

Let's not confuse the issue either; this is not about support for a President, Government or political party. I have no idea which way Misty or Kerri voted in the past two elections, nor should I. Both were simply honored to play for the greatest country on earth and could not hide the pride they felt in bringing home the gold again. Good for them and hopefully it will rub off on some other high profile athletes we love to cheer for (looking at you, Lebron).

Oh Canada

What a place.

They say you learn something new everyday and today is no exception as I got me some education on our friends to the North. You see, Canada is not all that different than Russia or China. They give off this vibe like they are totally free (decriminalizing weed, graciously hosting draft dodgers and military AWOLs, etc..) but it's a bunch of bullshit. Don't believe me? Try moving up there and starting a radio station focused on 1990's American Hip Hop. Can't do it.

The Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) has these silly laws in place that require all radio stations to play 35% Canadian content. That guarantees that every third song you hear on the radio will be either by Broken Social Scene or Nickelback. It's really hit or miss up there and even Bryan Adams once complained that Can-con promoted mediocre content. Coming from Bryan Adams, that's saying a lot.

Naturally, these China-esque laws don't stop with radio waves. They extend right on through to television and the internet which is where things start to get interesting. From today's National Post:

An Edmonton-based adult film producer has won federal government approval for a new pornography channel with an unusual twist: half of the content is to be Canadian.

Shaun Donnelly's Real Productions received the OK from the CRTC on Wednesday to operate a digital cable channel -- called Northern Peaks -- that is billed as "Canada's first adult video channel programming significant Canadian content."

At first this might seem like a bad thing - you know with the whole government telling you what you can air and what you cannot thing - but for Donnelly, when life gives you lemons...

"I've always found there's a real turn-on to watching and knowing it's people you could run into in the grocery store,"

So there you have it. Although, I'm still a little confused as to the intent of the law. Toronto has an enormous Asian population, more than a couple probably nationalized. Which side of the 50% would some girl on girl Torontasion content fall on? This is something that will need to be cleared up, pronto.

Tek's Struggles Finally Over

Several media outlets (if you want to call them that) are reporting that Sox Captain Jason Varitek is FINALLLLY filing for divorce from his lovely wife Karen. He's only about 8 years late to this party but hey, better now than 10 years from now when he's managing some single A squad down in Kentucky.

I'm sure his wife is a very lovely lady but she was never really bringing it in the looks department and it would appear as though the post game party with Erin Andrews and Heidi Watney finally pushed him over the edge.

The only question I have is, will this positively affect the Sox stretch run and will it be enough to get JV over the .230 line? I would have to say yes. I can't imagine that waking up next to someone with more back hair than you has a positive affect on your daily output regardless of what your occupation is. Now, the term contract year takes on a whole new meaning for The Cap. He's playing for money AND pussy.

Sadly, I don't think he will have a problem getting either. Mediocre catching is at a premium these days and there are enough pink hats in this city to help him break Wilt Chamberlain's record if that's what he wants.

Freakish

The average NFL player consumes a 5000 calorie/day diet. This breaks out to about 18 calories per pound. Compared to the average American diet of 2500 calories/day, this makes plenty of sense. The NFL is arguably the most physically demanding of all the major sports and when you factor in the diet of the lineman, the only real suprise is that the gap is not larger.

How then, would you explain this -

Michael Phelps consumes upwards of 10,000 calories per day. Check this dude's daily diet:

Phelps lends a new spin to the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" by starting off his day by eating three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise.

He follows that up with two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar and three chocolate-chip pancakes.

At lunch, Phelps gobbles up a pound of enriched pasta and two large ham and cheese sandwiches slathered with mayo on white bread - capping off the meal by chugging about 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

For dinner, Phelps really loads up on the carbs - what he needs to give him plenty of energy for his five-hours-a-day, six-days-a-week regimen - with a pound of pasta and an entire pizza. He washes all that down with another 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

Can you even begin to imagine what an average shit for this guy looks like? He eats twice as much as Ty Warren yet he is as cut up as Floyd Mayweather. I don't get it.

Just in the Nick of Time

Whoa boy. Not sure how I almost let this one get away from me. Marisa Miller celebrated the completion of her 30th year on this planet today. Wouldn't be a fitting celebration without a peek at her best work ever.



So Happy Birthday Marisa, may we only hope you age as well as Cindy Crawford.

The Thing That Really Bothers Me

...is that Brett Favre is continually taking in the shitter and none of this is really his fault.

When it comes to #4, I am as tired as the next guy. My eyes instinctively roll at the mere mention of his name. Like the vast majority of heterosexuals living outside Wisconsin, I strongly dislike Favre. Always have, probably always will. The sad part about this is that it's really not even Brett's fault. He's never said anything or done anything that has upset me in the least. It's more a result of the mainstream media and the weekly hand jobs they have given Brett since he was traded from the Falcons - Madden, King, Berman, Kornheiser and everyone else that has ever broad casted a game, been a part of a pregame show or reported on football at any point in their career. They all slurp so much Favre juice its amazing they have any appetite left for real food (which clearly, they do. See King, Peter and Madden, John).

If it weren't for the MSM, there is a good chance I would admire Favre. What's not to appreciate, the guy is a pain killer addicted booze hound with a sexy wife and all the money in the world. Oh and he just so happens to be one the best quarterbacks to ever play the game.

All this being said, here is my major issue with the current Packer/Favre stalemate. Brett is getting fucked. Hard. You can say he's being selfish or you can say it is his fault for walking away in the first place but what do you expect from a pk addicted booze hound?

I liken his situation to that of a middle aged wife who still brings it but it's obvious her better days are in the rear view. All of a sudden the husband gets eyes for some sexy 25 year old still in her prime. No one is going to fault the husband for jumping ship but once he makes that commitment, there is no going back. The wife is free to do what she wants and if that means banging a 25 year old dude (the Vikings in Favre's case) then so be it. The Packers are clearly delusional in this case thinking they can have both. Sure, we'd all love the option to ditch the old steady wife in favor of some young volatile little thing while keeping the wife ready and waiting as your stable back up but I'm guessing she is not going to go for that. And neither should Brett so good on him for taking a stand and flying out of that shitstain town of Green Bay.

The point is this - If Favre is still good enough to be a top line NFL quarterback (and apparently he is, otherwise, the Packers wouldn't give a fuck who he plays for) then allow him to at least compete for the starting job in Green Bay. By saying Rodgers is their man and they want Brett as a back up or team spokesman or whatever, the Packers are fully acknowledging they want to bang the 25 year old while keeping the wifey around in case 25 isn't quite what they were expecting. As much as I wish it did, life does not work this way.

NFL Determined to Rid League of Crips, Bloods

Right after we get a fun little story about how NFL locker rooms are a really fun place with lots of great homo jokes, we get this gem of a headline right off ESPN.com -

Report: NFL to review tape for evidence of on-field gang signs

Is this what we have turned into as a society? We are now hiring "experts" to analyze old game tapes for the possibility of gang signs? Where might one find these alleged "experts" and how much is their time worth? The NFL has a long standing reputation of never settling for anything less than the best so does that mean they are bringing in Suge Knight and plopping his 400 pounds in front of a TV?

The worst part of this story is the automatic linkage to Paul Pierce's incident in the playoff series against Atlanta. Says one NFL VP -

"We were always suspicious that [gang-related hand signals] might be happening," said Mike Pereira, the NFL's vice president of officiating, according to the report. "But the Paul Pierce thing is what brought it to light. When he was fined ... that's when we said we need to take a look at it and see if we need to be aware of it."

Never mind the fact that it was never proven that Pierce flashed any gang sign whatsoever. Never mind the fact that Pierce's Truth Foundation funds anti-gang programs all over the country. Hey, the NBA has black guys and one got fined for some gang stuff so we better investigate the black folks in our league too. Real logical.

At least one person associated with the NFL has some common sense -

"Guys come from all over the country, and who knows what they're really doing?" Jacksonville Jaguars receiver Dennis Northcutt said, according to The Times' report. "People have got signs for their kids, signs for their fraternities. How do you differentiate who's really throwing up gang signs?

"This is a gang sign," he added, touching his index finger to his thumb to form a squished version of the hand sign for OK. "But at the same time, it's a sign for a personnel group."

Bleep You, Liberals

Eddie Vedder tickets went on sale last week. Apparently he's doing some solo shows following a nationwide full band tour that ended in June. I caught the last two shows at the Great Tweeter Comcast Woods Center and suffice it to say, I was blown the fuck away. See, that is what happens when I venture out to any sort of musical act. I always feel so-so heading into the show and come out ready to tattoo the band name on my lower back (wait? what?). I have what you might call an addictive personality.

Anyway, I was happy as fuck when I heard about Vedder touring solo if only to carry on the stoke I felt during the last week of June. I realized it wouldn't be quite the same since 90% of the band would be staying home and the setlist would be invariably different. I also realized the political bullshit would be ten times what it was in Mansfield but whatever, I was game. What I did not know was that all the liberal fucks and MoveOn.org douche bags would come out en masse and drive the ticket price of this shit through the roof. Both nights sold out in about 13 seconds flat and now its looking like 150 bucks a ticket just to get my ass in a seat that night.

So, to all you tight jean wearing, George Bush hating wannabe Canadians: GET FUCKED. Take the weekend off from bitching about high gas prices or illegitimate wars and kindly go die in a boating accident. And most importantly, stop fucking up my summer.

Some Positive News From the NFL

Look, I was as sad as the next guy over the retirement of Will Leitch. I was also afraid of what would happen to the most well written blog on the planet. I'm starting to feel a little better on both accounts now that I've sampled a little of the next generation.

Clay Travis penned an absolute gem today regarding the side of an NFL locker room we rarely get to see. Any story that humanizes those that we worship is a plus in my book and the revelation that "No Homo" is the joke of choice in the NFL really made my day.

Writes Travis -

Professional sports locker rooms are one of the last bastions for gay humor. That’s because there’s never been any gay athletes. So, you see, the very idea of anyone being gay is always funny. Which brings me to the first big scoop of my illustrious Deadspin career: The phrase “No Homo” has taken over NFL locker rooms.

It’s everywhere, on every single team, the NFL equivalent of the late 90's Macarena dance. No Homo owes its popularity to the remarkably varied and infinitely complicated nature of its use. Or the opposite. One or the other. It’s applied thusly:

LenDale White says to Vince Young: “Vince, you’ve got great nips. No homo.”

Brilliant.

I have a buddy that has been using this phrase religiously over the past year or two. While I have always gotten a light chuckle out of its use, it never became standard verbiage amongst any social circle I belong to. You can bet that is going to change now that I know Donovan McNabb uses these exact words every time he accidentally grazes Brian Westbrook's ass.

NFL Joke of Choice - Deadspin

Finally, Something New to Hunt

With the nation's wild horse population swelling to more than 33,000 and another 30,000 currently held in holding facilities it has been determined that some of these beasts must die. This is great news because, man, do I hate horses. Loathsome, useless creatures that stopped being relevant right around the James Garfield administration.

I guess some expert decided the US could manage no more than 27,000 of the things at any given time so by my math we have a solid 6,000 to poach. If it were up to me, I'd release the 30,000 from horse prison and then we could really have a field day.

Can you think of anything more fun than coming up with exotic ways to assassinate a horse? Two great movies come to mind, The Patriot and 300. The horses in those flicks got fucked the fuck up and it was, in a word, awesome.

So I guess the question is, where do we go from here? Do I need to fill out any paper work or apply for a permit? Can we just head out west and start shooting? Please, someone enlighten me.
(h/t - WSJ and LA Times)

We Thank You

From the bottom of our hearts.

A million blogs have logged a million posts with regards to one William F Leitch. Make this 1,000,001. You are a genius, a visionary and a leader. Enough words there are not to describe the love we share for you (in the most hetero way possible…of course).

On behalf of every jerk off hack like ourselves, there is a debt of gratitude that will never be repaid. You paved a road that never deserved tar and you blazed a trail that never deserved the effort. Yet, as we look back it all seems to make so much sense.

Sports news without access, favor or discretion. Why didn’t we think of that. So obvious, so simple, so perfect.

Before tarnishing a legacy with more incoherent rambling, let’s just end it with some words of your own. As has been the case so many times, we could not have said it better ourselves.

That's all we wanted Deadspin to be all along; a place where people could slip away from their life for a while, dig in, have some fun, then head back to the regular life, where bills must be paid, family must be attended to, jobs must be (slightly) acknowledged. You know: Kind of like sports themselves. Life is difficult. Life is scary. Diversions — real, palpable diversions, places where you can go away and frolic, and then return to the world the way you found it, for better or worse — are rare, and should be cherished. That's what sports are. That's what we hope this site has been. That's what we're certain it will continue to be.

Good night and good luck.

Adolph Coors - Fucking it up Since 1873

What is with these guys? Of all the liquor purveyors in this country, Coors is the only one that should have stayed under after the repeal of prohibition. They have not done a God Damn thing right since. The product is shit (I know, man landed on the moon), their advertising makes the folks at Geico look smart and the gimmicks are not clever enough to trick a Saint Bernard.

I remember when I tasted my first Coors Light. I was 15 and it was free. And warm. And skunked. I loved it, but really, my only basis for comparison was some cheap whiskey I stole from the parents wet bar. Time passed, I realized that Bud Light was much more fashionable and I felt way less gay asking the bums outside the liquor store to buy it for me. Then a funny thing happened. I was 22 and the store near my house was out of BL's. I said fuck it, Coors can't be that bad, picked up a 12 pack and tapped the Rockies. Guess what? It tasted EXACTLY like it did the first time I had it 7 years prior (warm and skunked).

As far as their marketing campaigns go - I'll leave it to Drew Magory of Kissing Suzy Kolber to summarize those efforts:

It's a beer ad. It's not fucking hard. Start with a monkey. Then show some tits. Then make a dick joke. Then cut to product. See? Gold. Yet these guys constantly fuck it up. Coors Light's motto is "The coldest beer in the world!" Do they understand the logic flaw in that selling point? Oooh, it's so cold, we can only measure it in Kelvin! Morons. You know what the coldest beer in the world is? ANY OF THEM. I had a Coors Light once that had been sitting in the car for an hour in late August. It was anything but cold. So fuck you, Pete Coors. Fuck your advertising, and fuck your cheap, shitty beer. Fuck.

All of this is well and good but certainly not worth an entire post. That is where the new gimmicks come in and push me right over the top. First we had the mountains changing colors once the bottles were sufficiently cool (blue like your eyes). That was pretty fucking stupid. I've held enough cold objects in my day and I am pretty confident I don't need some paper label to tell me when my beer is ok to drink.

Currently, we are in the middle of the newest cluster fuck of a promotion - vented wide mouth cans. That's right, if the wide mouth alone isn't enough to rush their shitty swill to your liver, now there is a quarter inch vent along side to quicken up the pace. To set the record straight, I was never really on board with the wide mouth thing in the first place. It is not like drinking liquid from a can was ever all that challenging. I'm pretty sure it was something that Terry Schiavo could have managed on a bad day. Plus, worst case scenario, can't you just pour it into a glass? Now we get a vented wide mouth? Pretty sad. Its readily apparent that the brain trust running this shit show has never heard of shotgunning.

You want to impress me Coors, find a way to put a tab on the side of the can along with the one up top. That way, I won't always have to carry keys with me and I won't have to worry about hacking up my fingers and gums on all the shrapnel.

Doing My Part

It's been a while. For which I apologize. I really did not plan on posting until June 7th but who knows, maybe I will squeeze a few more in before then.

A lot of hot air has been wasted regarding the expected stimulus checks millions of Americans are waiting on. Depending on the last two digits of your social security number, its quite possible you've gotten it back already. The last two of mine are 41 and my rebate cleared on Friday or Saturday of last weekend. Not sure of the exact day since I spent the weekend more or less in a drunken haze.

However, the key is that I did spend which is why I figured I would take a moment and break down where my stimulus money ended up. First, let me go on record - I think this stimulus plan is completely asinine to begin with and will do close to nothing to help our economy. A one time cash flow that amounts to little more than an extra week's pay for an average American is not going to do anything to solve what really troubles the economy ($130 oil, hundreds of billions of dollars in mortgage related writedowns by banks all over the country, an astonishingly weak dollar, 5%+ inflation, etc, etc...) Despite all this, I decided to play along and do my part. After all, I am a Patriot.

The government's disbursement plan coincided beautifully with a last minute trip to DC so it was not too tough to find ways to spend my money. For starters, I booked $180 round trip ticket on Southwest to get down there. The airlines (aside from Southwest) are struggling with higher fuel costs (its called hedging fucksticks) so what hell, I felt honored to give the industry a little boost. Once down there, I took in a Nationals game at their brand new park. Beautiful stadium. While I spent nothing on the ticket, I did buy about 3 dozen draft beers and some related ballpark food which came out to a cool hundo. I capped the weekend off with a dinner which included several orders of buffalo wings and another 3 dozen draft beers bringing the 2-day total to around 4 bills.

I took the other 2 hundred and dumped it in to my ING Orange fund so it could yield about 2.5% over the next 12 months. It also brings ING's capital up so they can make more shitty decisions on CMO's and other asset backed securities thus injecting some much needed liquidity into the market.

Like I said, I'm a Patriot.

Skirt Day

There are four days a year I look forward to like no other. They are holidays in my book and far more important than Christmas or Thanksgiving. In order of occurrence -

1. The First Two Days of March Madness
2. Skirt Day
3. July 3rd

Today, we'll spend sometime discussing what makes number 2 so damn amazing.

I think my favorite part of Skirt Day is that you never know when it is going to occur. We always know that March Madness begins on the 3rd of 4th Thursday of March. July 3rd is July 3rd. But Skirt Day? It Could fall within an unpredictably wide 4 or 5 week range. This leads to plenty of "almosts" and inevitable disappointment but when the day finally comes, you wind up feeling like Josh Hartnett at the end of 40 Days and 40 Nights.

Skirt Day 2008 came a little early but you can officially throw it in the calendar as April 23rd, 2008. The temps rounded out at about 80 degrees and the breeze was delightfully warm. Thankfully, we were not blue balled to death with glorious weather reports only to have a sea breeze fuck it all up this year and there were really only a couple of close calls. Believe me, it could have been a lot worse. I recall a couple of years back at URI days where the day eluded us until early May.

If you think this day loses its luster the older you get, you are sorely mistaken. It was fun in college because you had the quad as a central viewing point but there was so much T&A on campus that it really didn't provide any extra joy other than to signify the end of classes and beginning of summer. In the real world, it is approximately 37.5 times better. After being stuck in an office all winter long with the same insufferable broads wearing the same baggy dress pants and turtle neck sweaters, skirt day takes your mind places you forgot it could even go.

Since joining the adult work force, I have managed to get the two tournament days and July 3rd off every single year without fail. I'm getting a to a point in my life where I may need to start doing the same for Skirt Day. 2 hour lunches in Post Office Square just aren't cutting it anymore.

Joe Calzaghe - Best # for # in the World?

It is a tough call with Floyd still out there, still undefeated. But Joe Calzaghe joined the conversation by coming over to the US (first time ever fighting outside of Europe) and beating the most distinguished US fighter over the past 20 years.

A lot of people will argue that Hopkins is too old and this win was not really that impressive for Calzaghe since he fought a guy 7 years away from getting is AARP card. Horseshit if you ask me. 43 or not, BHop is still fighting at the top of his game. He may be mixing in a few more dirty tricks here and there but he is still as fundamentally sound as he was 10 years ago. He came in to last nights fight after back to back wins over Winky Wright and Antonio Tarver.

Regardless of how you want to frame the conversation, the fight was exciting and I am still in awe that it was not a PPV card, instead showing for free on regular HBO. Some quick thoughts I took away from it all -

- Max Kellerman is terrible. I'm not sure what happened since his days hosting Around the Horn but his boxing commentary (allegedly his bread and butter) is just not good. He is awkward on camera and makes Larry Merchant seem like a genius.

- Playing up the race issue was not a good move for HBO. So Hopkins said he'd never lose to a white boy, who cares? We did not need Kellerman and friends to drive the point home and discuss the difference between white and black fighters.

- Calzaghe getting knocked down in round 1 was a fluke. He was caught off balance and BHop more tackled him to the mat than knocked him down.

- For the second marquee Vegas fight in a row, the American fighter was the one in hostile territory. The crowd was 75% Welshman, maybe more. I was pretty excited about this, the atmosphere is much more electric with the Brits involved.

- Calzaghe playing to the crowd by fucking BHop in the ass when he went down after an alleged low blow was great. Boxing is 50% showmanship and Calz showed he can play the game with the best of them.

It will be interesting to see what happens next. It seems like the obvious fight will be Roy Jones Jr vs. Calzaghe but I would be more interested in seeing Joe fight Kelly Pavlik. If by some act of god, De La Hoya beats Mayweather in September, a Calzaghe, De La Hoya bout at Super Middle would be fascinating however unlikely.

I'm Hard

Prior to last summer, Miller came out with a new beer called the Miller Chill. It was your standard American light beer infused with lime and salt. A lot of people saw it and instantly thought Corona ripoff. Before making my own snap judgement, I researched it a little and discovered it was nothing like Corona at all. It was actually good. Really good.

Fast forward to Labor Day and I'm a good 130 of these things deep for the summer (you can really only drink about 6 in a sitting before they wear on you). Summer was over but I was pumped. I finally found a summer beer worth getting excited over to replace Sam's Summer. I love me a Sam's Summer as much as the next guy but seriously, I've been drinking them every Memorial Day like clock work since I was 18.

With the Miller Chill's, there was really only one problem. It was a Miller. I loathe Miller anything. In life, we are forced to pick sides on a lot of issues. Nobody likes a fence sitter, they are homos. Bud Light/Miller Light is one of those sides you are forced to choose. Kind of like Coke/Pepsi, Duke/UNC or Tits/Cock. (As an aside, your choice on one generally impacts your choice on many others. For instance, those who choose the Miller Lights are way more prone to liking UNC and Cock. Crazy how it works out.) Back to the subject at hand, I am a Bud Light guy. Having to start my Saturday's off with a six pack of Miller product was not easy.

As the summer of 2008 gets closer, Anheuser Busch solved my dilemma by announcing Bud Light Lime. I saw the first commercials during the Final Four games and had the Tar Heels not been fucking me out of another 100 bucks, I would have popped wood right there in the bar. Now, summer can't get here soon enough so I can try one of these suckers.

Oh and if you're one of those purists who doesn't believe in fruit & beer combinations, eat a dick. It is a personal preference and one that I am perfectly ok with.

And Wow

Absolutely Amazing.

It is so, so rare for a sporting event surrounded with hype to actually live up or beat your expectations. For 26 years I have toiled away watching countless championships in every major sport only to be disappointed by the underdog failing to defy odds or even worse, failing to keep the contest interesting. In a match up like this, while there was no true dog, there was more than enough potential for a one sided route a' la Kansas, UNC on Saturday night.

We finally got a good one and I could not have been more satisfied. Kansas and Memphis played it close the entire game. Until the final five minutes, the game was played within a six point range. The quality of play was solid on both sides of the ball with excellent defensive efforts out of guys like Brandon Rush and Robert Dozier. The Jayhawks were able to keep Derrick Rose in check for the first three quarters of the game and Memphis did not let Mario Chalmers or Rush beat them.

If nothing else, the game was complete. Everybody loves clutch and what could be more clutch than the 3-pointer Chalmers drained with 2.1 on the clock? Prior to that, Rose was sick of being treated like Sherron Collins' bitch all night and single handedly put Memphis up nine with under three to play. That was a pretty clutch four minutes of basketball, wouldn't you agree?

On top of the clutch, we got the choke. We heard about Memphis' charity stripe woes all year long. Calipari said his boys would make the ones that counted and until the last two minutes of tonight's game, he was pretty accurate. CDR and Rose turned into JJ Redick on the line. But when the pressure was on and the lights were their brightest, CDR missed three and Rose missed another. Any one of the four could have iced the game. There is a reason why we love the Chris Weber timeout call 50 years after the fact and its because we love the choke. Well guess what? We have another 50 years of video role.

Yes, the game had it all and better than a happy ending after an exotic massage we got some Luthor Vandross "One Shining Moment" to top it all off. What a night.