We Thank You

From the bottom of our hearts.

A million blogs have logged a million posts with regards to one William F Leitch. Make this 1,000,001. You are a genius, a visionary and a leader. Enough words there are not to describe the love we share for you (in the most hetero way possible…of course).

On behalf of every jerk off hack like ourselves, there is a debt of gratitude that will never be repaid. You paved a road that never deserved tar and you blazed a trail that never deserved the effort. Yet, as we look back it all seems to make so much sense.

Sports news without access, favor or discretion. Why didn’t we think of that. So obvious, so simple, so perfect.

Before tarnishing a legacy with more incoherent rambling, let’s just end it with some words of your own. As has been the case so many times, we could not have said it better ourselves.

That's all we wanted Deadspin to be all along; a place where people could slip away from their life for a while, dig in, have some fun, then head back to the regular life, where bills must be paid, family must be attended to, jobs must be (slightly) acknowledged. You know: Kind of like sports themselves. Life is difficult. Life is scary. Diversions — real, palpable diversions, places where you can go away and frolic, and then return to the world the way you found it, for better or worse — are rare, and should be cherished. That's what sports are. That's what we hope this site has been. That's what we're certain it will continue to be.

Good night and good luck.

Adolph Coors - Fucking it up Since 1873

What is with these guys? Of all the liquor purveyors in this country, Coors is the only one that should have stayed under after the repeal of prohibition. They have not done a God Damn thing right since. The product is shit (I know, man landed on the moon), their advertising makes the folks at Geico look smart and the gimmicks are not clever enough to trick a Saint Bernard.

I remember when I tasted my first Coors Light. I was 15 and it was free. And warm. And skunked. I loved it, but really, my only basis for comparison was some cheap whiskey I stole from the parents wet bar. Time passed, I realized that Bud Light was much more fashionable and I felt way less gay asking the bums outside the liquor store to buy it for me. Then a funny thing happened. I was 22 and the store near my house was out of BL's. I said fuck it, Coors can't be that bad, picked up a 12 pack and tapped the Rockies. Guess what? It tasted EXACTLY like it did the first time I had it 7 years prior (warm and skunked).

As far as their marketing campaigns go - I'll leave it to Drew Magory of Kissing Suzy Kolber to summarize those efforts:

It's a beer ad. It's not fucking hard. Start with a monkey. Then show some tits. Then make a dick joke. Then cut to product. See? Gold. Yet these guys constantly fuck it up. Coors Light's motto is "The coldest beer in the world!" Do they understand the logic flaw in that selling point? Oooh, it's so cold, we can only measure it in Kelvin! Morons. You know what the coldest beer in the world is? ANY OF THEM. I had a Coors Light once that had been sitting in the car for an hour in late August. It was anything but cold. So fuck you, Pete Coors. Fuck your advertising, and fuck your cheap, shitty beer. Fuck.

All of this is well and good but certainly not worth an entire post. That is where the new gimmicks come in and push me right over the top. First we had the mountains changing colors once the bottles were sufficiently cool (blue like your eyes). That was pretty fucking stupid. I've held enough cold objects in my day and I am pretty confident I don't need some paper label to tell me when my beer is ok to drink.

Currently, we are in the middle of the newest cluster fuck of a promotion - vented wide mouth cans. That's right, if the wide mouth alone isn't enough to rush their shitty swill to your liver, now there is a quarter inch vent along side to quicken up the pace. To set the record straight, I was never really on board with the wide mouth thing in the first place. It is not like drinking liquid from a can was ever all that challenging. I'm pretty sure it was something that Terry Schiavo could have managed on a bad day. Plus, worst case scenario, can't you just pour it into a glass? Now we get a vented wide mouth? Pretty sad. Its readily apparent that the brain trust running this shit show has never heard of shotgunning.

You want to impress me Coors, find a way to put a tab on the side of the can along with the one up top. That way, I won't always have to carry keys with me and I won't have to worry about hacking up my fingers and gums on all the shrapnel.

Doing My Part

It's been a while. For which I apologize. I really did not plan on posting until June 7th but who knows, maybe I will squeeze a few more in before then.

A lot of hot air has been wasted regarding the expected stimulus checks millions of Americans are waiting on. Depending on the last two digits of your social security number, its quite possible you've gotten it back already. The last two of mine are 41 and my rebate cleared on Friday or Saturday of last weekend. Not sure of the exact day since I spent the weekend more or less in a drunken haze.

However, the key is that I did spend which is why I figured I would take a moment and break down where my stimulus money ended up. First, let me go on record - I think this stimulus plan is completely asinine to begin with and will do close to nothing to help our economy. A one time cash flow that amounts to little more than an extra week's pay for an average American is not going to do anything to solve what really troubles the economy ($130 oil, hundreds of billions of dollars in mortgage related writedowns by banks all over the country, an astonishingly weak dollar, 5%+ inflation, etc, etc...) Despite all this, I decided to play along and do my part. After all, I am a Patriot.

The government's disbursement plan coincided beautifully with a last minute trip to DC so it was not too tough to find ways to spend my money. For starters, I booked $180 round trip ticket on Southwest to get down there. The airlines (aside from Southwest) are struggling with higher fuel costs (its called hedging fucksticks) so what hell, I felt honored to give the industry a little boost. Once down there, I took in a Nationals game at their brand new park. Beautiful stadium. While I spent nothing on the ticket, I did buy about 3 dozen draft beers and some related ballpark food which came out to a cool hundo. I capped the weekend off with a dinner which included several orders of buffalo wings and another 3 dozen draft beers bringing the 2-day total to around 4 bills.

I took the other 2 hundred and dumped it in to my ING Orange fund so it could yield about 2.5% over the next 12 months. It also brings ING's capital up so they can make more shitty decisions on CMO's and other asset backed securities thus injecting some much needed liquidity into the market.

Like I said, I'm a Patriot.

Skirt Day

There are four days a year I look forward to like no other. They are holidays in my book and far more important than Christmas or Thanksgiving. In order of occurrence -

1. The First Two Days of March Madness
2. Skirt Day
3. July 3rd

Today, we'll spend sometime discussing what makes number 2 so damn amazing.

I think my favorite part of Skirt Day is that you never know when it is going to occur. We always know that March Madness begins on the 3rd of 4th Thursday of March. July 3rd is July 3rd. But Skirt Day? It Could fall within an unpredictably wide 4 or 5 week range. This leads to plenty of "almosts" and inevitable disappointment but when the day finally comes, you wind up feeling like Josh Hartnett at the end of 40 Days and 40 Nights.

Skirt Day 2008 came a little early but you can officially throw it in the calendar as April 23rd, 2008. The temps rounded out at about 80 degrees and the breeze was delightfully warm. Thankfully, we were not blue balled to death with glorious weather reports only to have a sea breeze fuck it all up this year and there were really only a couple of close calls. Believe me, it could have been a lot worse. I recall a couple of years back at URI days where the day eluded us until early May.

If you think this day loses its luster the older you get, you are sorely mistaken. It was fun in college because you had the quad as a central viewing point but there was so much T&A on campus that it really didn't provide any extra joy other than to signify the end of classes and beginning of summer. In the real world, it is approximately 37.5 times better. After being stuck in an office all winter long with the same insufferable broads wearing the same baggy dress pants and turtle neck sweaters, skirt day takes your mind places you forgot it could even go.

Since joining the adult work force, I have managed to get the two tournament days and July 3rd off every single year without fail. I'm getting a to a point in my life where I may need to start doing the same for Skirt Day. 2 hour lunches in Post Office Square just aren't cutting it anymore.

Joe Calzaghe - Best # for # in the World?

It is a tough call with Floyd still out there, still undefeated. But Joe Calzaghe joined the conversation by coming over to the US (first time ever fighting outside of Europe) and beating the most distinguished US fighter over the past 20 years.

A lot of people will argue that Hopkins is too old and this win was not really that impressive for Calzaghe since he fought a guy 7 years away from getting is AARP card. Horseshit if you ask me. 43 or not, BHop is still fighting at the top of his game. He may be mixing in a few more dirty tricks here and there but he is still as fundamentally sound as he was 10 years ago. He came in to last nights fight after back to back wins over Winky Wright and Antonio Tarver.

Regardless of how you want to frame the conversation, the fight was exciting and I am still in awe that it was not a PPV card, instead showing for free on regular HBO. Some quick thoughts I took away from it all -

- Max Kellerman is terrible. I'm not sure what happened since his days hosting Around the Horn but his boxing commentary (allegedly his bread and butter) is just not good. He is awkward on camera and makes Larry Merchant seem like a genius.

- Playing up the race issue was not a good move for HBO. So Hopkins said he'd never lose to a white boy, who cares? We did not need Kellerman and friends to drive the point home and discuss the difference between white and black fighters.

- Calzaghe getting knocked down in round 1 was a fluke. He was caught off balance and BHop more tackled him to the mat than knocked him down.

- For the second marquee Vegas fight in a row, the American fighter was the one in hostile territory. The crowd was 75% Welshman, maybe more. I was pretty excited about this, the atmosphere is much more electric with the Brits involved.

- Calzaghe playing to the crowd by fucking BHop in the ass when he went down after an alleged low blow was great. Boxing is 50% showmanship and Calz showed he can play the game with the best of them.

It will be interesting to see what happens next. It seems like the obvious fight will be Roy Jones Jr vs. Calzaghe but I would be more interested in seeing Joe fight Kelly Pavlik. If by some act of god, De La Hoya beats Mayweather in September, a Calzaghe, De La Hoya bout at Super Middle would be fascinating however unlikely.

I'm Hard

Prior to last summer, Miller came out with a new beer called the Miller Chill. It was your standard American light beer infused with lime and salt. A lot of people saw it and instantly thought Corona ripoff. Before making my own snap judgement, I researched it a little and discovered it was nothing like Corona at all. It was actually good. Really good.

Fast forward to Labor Day and I'm a good 130 of these things deep for the summer (you can really only drink about 6 in a sitting before they wear on you). Summer was over but I was pumped. I finally found a summer beer worth getting excited over to replace Sam's Summer. I love me a Sam's Summer as much as the next guy but seriously, I've been drinking them every Memorial Day like clock work since I was 18.

With the Miller Chill's, there was really only one problem. It was a Miller. I loathe Miller anything. In life, we are forced to pick sides on a lot of issues. Nobody likes a fence sitter, they are homos. Bud Light/Miller Light is one of those sides you are forced to choose. Kind of like Coke/Pepsi, Duke/UNC or Tits/Cock. (As an aside, your choice on one generally impacts your choice on many others. For instance, those who choose the Miller Lights are way more prone to liking UNC and Cock. Crazy how it works out.) Back to the subject at hand, I am a Bud Light guy. Having to start my Saturday's off with a six pack of Miller product was not easy.

As the summer of 2008 gets closer, Anheuser Busch solved my dilemma by announcing Bud Light Lime. I saw the first commercials during the Final Four games and had the Tar Heels not been fucking me out of another 100 bucks, I would have popped wood right there in the bar. Now, summer can't get here soon enough so I can try one of these suckers.

Oh and if you're one of those purists who doesn't believe in fruit & beer combinations, eat a dick. It is a personal preference and one that I am perfectly ok with.

And Wow

Absolutely Amazing.

It is so, so rare for a sporting event surrounded with hype to actually live up or beat your expectations. For 26 years I have toiled away watching countless championships in every major sport only to be disappointed by the underdog failing to defy odds or even worse, failing to keep the contest interesting. In a match up like this, while there was no true dog, there was more than enough potential for a one sided route a' la Kansas, UNC on Saturday night.

We finally got a good one and I could not have been more satisfied. Kansas and Memphis played it close the entire game. Until the final five minutes, the game was played within a six point range. The quality of play was solid on both sides of the ball with excellent defensive efforts out of guys like Brandon Rush and Robert Dozier. The Jayhawks were able to keep Derrick Rose in check for the first three quarters of the game and Memphis did not let Mario Chalmers or Rush beat them.

If nothing else, the game was complete. Everybody loves clutch and what could be more clutch than the 3-pointer Chalmers drained with 2.1 on the clock? Prior to that, Rose was sick of being treated like Sherron Collins' bitch all night and single handedly put Memphis up nine with under three to play. That was a pretty clutch four minutes of basketball, wouldn't you agree?

On top of the clutch, we got the choke. We heard about Memphis' charity stripe woes all year long. Calipari said his boys would make the ones that counted and until the last two minutes of tonight's game, he was pretty accurate. CDR and Rose turned into JJ Redick on the line. But when the pressure was on and the lights were their brightest, CDR missed three and Rose missed another. Any one of the four could have iced the game. There is a reason why we love the Chris Weber timeout call 50 years after the fact and its because we love the choke. Well guess what? We have another 50 years of video role.

Yes, the game had it all and better than a happy ending after an exotic massage we got some Luthor Vandross "One Shining Moment" to top it all off. What a night.