Contract Year

Is This What You Had in Mind?

2010-02-04T14:21:00.001-08:00

I was trying to think of other great right-handers similar in style and stuff to Justin Verlander, who is closing in on a five-year, $80 million deal with the Tigers. Verlander is tall and angular, so he really isn't like the diminutive Pedro Martinez, and he really has a very different repertoire (and command) than Greg Maddux, and he isn't a massive power guy like a Roger Clemens or Curt Schilling.

And then this name came to mind: Dwight Gooden.

Doc was lithe at the outset of his career, 6-foot-3 and 210 pounds, and could consistently throw in the mid-to-high 90s, and he'd mix that fastball with his stunning curveball. He was the most dominant pitcher in the majors for a couple of years -- and then we know the rest of the story.

Verlander, 6-foot-5 and 200 pounds, is evolving in a way that Gooden did not, it seems. His ability to focus game to game, inning to inning and pitch-to-pitch improved dramatically last year. In the second and third seasons of his career, he would seem to drift through some starts, throwing out some inconsistent outings.

But last year, he appeared to pitch with such purpose. After compiling 163 strikeouts and 87 walks in 2008, Verlander had 269 strikeouts and only 63 walks in 2009. He was the Tigers' plow horse, throwing 240 innings, but he was also dominant in big moments, working fast, attacking hitters relentlessly; watching his innings play out, it felt like he was a boxer who had his opponent in a corner and he intended to just continue throwing punches until the other guy hit the canvas. Last year, in two-out situations, opposing batters compiled an OPS of .591, with a slugging percentage of .322.

There is no better finisher than Verlander in the majors right now. The inning-to-inning OPS against him is as follows.

1: .761
2: .521
3: .538
4: .582
5: .664
6: .858
7: .604
8: .919
9: .606

And so the Tigers are right to commit an enormous contract to a guy who won't be 27 for another couple of weeks, and who has established a nice base for what might turn out to be a Hall of Fame career.

These are the most wins in the first five seasons for Tigers pitchers, since 1961:

Mickey Lolich: 66
Justin Verlander: 65
Dan Petry: 60
Denny McLain: 59
Jeremy Bonderman: 56
Jack Morris: 51

It turned out that the sixth year that was talked about in the negotiations wasn't a deal-breaker, Tom Gage writes. The signing of Verlander is good for the Tigers, writes Drew Sharp.

Some stuff on Verlander from Mark Simon and Katie Sharp of ESPN Stats & Information:

Here's Verlander's average fastball rank among MLB pitchers with 20-plus starts (courtesy FanGraphs.com):

Bringing the Heat
Year MPH Rank
2009 95.6 2nd out of 117
2008 93.6 11th out of 128
2007 94.8 3rd out of 122
2006 95.1 2nd out of 115

And here's a list of guys who have the highest overall average fastball velocity since 2007:

Ubaldo Jimenez: 95.5
Justin Verlander: 94.7
Felix Hernandez: 94.6
A.J. Burnett: 94.5
Josh Beckett: 94.3

About his contract: Verlander's five-year, $80 million contract is the second-largest signed by a player to avoid arbitration since 2007, according to BizofBaseball.com:

I'm Not Thinkin' Arby's
Year Player $M Years
2007 Chase Utley 85.0 7
2010 Justin Verlander 80.0 5
2010 Felix Hernandez 78.0 5
2009 Nick Markakis 66.1 6
2009 Ryan Howard 54.0 3

Fightin' words

You can bet this column is going to draw some attention in New York: The owner of the Ravens had some harsh words for the way the Yankees have operated, and suggested that the GM of the Yankees should be fired for not running away with the division, given the team's payroll advantages.

Said Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti within the Peter Schmuck piece: The payroll advantage "certainly doesn't show up in the standings. If I'm a Yankees fan, I'm upset we're not winning 130 games with the roster that they have and the money that they pay out. I think it's a disgrace they only beat the average team by 10 games in the standings with three times the money. I'd fire that GM. You don't need a GM. All you have to do is buy the last Cy Young Award winner every year."

It's a little more complicated than that, of course. He might not have noticed, but Zack Greinke, Tim Lincecum, Felix Hernandez and Verlander, among others, aren't available every year.

Moves, deals and decisions

1. As Orlando Hudson makes his choice between the Twins, Indians and Nationals, you wonder what goes into this kind of decision. For example: If Hudson signs with the Twins, he would seemingly have a shot to hit in front of Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau -- and you'd think this would mean he would see more fastballs, given that pitchers will not want to mess around and risk walking him.

This raises two questions: First, do the No. 2 hitters in the Twins' lineup -- the guys who hit in front of Mauer -- actually see more fastballs than most No. 2 hitters?

The answer, according to Sharp, is yes.

For the first question, here's the percentage of fastballs seen by No. 2 hitters for all 30 teams, ranked high to low. The Twins' No. 2 hitters last year saw fastballs 68.7 percent of the time, which was fifth-most in the majors. Also, related to Mark's note, the Twins' No. 2 hitters last year hit .290 versus fastballs, 18th in the majors, and had an OPS of .788 versus fastballs, 19th in the majors.

Mets: 73.9 percent
Padres: 73.7 percent
Tigers: 69.8 percent
Yankees: 69.1 percent
Twins: 68.7 percent
Angels: 68.1 percent
Royals: 68.0 percent
Red Sox: 68.0 percent
Rays: 66.3 percent
Indians: 66.3 percent
Athletics: 65.5 percent
Diamondbacks: 65.2 percent
Astros: 65.2 percent
Rangers: 64.8 percent
Brewers: 64.6 percent
Phillies: 64.5 percent
Dodgers: 64.3 percent
Orioles: 64.1 percent
Mariners: 64.0 percent
Marlins: 64.0 percent
Reds: 63.5 percent
Pirates: 63.1 percent
Giants: 63.0 percent
Nationals: 62.8 percent
Cubs: 62.8 percent
Braves: 62.5 percent
Rockies: 62.5 percent
Cardinals: 60.6 percent
Blue Jays: 60.2 percent
White Sox: 60.1 percent

The second question: Does Hudson do well against fastballs? The answer, according to Mark Simon, is yes. He dug out these numbers from Inside Edge. In 2009, Hudson hit .321 against fastballs, compared to the MLB average of .290, and had an .856 OPS, better than a league average of .839. One area that Inside Edge rates him very high in: He's 20th-best in MLB on fastballs away with a .353 BA (MLB average is .273).

2. The series of dominoes that will lead to the Padres' trading Adrian Gonzalez continues to fall; Padres CEO Jeff Moorad, who understands it will be tough for San Diego to re-sign Gonzalez, tells Tim Sullivan that no player is untouchable. I wrote here last month that the Padres have already had discussions about a possible extension, and the early indications are that Gonzalez will be in line to ask for a Mark Teixeira-like contract after he becomes a free agent in 2011 -- and that's something that San Diego is almost certainly not going to do. The Red Sox will be all over this conversation whenever it takes place.

3. Joe Mauer will have to accept less money from the Twins than he would get from other teams, writes John Shipley.

4. Casey Kotchman avoided arbitration with the Mariners, writes Larry Stone.

5. Erik Bedard and Jarrod Washburn remain options for the Mariners, writes Larry LaRue. The big question on both guys is how healthy they are, and how much they can contribute.

6. The Tim Lincecum's negotiations are a window into the reality that this is a new era in the Giants' organization, writes Andrew Baggarly.

7. The Rays claimed a pitcher on waivers, Marc Topkin writes.

8. The Dodgers' No. 5 starter could come from outside the organization, says Joe Torre.

9. Kevin Gregg's signing signals change, writes Morgan Campbell.

10. The Brewers claimed a pitcher on waivers, writes Tom Haudricourt.

11. The so-called Manny Ramirez provision has been banned, writes Bill Shaikin.

12. The Mets brought back a ticket plan. It'll be interesting to see what happens with their season tickets.

Other stuff

• Grady Sizemore says the pictures of him that wound up on the Internet have made for a tough situation, and he apologized, Tom Withers writes.

• At the right price, signing Johnny Damon would be a good idea for the Tigers, writes Jamie Samuelsen.

• Daniel Bard has found a comfortable place in the Boston bullpen, writes Daniel Barbarisi.

• One of the Mets' top prospects isn't sure he'll make it with the team.

• The naming rights to the Rays' ballpark in Port Charlotte were sold.

• The White Sox are working on an ad campaign aimed at Hispanics, writes Lewis Lazare.

• A Vanderbilt guy was at an awards banquet in Cleveland.

• Vanderbilt hung on to beat Mississippi State, Jeff Lockridge writes. Whew.

• Vanderbilt football signed a bunch of guys who were really good high school players. What does that mean? How good will they be? I have no idea.

And today will be better than yesterday.

Brady Done for Seasons, Career

2008-10-21T12:53:00.001-07:00

And so ends the era of dominance in Beantown.

Before moving on to my larger point, ProFootballTalk.com is speculating that there is a chance New England's most beloved star (oh if only Big Papi were less Dominican) could miss all of next year and quite possibly all of 2010. Apparently post surgical knee infections are no joke. You can read about all the gory details here but the long and short of it is this - if the current treatment does not rid Brady's knee of infection, the surgery will have to be performed all over again. With new screws and a new dead guy's ACL. This new surgery could not take place until the infection has been completely cleaned out and the recovery from a second procedure is not nearly as routine as recovery from the first.

I always was a little suspicious about the short timetable on Brady's recovery. He tore both major knee ligaments in the most severe way possible. It takes most players longer than 12 months to recover from an injury like that yet we were to believe it would take the great Tom Brady a mere 8? Now you go throwing this crazy, extremely rare infection (occurs in less than 0.05% of patients) into the mix and we are clearly looking at early 2010 before the knee is 100%, best case scenario.

In just 9 months, the Red Sox and Patriots have choked away chances to cement their place in history. The Patriots lost to an inferior team in a game they took too lightly. The Sox failed to complete an unlikely comeback in a game that was more than winnable. While all this was going on, something was happening that may have gone unnoticed, at least in the City of Champions; everybody else got better.

Ok, that is not totally fair, plenty of teams got worse. However, as we sit almost halfway through an NFL season and as we look ahead to a new Red Sox season some six months away, both teams are staring down the barrel of mediocrity. The Patriots find themselves outside the top 10 for the first time since god knows how when. Above them are teams that couldn't beat their reserves but a few years ago. Teams like Buffalo, Tennessee, New York (Giants), Carolina, and yes, even the Arizona Cardinals.

While the Sox may have finished second in the AL this season, making the playoffs next season is no sure thing. Tampa Bay will be that much better with one more year of experience and plenty of new blood added to the mix. The rest of the AL East will be a dog fight with the Yankees new 300 million dollar payroll and the Blue Jays picking up where they left off 2008. The other divisions on the junior circuit will be no cake walk either. Anaheim is not getting any worse, neither is Texas, Chicago or Minnesota, and Detroit can't possibly suck as much as this past season.

Only time will tell whether these dire predictions come to fruition but facts are facts and I'm no stranger to twisting them to support whatever story I concoct. Whether Tom Terrific ever returns to form remains to be seen. I say no way. Whether the Sox find a way to replace the Manny, Ortiz 1-2 punch remains to be seen. I say forget about it. Whether any New England team can win a championship before I have grandchildren remains to be seen. I say don't count on it.

Craig Sager is the Tits

2008-10-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

That there is Craig Sager. Prior to making his acquaintance after last night's debacle at Fenway, I always thought he was a little odd with those blazers. Maybe one loving of a little too much attention. Not necessarily a bad sideline guy but not my favorite either. I couldn't have been more wrong.

I ran into Mr. Sager at the Cask shortly after the last out and he was mobbed upon his arrival. He never seemed annoyed by this and greeted each fan as enthusiastically as the one before. Quite refreshing when you consider the percentage of primadonna's in the sports journalism business (looking at you Joe Buck).

I waited for the crowd to clear out around him before making my way over and was glad he was still friendly when I got there. A five minute conversation is what I ended up with and that was a solid 4 minutes longer than I imagined so I was quite thrilled. Here's a brief summary -

ME: Baseball different than working Basketball?
Sager: Different is the key word. The fans are different, the game is different, its a lot different

Me: Did that shit with Papelbon piss you off or were you cool with that?
Sager: ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That was awesome, one of the coolest things ever. I was just pissed because I had to come here that night soaked in booze.

Me: How about that thing with Garnett was that planned?
Sager: Hold on one second I need a beer.
Me: I got plenty in the pitcher right here for you, give me your cup...
Sager: Is it Bud Light? I only drink Bud Light.
Me: Is there any other beer worth drinking? (Suck on that More Taste League)
Me: So Garnett, you know that question was coming?
Sager: Oh God no. That is the best part of this thing, the unexpected that comes when talking to athletes. Its great.

And that was that. I said thanks for the time and walked off to continue my journey to blackout land. Another successful journey I should add...its really miraculous I remember this conversation at all.

The best sideline interview ever? I think so. (Start around the 1:15 mark)

Absolutely Refreshing

2008-08-20T21:44:00.003-07:00

Misty May and Kerri Walsh wrapped up their second consecutive gold tonight and it was nothing short of amazing. Perhaps I'll have some more on this in the morning but the night cannot end without commenting on the post-match interview conducted by NBC's Heather Cox.

In an age when so many musicians, celebrities and athletes are quick to put down the US and more specifically, the US Government, it was refreshing to see Misty & Kerri go out of their way to thank the President. Instead of the mind numbing shout-outs to baby-momma's, illegitimate kids and entourage pals we are forced to uncomfortably sit through after touchdowns, home runs and Grammy's we actually got to witness a couple of world class, two time gold medal athletes paying tribute to what matters - Country.

Let's not confuse the issue either; this is not about support for a President, Government or political party. I have no idea which way Misty or Kerri voted in the past two elections, nor should I. Both were simply honored to play for the greatest country on earth and could not hide the pride they felt in bringing home the gold again. Good for them and hopefully it will rub off on some other high profile athletes we love to cheer for (looking at you, Lebron).

Oh Canada

2008-08-15T12:33:00.000-07:00

What a place.

They say you learn something new everyday and today is no exception as I got me some education on our friends to the North. You see, Canada is not all that different than Russia or China. They give off this vibe like they are totally free (decriminalizing weed, graciously hosting draft dodgers and military AWOLs, etc..) but it's a bunch of bullshit. Don't believe me? Try moving up there and starting a radio station focused on 1990's American Hip Hop. Can't do it.

The Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC) has these silly laws in place that require all radio stations to play 35% Canadian content. That guarantees that every third song you hear on the radio will be either by Broken Social Scene or Nickelback. It's really hit or miss up there and even Bryan Adams once complained that Can-con promoted mediocre content. Coming from Bryan Adams, that's saying a lot.

Naturally, these China-esque laws don't stop with radio waves. They extend right on through to television and the internet which is where things start to get interesting. From today's National Post:

An Edmonton-based adult film producer has won federal government approval for a new pornography channel with an unusual twist: half of the content is to be Canadian.

Shaun Donnelly's Real Productions received the OK from the CRTC on Wednesday to operate a digital cable channel -- called Northern Peaks -- that is billed as "Canada's first adult video channel programming significant Canadian content."

At first this might seem like a bad thing - you know with the whole government telling you what you can air and what you cannot thing - but for Donnelly, when life gives you lemons...

"I've always found there's a real turn-on to watching and knowing it's people you could run into in the grocery store,"

So there you have it. Although, I'm still a little confused as to the intent of the law. Toronto has an enormous Asian population, more than a couple probably nationalized. Which side of the 50% would some girl on girl Torontasion content fall on? This is something that will need to be cleared up, pronto.

Tek's Struggles Finally Over

2008-08-14T15:09:00.000-07:00

Several media outlets (if you want to call them that) are reporting that Sox Captain Jason Varitek is FINALLLLY filing for divorce from his lovely wife Karen. He's only about 8 years late to this party but hey, better now than 10 years from now when he's managing some single A squad down in Kentucky.

I'm sure his wife is a very lovely lady but she was never really bringing it in the looks department and it would appear as though the post game party with Erin Andrews and Heidi Watney finally pushed him over the edge.

The only question I have is, will this positively affect the Sox stretch run and will it be enough to get JV over the .230 line? I would have to say yes. I can't imagine that waking up next to someone with more back hair than you has a positive affect on your daily output regardless of what your occupation is. Now, the term contract year takes on a whole new meaning for The Cap. He's playing for money AND pussy.

Sadly, I don't think he will have a problem getting either. Mediocre catching is at a premium these days and there are enough pink hats in this city to help him break Wilt Chamberlain's record if that's what he wants.

Freakish

2008-08-13T13:49:00.001-07:00

The average NFL player consumes a 5000 calorie/day diet. This breaks out to about 18 calories per pound. Compared to the average American diet of 2500 calories/day, this makes plenty of sense. The NFL is arguably the most physically demanding of all the major sports and when you factor in the diet of the lineman, the only real suprise is that the gap is not larger.

How then, would you explain this -

Michael Phelps consumes upwards of 10,000 calories per day. Check this dude's daily diet:

Phelps lends a new spin to the phrase "Breakfast of Champions" by starting off his day by eating three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise.

He follows that up with two cups of coffee, a five-egg omelet, a bowl of grits, three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar and three chocolate-chip pancakes.

At lunch, Phelps gobbles up a pound of enriched pasta and two large ham and cheese sandwiches slathered with mayo on white bread - capping off the meal by chugging about 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

For dinner, Phelps really loads up on the carbs - what he needs to give him plenty of energy for his five-hours-a-day, six-days-a-week regimen - with a pound of pasta and an entire pizza. He washes all that down with another 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

Can you even begin to imagine what an average shit for this guy looks like? He eats twice as much as Ty Warren yet he is as cut up as Floyd Mayweather. I don't get it.

Just in the Nick of Time

2008-08-06T20:14:00.000-07:00

Whoa boy. Not sure how I almost let this one get away from me. Marisa Miller celebrated the completion of her 30th year on this planet today. Wouldn't be a fitting celebration without a peek at her best work ever.

So Happy Birthday Marisa, may we only hope you age as well as Cindy Crawford.

The Thing That Really Bothers Me

2008-08-06T19:42:00.000-07:00

...is that Brett Favre is continually taking in the shitter and none of this is really his fault.

When it comes to #4, I am as tired as the next guy. My eyes instinctively roll at the mere mention of his name. Like the vast majority of heterosexuals living outside Wisconsin, I strongly dislike Favre. Always have, probably always will. The sad part about this is that it's really not even Brett's fault. He's never said anything or done anything that has upset me in the least. It's more a result of the mainstream media and the weekly hand jobs they have given Brett since he was traded from the Falcons - Madden, King, Berman, Kornheiser and everyone else that has ever broad casted a game, been a part of a pregame show or reported on football at any point in their career. They all slurp so much Favre juice its amazing they have any appetite left for real food (which clearly, they do. See King, Peter and Madden, John).

If it weren't for the MSM, there is a good chance I would admire Favre. What's not to appreciate, the guy is a pain killer addicted booze hound with a sexy wife and all the money in the world. Oh and he just so happens to be one the best quarterbacks to ever play the game.

All this being said, here is my major issue with the current Packer/Favre stalemate. Brett is getting fucked. Hard. You can say he's being selfish or you can say it is his fault for walking away in the first place but what do you expect from a pk addicted booze hound?

I liken his situation to that of a middle aged wife who still brings it but it's obvious her better days are in the rear view. All of a sudden the husband gets eyes for some sexy 25 year old still in her prime. No one is going to fault the husband for jumping ship but once he makes that commitment, there is no going back. The wife is free to do what she wants and if that means banging a 25 year old dude (the Vikings in Favre's case) then so be it. The Packers are clearly delusional in this case thinking they can have both. Sure, we'd all love the option to ditch the old steady wife in favor of some young volatile little thing while keeping the wife ready and waiting as your stable back up but I'm guessing she is not going to go for that. And neither should Brett so good on him for taking a stand and flying out of that shitstain town of Green Bay.

The point is this - If Favre is still good enough to be a top line NFL quarterback (and apparently he is, otherwise, the Packers wouldn't give a fuck who he plays for) then allow him to at least compete for the starting job in Green Bay. By saying Rodgers is their man and they want Brett as a back up or team spokesman or whatever, the Packers are fully acknowledging they want to bang the 25 year old while keeping the wifey around in case 25 isn't quite what they were expecting. As much as I wish it did, life does not work this way.

NFL Determined to Rid League of Crips, Bloods

2008-07-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

Right after we get a fun little story about how NFL locker rooms are a really fun place with lots of great homo jokes, we get this gem of a headline right off ESPN.com -

Report: NFL to review tape for evidence of on-field gang signs

Is this what we have turned into as a society? We are now hiring "experts" to analyze old game tapes for the possibility of gang signs? Where might one find these alleged "experts" and how much is their time worth? The NFL has a long standing reputation of never settling for anything less than the best so does that mean they are bringing in Suge Knight and plopping his 400 pounds in front of a TV?

The worst part of this story is the automatic linkage to Paul Pierce's incident in the playoff series against Atlanta. Says one NFL VP -

"We were always suspicious that [gang-related hand signals] might be happening," said Mike Pereira, the NFL's vice president of officiating, according to the report. "But the Paul Pierce thing is what brought it to light. When he was fined ... that's when we said we need to take a look at it and see if we need to be aware of it."

Never mind the fact that it was never proven that Pierce flashed any gang sign whatsoever. Never mind the fact that Pierce's Truth Foundation funds anti-gang programs all over the country. Hey, the NBA has black guys and one got fined for some gang stuff so we better investigate the black folks in our league too. Real logical.

At least one person associated with the NFL has some common sense -

"Guys come from all over the country, and who knows what they're really doing?" Jacksonville Jaguars receiver Dennis Northcutt said, according to The Times' report. "People have got signs for their kids, signs for their fraternities. How do you differentiate who's really throwing up gang signs?

"This is a gang sign," he added, touching his index finger to his thumb to form a squished version of the hand sign for OK. "But at the same time, it's a sign for a personnel group."

Bleep You, Liberals

2008-07-11T14:33:00.001-07:00

Eddie Vedder tickets went on sale last week. Apparently he's doing some solo shows following a nationwide full band tour that ended in June. I caught the last two shows at the Great Tweeter Comcast Woods Center and suffice it to say, I was blown the fuck away. See, that is what happens when I venture out to any sort of musical act. I always feel so-so heading into the show and come out ready to tattoo the band name on my lower back (wait? what?). I have what you might call an addictive personality.

Anyway, I was happy as fuck when I heard about Vedder touring solo if only to carry on the stoke I felt during the last week of June. I realized it wouldn't be quite the same since 90% of the band would be staying home and the setlist would be invariably different. I also realized the political bullshit would be ten times what it was in Mansfield but whatever, I was game. What I did not know was that all the liberal fucks and MoveOn.org douche bags would come out en masse and drive the ticket price of this shit through the roof. Both nights sold out in about 13 seconds flat and now its looking like 150 bucks a ticket just to get my ass in a seat that night.

So, to all you tight jean wearing, George Bush hating wannabe Canadians: GET FUCKED. Take the weekend off from bitching about high gas prices or illegitimate wars and kindly go die in a boating accident. And most importantly, stop fucking up my summer.

Some Positive News From the NFL

2008-07-07T12:01:00.000-07:00

Look, I was as sad as the next guy over the retirement of Will Leitch. I was also afraid of what would happen to the most well written blog on the planet. I'm starting to feel a little better on both accounts now that I've sampled a little of the next generation.

Clay Travis penned an absolute gem today regarding the side of an NFL locker room we rarely get to see. Any story that humanizes those that we worship is a plus in my book and the revelation that "No Homo" is the joke of choice in the NFL really made my day.

Writes Travis -

Professional sports locker rooms are one of the last bastions for gay humor. That’s because there’s never been any gay athletes. So, you see, the very idea of anyone being gay is always funny. Which brings me to the first big scoop of my illustrious Deadspin career: The phrase “No Homo” has taken over NFL locker rooms.

It’s everywhere, on every single team, the NFL equivalent of the late 90's Macarena dance. No Homo owes its popularity to the remarkably varied and infinitely complicated nature of its use. Or the opposite. One or the other. It’s applied thusly:

LenDale White says to Vince Young: “Vince, you’ve got great nips. No homo.”

Brilliant.

I have a buddy that has been using this phrase religiously over the past year or two. While I have always gotten a light chuckle out of its use, it never became standard verbiage amongst any social circle I belong to. You can bet that is going to change now that I know Donovan McNabb uses these exact words every time he accidentally grazes Brian Westbrook's ass.

NFL Joke of Choice - Deadspin

Finally, Something New to Hunt

2008-07-01T19:34:00.000-07:00

With the nation's wild horse population swelling to more than 33,000 and another 30,000 currently held in holding facilities it has been determined that some of these beasts must die. This is great news because, man, do I hate horses. Loathsome, useless creatures that stopped being relevant right around the James Garfield administration.

I guess some expert decided the US could manage no more than 27,000 of the things at any given time so by my math we have a solid 6,000 to poach. If it were up to me, I'd release the 30,000 from horse prison and then we could really have a field day.

Can you think of anything more fun than coming up with exotic ways to assassinate a horse? Two great movies come to mind, The Patriot and 300. The horses in those flicks got fucked the fuck up and it was, in a word, awesome.

So I guess the question is, where do we go from here? Do I need to fill out any paper work or apply for a permit? Can we just head out west and start shooting? Please, someone enlighten me.
(h/t - WSJ and LA Times)

We Thank You

2008-06-27T23:16:00.000-07:00

From the bottom of our hearts.

A million blogs have logged a million posts with regards to one William F Leitch. Make this 1,000,001. You are a genius, a visionary and a leader. Enough words there are not to describe the love we share for you (in the most hetero way possible…of course).

On behalf of every jerk off hack like ourselves, there is a debt of gratitude that will never be repaid. You paved a road that never deserved tar and you blazed a trail that never deserved the effort. Yet, as we look back it all seems to make so much sense.

Sports news without access, favor or discretion. Why didn’t we think of that. So obvious, so simple, so perfect.

Before tarnishing a legacy with more incoherent rambling, let’s just end it with some words of your own. As has been the case so many times, we could not have said it better ourselves.

That's all we wanted Deadspin to be all along; a place where people could slip away from their life for a while, dig in, have some fun, then head back to the regular life, where bills must be paid, family must be attended to, jobs must be (slightly) acknowledged. You know: Kind of like sports themselves. Life is difficult. Life is scary. Diversions — real, palpable diversions, places where you can go away and frolic, and then return to the world the way you found it, for better or worse — are rare, and should be cherished. That's what sports are. That's what we hope this site has been. That's what we're certain it will continue to be.

Good night and good luck.

Adolph Coors - Fucking it up Since 1873

2008-06-24T19:59:00.001-07:00

What is with these guys? Of all the liquor purveyors in this country, Coors is the only one that should have stayed under after the repeal of prohibition. They have not done a God Damn thing right since. The product is shit (I know, man landed on the moon), their advertising makes the folks at Geico look smart and the gimmicks are not clever enough to trick a Saint Bernard.

I remember when I tasted my first Coors Light. I was 15 and it was free. And warm. And skunked. I loved it, but really, my only basis for comparison was some cheap whiskey I stole from the parents wet bar. Time passed, I realized that Bud Light was much more fashionable and I felt way less gay asking the bums outside the liquor store to buy it for me. Then a funny thing happened. I was 22 and the store near my house was out of BL's. I said fuck it, Coors can't be that bad, picked up a 12 pack and tapped the Rockies. Guess what? It tasted EXACTLY like it did the first time I had it 7 years prior (warm and skunked).

As far as their marketing campaigns go - I'll leave it to Drew Magory of Kissing Suzy Kolber to summarize those efforts:

It's a beer ad. It's not fucking hard. Start with a monkey. Then show some tits. Then make a dick joke. Then cut to product. See? Gold. Yet these guys constantly fuck it up. Coors Light's motto is "The coldest beer in the world!" Do they understand the logic flaw in that selling point? Oooh, it's so cold, we can only measure it in Kelvin! Morons. You know what the coldest beer in the world is? ANY OF THEM. I had a Coors Light once that had been sitting in the car for an hour in late August. It was anything but cold. So fuck you, Pete Coors. Fuck your advertising, and fuck your cheap, shitty beer. Fuck.

All of this is well and good but certainly not worth an entire post. That is where the new gimmicks come in and push me right over the top. First we had the mountains changing colors once the bottles were sufficiently cool (blue like your eyes). That was pretty fucking stupid. I've held enough cold objects in my day and I am pretty confident I don't need some paper label to tell me when my beer is ok to drink.

Currently, we are in the middle of the newest cluster fuck of a promotion - vented wide mouth cans. That's right, if the wide mouth alone isn't enough to rush their shitty swill to your liver, now there is a quarter inch vent along side to quicken up the pace. To set the record straight, I was never really on board with the wide mouth thing in the first place. It is not like drinking liquid from a can was ever all that challenging. I'm pretty sure it was something that Terry Schiavo could have managed on a bad day. Plus, worst case scenario, can't you just pour it into a glass? Now we get a vented wide mouth? Pretty sad. Its readily apparent that the brain trust running this shit show has never heard of shotgunning.

You want to impress me Coors, find a way to put a tab on the side of the can along with the one up top. That way, I won't always have to carry keys with me and I won't have to worry about hacking up my fingers and gums on all the shrapnel.

Doing My Part

2008-05-09T08:03:00.001-07:00

It's been a while. For which I apologize. I really did not plan on posting until June 7th but who knows, maybe I will squeeze a few more in before then.

A lot of hot air has been wasted regarding the expected stimulus checks millions of Americans are waiting on. Depending on the last two digits of your social security number, its quite possible you've gotten it back already. The last two of mine are 41 and my rebate cleared on Friday or Saturday of last weekend. Not sure of the exact day since I spent the weekend more or less in a drunken haze.

However, the key is that I did spend which is why I figured I would take a moment and break down where my stimulus money ended up. First, let me go on record - I think this stimulus plan is completely asinine to begin with and will do close to nothing to help our economy. A one time cash flow that amounts to little more than an extra week's pay for an average American is not going to do anything to solve what really troubles the economy ($130 oil, hundreds of billions of dollars in mortgage related writedowns by banks all over the country, an astonishingly weak dollar, 5%+ inflation, etc, etc...) Despite all this, I decided to play along and do my part. After all, I am a Patriot.

The government's disbursement plan coincided beautifully with a last minute trip to DC so it was not too tough to find ways to spend my money. For starters, I booked $180 round trip ticket on Southwest to get down there. The airlines (aside from Southwest) are struggling with higher fuel costs (its called hedging fucksticks) so what hell, I felt honored to give the industry a little boost. Once down there, I took in a Nationals game at their brand new park. Beautiful stadium. While I spent nothing on the ticket, I did buy about 3 dozen draft beers and some related ballpark food which came out to a cool hundo. I capped the weekend off with a dinner which included several orders of buffalo wings and another 3 dozen draft beers bringing the 2-day total to around 4 bills.

I took the other 2 hundred and dumped it in to my ING Orange fund so it could yield about 2.5% over the next 12 months. It also brings ING's capital up so they can make more shitty decisions on CMO's and other asset backed securities thus injecting some much needed liquidity into the market.

Like I said, I'm a Patriot.

Skirt Day

2008-04-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

There are four days a year I look forward to like no other. They are holidays in my book and far more important than Christmas or Thanksgiving. In order of occurrence -

The First Two Days of March Madness
Skirt Day
July 3rd

Today, we'll spend sometime discussing what makes number 2 so damn amazing.

I think my favorite part of Skirt Day is that you never know when it is going to occur. We always know that March Madness begins on the 3rd of 4th Thursday of March. July 3rd is July 3rd. But Skirt Day? It Could fall within an unpredictably wide 4 or 5 week range. This leads to plenty of "almosts" and inevitable disappointment but when the day finally comes, you wind up feeling like Josh Hartnett at the end of 40 Days and 40 Nights.

Skirt Day 2008 came a little early but you can officially throw it in the calendar as April 23rd, 2008. The temps rounded out at about 80 degrees and the breeze was delightfully warm. Thankfully, we were not blue balled to death with glorious weather reports only to have a sea breeze fuck it all up this year and there were really only a couple of close calls. Believe me, it could have been a lot worse. I recall a couple of years back at URI days where the day eluded us until early May.

If you think this day loses its luster the older you get, you are sorely mistaken. It was fun in college because you had the quad as a central viewing point but there was so much T&A on campus that it really didn't provide any extra joy other than to signify the end of classes and beginning of summer. In the real world, it is approximately 37.5 times better. After being stuck in an office all winter long with the same insufferable broads wearing the same baggy dress pants and turtle neck sweaters, skirt day takes your mind places you forgot it could even go.

Since joining the adult work force, I have managed to get the two tournament days and July 3rd off every single year without fail. I'm getting a to a point in my life where I may need to start doing the same for Skirt Day. 2 hour lunches in Post Office Square just aren't cutting it anymore.

Joe Calzaghe - Best # for # in the World?

2008-04-20T08:56:00.000-07:00

It is a tough call with Floyd still out there, still undefeated. But Joe Calzaghe joined the conversation by coming over to the US (first time ever fighting outside of Europe) and beating the most distinguished US fighter over the past 20 years.

A lot of people will argue that Hopkins is too old and this win was not really that impressive for Calzaghe since he fought a guy 7 years away from getting is AARP card. Horseshit if you ask me. 43 or not, BHop is still fighting at the top of his game. He may be mixing in a few more dirty tricks here and there but he is still as fundamentally sound as he was 10 years ago. He came in to last nights fight after back to back wins over Winky Wright and Antonio Tarver.

Regardless of how you want to frame the conversation, the fight was exciting and I am still in awe that it was not a PPV card, instead showing for free on regular HBO. Some quick thoughts I took away from it all -

- Max Kellerman is terrible. I'm not sure what happened since his days hosting Around the Horn but his boxing commentary (allegedly his bread and butter) is just not good. He is awkward on camera and makes Larry Merchant seem like a genius.

- Playing up the race issue was not a good move for HBO. So Hopkins said he'd never lose to a white boy, who cares? We did not need Kellerman and friends to drive the point home and discuss the difference between white and black fighters.

- Calzaghe getting knocked down in round 1 was a fluke. He was caught off balance and BHop more tackled him to the mat than knocked him down.

- For the second marquee Vegas fight in a row, the American fighter was the one in hostile territory. The crowd was 75% Welshman, maybe more. I was pretty excited about this, the atmosphere is much more electric with the Brits involved.

- Calzaghe playing to the crowd by fucking BHop in the ass when he went down after an alleged low blow was great. Boxing is 50% showmanship and Calz showed he can play the game with the best of them.

It will be interesting to see what happens next. It seems like the obvious fight will be Roy Jones Jr vs. Calzaghe but I would be more interested in seeing Joe fight Kelly Pavlik. If by some act of god, De La Hoya beats Mayweather in September, a Calzaghe, De La Hoya bout at Super Middle would be fascinating however unlikely.

I'm Hard

2008-04-08T09:53:00.000-07:00

Prior to last summer, Miller came out with a new beer called the Miller Chill. It was your standard American light beer infused with lime and salt. A lot of people saw it and instantly thought Corona ripoff. Before making my own snap judgement, I researched it a little and discovered it was nothing like Corona at all. It was actually good. Really good.

Fast forward to Labor Day and I'm a good 130 of these things deep for the summer (you can really only drink about 6 in a sitting before they wear on you). Summer was over but I was pumped. I finally found a summer beer worth getting excited over to replace Sam's Summer. I love me a Sam's Summer as much as the next guy but seriously, I've been drinking them every Memorial Day like clock work since I was 18.

With the Miller Chill's, there was really only one problem. It was a Miller. I loathe Miller anything. In life, we are forced to pick sides on a lot of issues. Nobody likes a fence sitter, they are homos. Bud Light/Miller Light is one of those sides you are forced to choose. Kind of like Coke/Pepsi, Duke/UNC or Tits/Cock. (As an aside, your choice on one generally impacts your choice on many others. For instance, those who choose the Miller Lights are way more prone to liking UNC and Cock. Crazy how it works out.) Back to the subject at hand, I am a Bud Light guy. Having to start my Saturday's off with a six pack of Miller product was not easy.

As the summer of 2008 gets closer, Anheuser Busch solved my dilemma by announcing Bud Light Lime. I saw the first commercials during the Final Four games and had the Tar Heels not been fucking me out of another 100 bucks, I would have popped wood right there in the bar. Now, summer can't get here soon enough so I can try one of these suckers.

Oh and if you're one of those purists who doesn't believe in fruit & beer combinations, eat a dick. It is a personal preference and one that I am perfectly ok with.

And Wow

2008-04-07T21:55:00.000-07:00

Absolutely Amazing.

It is so, so rare for a sporting event surrounded with hype to actually live up or beat your expectations. For 26 years I have toiled away watching countless championships in every major sport only to be disappointed by the underdog failing to defy odds or even worse, failing to keep the contest interesting. In a match up like this, while there was no true dog, there was more than enough potential for a one sided route a' la Kansas, UNC on Saturday night.

We finally got a good one and I could not have been more satisfied. Kansas and Memphis played it close the entire game. Until the final five minutes, the game was played within a six point range. The quality of play was solid on both sides of the ball with excellent defensive efforts out of guys like Brandon Rush and Robert Dozier. The Jayhawks were able to keep Derrick Rose in check for the first three quarters of the game and Memphis did not let Mario Chalmers or Rush beat them.

If nothing else, the game was complete. Everybody loves clutch and what could be more clutch than the 3-pointer Chalmers drained with 2.1 on the clock? Prior to that, Rose was sick of being treated like Sherron Collins' bitch all night and single handedly put Memphis up nine with under three to play. That was a pretty clutch four minutes of basketball, wouldn't you agree?

On top of the clutch, we got the choke. We heard about Memphis' charity stripe woes all year long. Calipari said his boys would make the ones that counted and until the last two minutes of tonight's game, he was pretty accurate. CDR and Rose turned into JJ Redick on the line. But when the pressure was on and the lights were their brightest, CDR missed three and Rose missed another. Any one of the four could have iced the game. There is a reason why we love the Chris Weber timeout call 50 years after the fact and its because we love the choke. Well guess what? We have another 50 years of video role.

Yes, the game had it all and better than a happy ending after an exotic massage we got some Luthor Vandross "One Shining Moment" to top it all off. What a night.

Gus Johnson Has More Weekend Plans

2008-03-25T12:56:00.001-07:00

And so does Dick Enberg!

Anyhow, here's the weekend lineup from CBS.

Thursday:
Xavier vs. West Virginia (Phoenix, 7:10pm)- Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery
North Carolina vs. Washington St. (Charlotte, 7:27pm)- Dick Enberg and Jay Bilas
UCLA vs. Western Kentucky (Phoenix, 9:40pm)- Verne Lundquist and Raftery
Tennessee vs. Louisville (Charlotte, 9:57pm)- Dick Enberg and Jay Bilas

Friday:

Wisconsin vs. Davidson (Detroit, 7:10pm)- Gus Johnson and Len Elmore
Texas vs. Stanford (Houston, 7:27pm)- Jim Nantz and Billy Packer
Kansas vs. Villanova (Detroit, 9:40pm)- Gus Johnson and Len Elmore
Memphis vs. Michigan State (Houston, 9:57pm)- Jim Nantz and Billy Packer

Basically, CBS kept all the talent from the first weekend around and got rid of the waste (I'm looking at you Bolerjack). Good work.

Gus Johnson's Weekend Plans

2008-03-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

Old pal Gus received his itinerary for the first and second round games - he will be in the Mile High City. He will be calling the Thursday and Saturday games with first round match ups as follows -

Notre Dame - George Mason
Wash St - Winthrop (This one has some serious Gus potential)
Mich St - Temple
Pittsburgh - Oral Roberts

He will be paired up with Len Elmore of ESPN fame. One of the best analysts on TV. This is the combo of the tourney right here.

As for the rest of the sites and announces -

Thursday/Saturday -
Washington: Craig Bolerjack and Bob Wenzel
Omaha: Kevin Harlan and Dan Bonner
Anaheim: Dick Enberg or Carter Blackburn and Jay Bilas (Bilas is the second best analyst out there. This will be a good mix too)

Friday/Sunday -
Birmingham: Verne Lundquist and Bill Raftery
Tampa: Tim Brando and Mike Gminski (Nothing like a little more Duke love)
Raleigh: Jim Nantz and Billy Packer (Douchiest Pairing)
Little Rock: Ian Eagle and Jim Spanarkel.

Chris Rock is Gutter

2008-03-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

And I like it!

Seriously, don't waste time watching the whole video unless you have WAY too much free time on your hands. Before the highlights, here is some background. Rock was accused of rape and part of the evidence came from some semen the accuser stole and stored in her freezer. This is an old case and he was never charged. Clearly, the accuser was out for money. One other point to keep mind - he was happily married at the time.

The conversation on the tape is between him and some Hollywood PI (Anthony Pellicano)

Here are the highlights (my favorites are in bold):

8:15CR: "I know the night we went to the Ivy she had on white pants. I only noticed cause my wife's real classy and subdued and I'm out with a girl with big tits and white pants. It's just, I know people were like, 'heeey'."

14:00Pellicano (reading from report): "He tried to pull out and ejaculated on her thighs. She immediately got up and went to the bathroom where she cleaned up with a Kleenex. She put the Kleenex in her pocket."

14:55CR: I've been so set up...
AP: Did you come on her thighs?...
CR: I had a rubber on. I probably took it off right when I was getting ready to come. I probably came on her ass.

22:00AP: Did you stick it in her? Without a rubber?
CR: No

29:05AP: We're going to get her one way or the other... Does your old lady know what's going on?
CR: No. She thinks it's over, put it that way. She knows of it.

30:05CR: Rape is just fucking, buzz, you know?... Once your accused of rape, you're just FUCKED, you know?
AP: That's why i want to blacken this girl up, totally. I want to make her out to be a lying, scumbag, manipulative cocksucker... Stupid bitch
CR: I'm fucked. I'm better getting caught with needles in my arm. WAY better. Needles, with pictures, there's Chris Rock shooting heroin. Much better blow to the career.

(h/t: WWTDD via LiveLeak

Best. News. Ever.

2008-03-06T10:21:00.000-08:00

Three posts in 1 day = boss in 3 consecutive hours of meetings.

Anyhow, I might be late to the party on this one but I just heard the best news of 2008. Friday Night Lights will be back for a 3rd season. Other than Lost, this is the only show I religiously watch. Compare this to 2006 when I had a solid 7 definite shows per week along with a few I would watch under the right circumstances. Thank you writers strike for limiting my choices and forcing me to watch more college basketball. Out of any show I have watched in my 26 years on this planet, FNL is the best. There is not a close second. The sad part is, I don't know anybody that watches it. The show has consistently averaged 6+ million viewers over the past two seasons and I don't know one of them. It has been critically acclaimed as the best sports show to ever hit prime time yet I can't convince a single friend, coworker or family member that its worth an hour per week.

Whatever, the fact remains its coming back for season 3 and I couldn't be happier. With that news, I couldn't really care less who watches it. If you don't want to watch now, your loss.

Some other FNL reviews -
http://www.deadlinehollywooddaily.com/nbc-picking-up-friday-night-lights-after-partnering-on-it-with-directv/

http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/television/2007/10/08/071008crte_television_franklin

Bill Simmons

From Chuck Klosterman -
Friday Night Lights is such a brilliant, effective TV show that -- sometimes -- I don’t enjoy watching it. Very often, I will feel on the verge of tears throughout an entire episode; it is the most emotionally manipulative show ever made. Part of it has to do with its brilliant use of music; if you play Explosions in the Sky loud enough, the process of hanging drywall can be a life-altering experience. But the larger reason Friday Night Lights is so moving is the way it taps into all the conservative impulses most mediacentric intellectuals try to ignore. The show’s moral code is so traditional and pure that it borders on cliché. It’s reactionary in the best possible way. Whenever I watch it, I find myself thinking, I bet my parents would love this. Which is probably why I was certain that FNL looked like CBS.

I watched Friday Night Lights exclusively on DVD. I am now aware that it’s an NBC production, but I didn’t know that when I saw the pilot. And it absolutely looked like CBS to me. It looked a little like Dallas or the NCAA tournament. And it still looks like CBS to me -- because I made that happen. Perhaps thirty seconds into the first episode, I interpreted positive depictions of conservative ideals in its presentation, I associated them with the tradition of CBS (Murder, She Wrote; Barnaby Jones; etc.), and I tricked my optic nerves into seeing FNL the same way I might see Cagney & Lacey or CSI: Miami. I don’t know how, but I did. And the fact that I was wrong once indicates I was never really right before. My ability to tell the visual difference between networks was both true and false. What does that mean? Maybe nothing. But maybe this: The relationship between success, experience, and reality is less concrete than logic might dictate. For years, I was able to see a difference between networks, even though they were identical; I was getting the right answer, but I was asking an unrelated question. This happens all the time, to everyone. We will never know how we know what we know. Which is why you should never place your faith in the hands of a person whose greatest strength is answering his own questions.

Double Life? Sounds Good To Me

2008-03-06T09:54:00.001-08:00

Two posts in one day = slow day at work. Anyhow, I found this little nugget in Time Out Magazine. Kind of a trashy little city read but seems much more entertaining than The Metro or Boston Now. This month's cover is about leading double lives. I was drawn by the JPM Analyst by day, Cabbie by night story which was plenty interesting. Then I got to the following story.
-------------------------------------------------------------
I am a... happily married guy / happy-ending addict.

I’m just coming from there now, the spa. Yeah. I wasn’t planning on it—it’s always an impulse thing—but then I guess it isn’t totally, because I do know that I’m definitely going to go at least three, four times a month. It’s not exactly a double life, but I feel wrong doing it—it gives me this weird sense of power, which feels good and also, I know, is shitty. I don’t want to be some Patrick Bateman–like douche bag, all full of himself. But I can’t stop. I’m married, but I love to get hand jobs.

It started with online porn. I’ve only been married for a year and I love my wife. Really, it’s an intense, open connection. And our love life is good—this isn’t about being dissatisfied. It’s about new experiences. The porn wasn’t enough, so I started looking up escorts—in-calls. There’s this site, the Erotic Review (theeroticreview.com), where these dudes post about their experiences. The rip-offs, the sure things, what to do. I was reading them and realized I didn’t want to have sex with another woman. I couldn’t do that to my wife. So the posts about the Asian spas looked great. No intercourse, just a hand job.

The first time, I went to this place White Hyacinth (243 W 30th St between Seventh and Eighth Aves, suite 501; 212-279-6644), and it looked like a real spa, in a legit business building. They gave me a shower on a table, a bad massage and nothing after. I didn’t ask—I didn’t know. So then I went to this other place that got amazing reviews, Gold Spa (128 W 36th St between Sixth Ave and Broadway, 212-947-0544). I walked in one workday morning, because that’s how you beat the other dudes. There’s an Asian chick there. She takes me into a small room. And it’s like—she got right down to it: stroking me, she took off her top, I’m sucking on her nipples. No sex. Again, it was about the new experience. To be honest, I wasn’t thinking, I’m so turned on. It was more like, Wow, these nipples are different than my wife’s nipples. Do I like that? I don’t know. But something’s working. Afterward, when I leave these places—especially if it’s cold outside—I see everything in HD. I’m so relaxed.

I got to work that day and felt like, Man, if these people knew…They’d never guess, they’d never know. I’m Mr. Clean-Cut IT Guy. But if they did…I’ve been back to Gold Spa—and White Hyacinth, which turned out to do something similar, if you ask. And I also tried this place called My Heavenly Hands, which advertised on Craigslist. Latin women. You go to this studio apartment right over the Ed Sullivan Theater where Late Show is filmed, which I think is funny.
Each time I go after work to any of these places, I feel like I’m shedding my office personality and doing my own thing—something that’s mine. I feel that way when I come home, too—not guilty. I compartmentalize it. I tell my wife that I was at work late. If that’s what I need to be the perfect worker and decent husband, then I deserve it. See, again, I sound like a complete asshole. But I don’t know any other way to, you know, feel clear.

(h/t Dealbreaker, Time Out NY)

What a Night for Jumpball

2008-03-06T09:40:00.000-08:00

After the week from hell (2/18 - 2/22) littered with losses from URI, Duke and the C's, we were due for some better fortune. Last night, it arrived. Duke absolutely throttled a bad Virginia team, which was expected but impressive nonetheless. Despite winning their previous 3 games, they had to come from behind a couple of times and looked terrible shooting the ball. Last night, every body got hot at the same time. They were lights out from behind the arc and the team turned in their best rebounding effort of the year. They had boatloads of 2nd chance points, something you don't often see from a team with no size. It was a very satisfying win, much more so than Coach K's 800th vs. NC State last Saturday.

As a result of the Duke game, I did not watch much of the Celtics/Pistons. However, I did catch the 4th Quarter in its entirety and I was thoroughly impressed with the way the C's stretched their lead over the final few minutes and ended the game. Compare that to the way they finished their first matchup with the Pistons (losing by 2 at home after having the lead for most of the 4th quarter) and you can see the growth this team has experienced. It's only March but they are poised to make a very deep run come playoff time.

1987 = 2008

2008-02-28T19:18:00.000-08:00

Lenny Clark has always told it like it is. For my money, he's the best comedian out there and it's a god damn shame all of his TV work has been so underrated (except for Rescue Me of course). Anyways, HBO aired this clip tonight and its the first I've seen of it. Have a watch and tell me that everything he talks about in 1987 isn't the exact same as it is in 2008. The terrorism, the drinking and driving, the everybody hating America - it's unfuckingcanny.

Now far be it from me to get all political on a sports blog, but what are all these assholes out there talking about when they say this country is a mess. If you're going to sit here and tell me that we are worse off after 8 years of President Bush than we were before he took office, I'm going to tell you that you're on another planet. Lenny performed this skit 21 years ago and the only thing that was different then was his coke habit and those thin ties. Outside of that, we're living in the same world my friend.

Sorry for the two posts in a row with You Tubes. I'm getting lazy, sue me.

Oh Man

2008-02-27T05:47:00.001-08:00

This is ridiculous. I can't stand Rachel Ray and I really don't like HJ's (who am I kidding, I love them) but this video made my morning. Whoever spliced this cut deserves an Oscar, pronto.

(h/t Dealbreaker)

My New Hero - Or Another Reason to Rip Wisconsin

2008-02-26T07:02:00.000-08:00

Check out this skeevy dude in the background of Monday night's Marquette, Villanova game. Instant classic.

Also, why is he holding a radar gun? Definite spaz.

(h/t - The Big Lead)

Stuff White People Like

2008-02-23T13:22:00.000-08:00

In my constant search for new and mildy entertaining blogs I stumbled upon Stuff White People Like. In a word, genius. I spent hours looking up and down the list, studying the eloquent prose. After reading about each item on the list, I found myself nodding in approval. It was all so true. If it wasn't something that I could directly relate to, I could easily think of 5 or 10 white friends that it would apply to. Many of the things listed were universally applicable to the white race. I mean find me a white person who doesn't like Mos Def or Asian girls. Can't do it.

At anyrate, I have re-posted the list for your convenience. I even put the best ones in bold. However, I strongly encourage you to visit the source to get the full write up for each item. I should also mention that the list is growing. There are currently 73 but a handful of new ones are added each week.

Stuff White People Like

1. Coffee
2. Religions That Their Parents Don't Belong To
3. Film Festivals
4. Assists
5. Farmers Markets
6. Organic Food
7. Diversity
8. Barack Obama
9. Making You Feel Bad About Not Going Outside
10. Wes Anderson Movies
11. Asian Girls
12. Non-Profit Organizations
13. Tea
14. Having Black Friends
15. Yoga
16. "Gifted" Children
17. Hating Their Parents
18. Awareness
19. Traveling
20. Being an Expert on YOUR Culture
21. Writer's Workshops
22. Having Two Last Names
23. Microbreweries
24. Wine
25. David Sedaris
26. Manhattan (Now Brooklyn Too!)
27. Marathons
28. Not Having a TV
29. 80's Night
30. Wrigley Field
31. Snowboarding
32. Vegan/Vegetarianism
33. Marijuana
34. Architecture
35. The Daily Show/Colbert Report
36. Breakfast Places
37. Renovations
38. Arrested Development
39. Netflix
40. Apple Products
41. Indie Music
42. Sushi
43. Plays
44. Public Radio
45. Asian Fusion Food
46. The Sunday New York Times
47. Art Degrees
48. Whole Foods and Grocery Co-Ops
49. Vintage
50. Irony
51. Living By The Water
52. Sarah Silverman
53. Dogs
54. Kitchen Gadgets
55. Apologies
56. Lawyers
57. Juno
58. Japan
59. Natural Medicine
60. Toyota Prius
61. Bicycles
62. Knowing What's Best for Poor People
63. Expensive Sandwiches
64. Recycling
65. Co-Ed Sports
66. Divorce
67. Standing Still At Concerts
68. Michel Gondry
69. Mos Def
70. Difficult Breakups
71. Being the Only Other White Person Around
72. Study Abroad
73. Gentrification

This, That and The Other Thing

2008-02-21T11:45:00.000-08:00

Good News - I've decided to take a position as a paid blogger on a new site. I've linked to these guys before and now you will be able to see my genious on display over there. Here's the link, bookmark it. http://duelingcouches.blogspot.com

As for the money, I would rather not get into the details. Let's just say its enough to live in Southie but not quite enough for the Back Bay.

--------------------------------------------------------------
In other items -

I will go on record as saying the winner of tonight's UMass/URI game will get into the Big Dance, the loser will join the NIT. 2nd biggest game of the week behind Memphis/Tenn.

Candace Parker going to the WNBA is bad for college basketball. Like many have said, I will not watch a WNBA game but I watch plenty of Women's CBB action just so I can see her play.

And We're Back

2008-02-18T08:12:00.000-08:00

I missed a lot in 11 days. Lots of NBA trade action, all the pitcher/catcher nonsense, Kelly Pavlik beating Jermaine Taylor again and I'm sure plenty of other things I have yet to read about. The biggest news for me was the unveiling of the SI Swimsuit Issue. Ever since my dad would steal these from me as a kid under the guise of me being too young to read it, I have eagerly anticipated the magazine's arrival. I'm no longer a subscriber so I now must buy it at the newstand with all the other pervs in the world but the anticipation is still the same.

Readers of this site will know that this year's issue is a bigger deal than normal for me. During my absense from reality, SI announced the cover would go to seven year vetran Marisa Miller. The issue dropped on February 12th and you damn well know the first thing I did upon arriving in Boston was picking up my copy. I've gone through it about 4 times now and my first reaction can be summed up in two words. Fuck and Me.

Don't get me wrong, there could be a few more photos of dear Marisa but supplemented with the online content it is gangbusters. This means a lot coming from me. I just spent a week and a half in a nation where 75% of the female population under the age of 23 could star in their very own Maxim (or SoHo if we want to keep it local).

I guess the moral of the post is that coming back to this shitty ass city with its shitty ass weather was not easy. The SI Swimsuit issue and its lovely cover have made this reality just a little bit easier.

Hiatus, Bitches

2008-02-06T21:06:00.000-08:00

Well I'm off. Romney looks to be on the ropes and with an uncertain political climate at home, I'm heading to the stability that is known as Costa Rica. Good times.

Regular posting will resume on President's day. Until then, peace.

P.S. If boredom overtakes you, head on over to Dueling Couches

Signing Day

2008-02-06T18:23:00.000-08:00

Signing day was today. I don't really care. But apparently we were supposed to pick a player to latch on to for his college career. I read Rivals and occasionally scan the EPSN top prospects but other than that it all kind of bores me. Let me know when these guys pick up their first sexual assualt charge or get busted for buying booze for 15 year olds. My pick is Kevin Hart, a lineman from Nevada. I don't know dick about him and didn't really care to find anything out. Allegedly he paid some recruiter to hook him up at Cal. Nobody informed him that blue chip athletes get paid, they don't do the paying. Boy I would love to see this guys SAT scores. Anyways, here's the story as I originally saw it. April Fool's Signing Day

BMack and DP were a little more thorough in their own research. Here are some snippets from the novels they sent in.
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BMack -

I have found my new love in college football. His name is De'Anthony Curtis (Ed Note: The ESPN write up was provided however its long and boring so go to ESPN.com if you really give a shit). This freak of nature will be attending the great school of Arkansas. He is going to be the next Mcfadden, and will win at least one Hiesman Trophy. There are many reasons to enjoy this "Athlete". Take his first name, De'Anthony, any person thats put De', or Ja' in front of thier name has greatness in thier future. JaMarcus Russell, DeAngelo Williams (college), and a personal favorite from back in the day Jamar Tombs (Texas A&M). The next reason to love him is that he has the same last name as my favorite NFL player ever Curtis Martin. So how can we possibly go wrong. De'Anthony will also be in a system that is losing thier top two running backs, and loves to run the ball. With the Arkansas system in place he will get a lot of touches. Playing in the SEC helps a player reach that next level since you will be playing NFL ready athletes on a weekly bases.

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I always get extremely excited this time of year. This is the time that I get to become some young mans biggest fan for the next 5 years. Other people I have loved in the past have gone from Adrian McPherson, Troy Smith, MarcusVick, Josh Freeman, basically black qbs.
The Player who I am choosing to be the next superstar is E.J.Manuel, the 6'5 210 QB from Virginia who recently signed with Florida State.

Ed Note: DP also provided ESPN write up. Still long, still boring. Lots of stuff about strong arms, fitting balls into tight sports, lateral movements, speed, cock as big as a horses, blah, blah, blah. Look it up if you are so inclined.

Site News and NFL Offseason Grumblings

2008-02-05T18:25:00.000-08:00

As we are always trying to raise the bar here at Contract Year, I am pleased to announce a new contributor has joined the force. In addition to DP and myself, fellow URI degenerate BMack will be providing fresh content for the site. Both DP and BMack are fortunate enough to still attend URI as they were academically red-shirted about nine times each. If you are in Southern Rhode Island, you can check them out on 90.3 (or stream them live on http://www.wriu.org/) on Tuesdays and Fridays. Or if Comcast continues to fuck us on the game selection, you can hear them call Rhody basketball games on the same station.

With that said, here is BMack's cherry popper -
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Today the Jags signed defensive coordinator Gregg Williams, after he had tried to get the head coaching position with his former team, the Washington Redskins. Williams has had several interviews (like nine) with the Redskins, but Snyder has continued to look for outside help.

This pisses me off. Redskin players have stated that they want Williams as their head coach since the moment Joe Gibbs retired. This team has a core group of guys that include Campbell, Portis, Cooley, Fletcher, Springs, ect... They are built to win as it is right now. All that is needed is a year of stability (you know like one without a changing of the entire coaching staff, or a brutal killing).

Instead Snyder decides to go look for another big name. Listen, get your head out of your ass, unless you can get Coughlin, its a pointless search. What have big names gotten you in the past? Remember that awesome signing of Bruce Smith past his prime? He has to be worst owner in the NFL (and only because Matt Millen is GM not owner). Snyder let the one guy that could have brought stability to his team, and I hope he pays the price. I hope he gets nothing but holdouts, and no one resigns.

Screw you Dan Snyder.

Reaction to XLII

2008-02-04T19:05:00.000-08:00

There is not a whole lot left to say. I feel like the Patriots forgot who they were and who got them to 4 Super Bowls in 7 years. They left the blue collar, workman attitude at home and brought some brash, arrogant, privileged sense of entitlement to Arizona. It reminded me of the scene from Two for the Money where John Anthony shows up to work on Tuesday and makes all his picks for the following week without a drop of research. He then offers to make his picks for two Sundays out on Friday. He was untouchable, he just went 12-0 the prior week and brought untold millions to the firm. What happened to Brandon Lang you thought as he whipped around New York in an AMG, rocking $3000 suits. That was the Patriots for the past two weeks. Well, John Anthony proceeded to get humiliated for the remainder of the season and the Pats ended up blowing the most winnable game in Super Bowl history. It makes me sick and I'm not even that hard of a Pats fan. I admire them, I respect them and since Belichick came to town, I have appreciated them. I'm not sure I can do any of that anymore.

That's all I got. DP's got a little more. From a true non-fan.
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Like I said in my first post I despise both of these teams and after watching the Super Bowl my hatred only grew. Here are a couple things that infuriated/amused me. I will start with the G-MEN:

Far too much credit is being taken away from the Giants d-line and given to Sheli Manning. If not for the defensive line the G-Men wouldn't have been in the game. Eli Manning would not be talked about if a couple of tips went the Pats way. If Asanti "get paid" Samuel made a necessary and easy interception, if Merriweather made an interception on the tip, and if not for David "40yards in the regular season" Tyree making the catch of his career Eli Manning would be thrown under the bus.

This was my greatest fear going into the game and has became true. Yes, Eli did heave up a pass that is in the conversation for the greatest play in Super Bowl history. Yes, The Giants completed the greatest upset in NFL history, but if not for the Giants D-line pressuring Tom terrific the Giants would have hardly been a footnote in history.

Brandon Jacobs Sucks, he should be cut and not spoken about at all ever again.

As for the Pats:

It is really, really relieving that I do not have to hear them being called the greatest team in NFL history.

They trademarked 19-0, HAHAHAHA

Junior Seau STILL doesn't have a ring.

Can everyone smell Randy Moss starting to get disgruntled?

Tom Brady was not terrible. In fact, he did what he needed to do to win the game, but its good to see immortals in the football world get knocked down to size.

Is it me or is "The Genius" Bill Belichick the most Classless human being onthe earth. Him walking off the field is absolutely despicable and very Randy Moss like. Fuck Belichick and his arrogance. I hope he doesn't make it to the play-offs ever again. I find that worse than Eli Manning's draft day stunt.

This will be my last Patriots/ Giants bashing. God I still hate both these teams. (At least Jarod Lorenzen gets a ring)

GO CELTICS -- DP

Kevin McHale Can Breathe Easy

2008-02-02T09:25:00.000-08:00

It looks like ex-Celtic GM Chris Wallace struck again, trading away all-star Pau Gasol for Kwame Brown, rookie Javaris Crittendon, Gasol's bro Mark Gasol and first round picks in 2008 and 2010. You have to agree that the Lakers hit a home run with this trade. I am not fond of the Lakers and especially Kobe Bryant. However the lakers now have two good centers once Bynam comes back and Gasol is a great passer which you need to be when you play on the same team as the rapist. Also, Gasol has three moreyears left on his contract. As a Celtic fan I definitly do not want to see the Lakers in order to get 17. - DP

Presented Without Comment and for No Good Reason

2008-02-01T10:59:00.000-08:00

Perspective of a Non Fan

2008-01-30T19:41:00.000-08:00

Since I'm in Arizona for the week covering the Super Bowl festivies (Maxim Party tomorrow night, Penthouse Party on Friday night), I have invited a guest to write some fresh posts to keep content flowing around here. This means I take no blame for any gramatical errors and can't stress enough that none of these opinions are my own. Editing is at a minimum around here - I'm too busy trying to find out what Phoenix did with all the whores since Craig's List shut down the casual encounters for the week. Fucking mormans out here. Who knew.

Hopefully DP will keep posts like these coming and bail me out once and a while.

Going into this weekend’s festivities I have had a hard time deciding who to root for. You see I hate both the Patriots and The Giants so this was my plight. Also, I do not agree with people saying I should not root for anyone, I mean you have to root for someone.

Cons for Pats:

I hate Patriot fans, If you ask any Patriots fan they will say that they were there with them the whole time, but if you think of it were they really? I consider Patriots fans the most fair-weathered fans in the world, maybe even topping the Yankees for worst fans ever.

I hate the Belichick aura. I agree he is a great coach, but don't you think people are a little quick to go to their knees when they think of this guy. Sure you can say "he hasn't had the tools that any other team has" but other than their first Super Bowl victory against the Rams that isn't completely true.

Tom Brady - girls love him and guys want to be him. Fuck that. Up until this year I would have said he was the most overrated QB in the league and that Peyton Manning was indeed a far superior QB. After this season however, I just can't do that, and I would lose all of my credibility if I truly believed that now. He's great and I hate it.

Bulletin material - c'mon at 18-0 is there really a need to start bringing up bulletin material. Plaxico Burress did say his team would win 24-17, who cares, he wants his team to be a Super Bowl champion. Can you blame the guy?

Rodney Harrison, I used to love you when you were on the Chargers, but you lost all credibility in my eyes when you got caught for steroids.

Laurence Maroney (had him), Randy Moss (didn’t have him), Wes Welker (didn't have him), Dante Stallworth (had him) Fantasy football reasons.

Tedy Bruschi - speaking of people getting on their knees and overrating people, this man is by far the worst Linebacker on the team and has been for years and gets all the credit for the defense. It does not make sense how Vrabel and Thomas get completely over-looked to this first class asshole. If the Patriots give up a big play it is due to him.

On the brink of history and the last thing I want to hear is them be called the greatest team for years to come.

Cons for Giants:

To put this in the most non offensive way as possible almost everyone on this team is a GIANT HOMO.

Eli Manning - hated him since he was at Ole Miss, and since his classless draft day debacle I have despised him. There are so many things to hate about Eli - His family, his double stuffed Oreos campaign, his little whiney face every time someone does something bad on offense (usually it is him). He is so over-rated and if not for the Giants D line he would be nowhere close to Super Bowl. He kills the dream that one day Jared Lorenzen, the hefty lefty from Kentucky, will ever play And finally, he just looks like a douche bag.

Tom Coughlin - he looks like an angry ferret, and has a very homosexual smile.

Tiki Barber - he used to play there, nuff said

Michael Strahan - fake sack record, huge gap in his teeth, terrible voice, basically everything about him sucks.

Brandon Jacobs fucked over so many people fantasy wise.

Disrespect Card - we get it Giants, you are an underdog. You do not need to remind everyone, every day on TV. Get over yourselves and focus on the game ahead.

Jets fans - for having their "2nd favorite team" be the Giants. Shows how good of fan you actually are.

Pros of Pats winning the Super Bowl:

Giants fans being unhappy

72 Dolphins who are all bitter old men soon to be rather unhappy.

New York losing again

Seeing Eli never being called a great quarterback for all next season

Eli's moping shoulders.

Pros of Giants Winning:

Seeing Pats fans unhappy

Hearing Pats fans make up excuses about referees, and phantom calls

I’m a Steelers fan and that would be awesome

Hearing the Patriots be called the most over rated team in NFL History

Seeing Amani Toomer win a Super Bowl, and junior Seau not

So after taking this all into consideration, I have to say I will root for the Pats (unless Eli gets hurts and Jared Lorenzen comes in)

Jeremy Stevens is a Great Guy

2008-01-29T18:43:00.000-08:00

It is early but I am prepared to nominate Jeremy Stevens as the biggest scumbag of 2008. Granted, most of which makes him scum took place long before 2008 but many of the actual facts are only coming to light now and retroactive superlatives are douchy.

I'll leave some of the more disturbing items (rape, attempted murder, 19 DUI's, etc...) to the Seattle Times which published this piece today. Instead, here is an email he sent to one of his sexual assault victims back during his time at the University of Washington -

"i know that you are not going to beliewhat i have to say especially after satterday night but when i got your e-mail today i laughed a first but then it started to sink in and my heart started to break as i read over your words.

"i realize that i have [messed] up and I want to talk to you about being with you and how i can make it up to you. this is not a joke i want to have you in my arms and know that you are mine and ythat nothing that i have done or [a friend] has said caould ever change the way that i feel about you. when i think back to the night that i spent with you by ourselves i wish that i would have done one thing and that is, i wish i would have put ... "

Stevens then describes, in explicit terms, an anal-sex act he wanted to do to her. He closes with: "you whore dont ever utter my name again."

Classy guy. But then again, Mike Holmgren vouched for him...twice.

The story in the Seattle Times is a 'part 1 of 4'. The next few days should be interesting.

More Duke

2008-01-28T12:50:00.000-08:00

The weekly rankings came out (Duke remains in the 3 spot behind the only two undefeated teams left) and with them came the newest installment of bracketology. Personally, I do not put much faith in Joe Lunardi because its highly unlikely that he is even 25% right this early in the season. However, I do enjoy his commentary - especially this week.

Unfortunately, his columns are behind the brick wall on the four letter (if you have insider, click here). For your edification I have re-posted the highlights here.

Clearly, the Bruins did something that will never be repeated. The expansion of the NCAA field and the melding of geographic regions make it an unthinkable feat. Just matching the seven straight championships would require winning 42 tournament games in a row.

As Bill Walton would say, it's un-BEE-LEEEVE-able.

But it may no longer be the singular accomplishment in the history of the college game. As dynasties go, what Mike Krzyzewski has done (and is still doing) at Duke deserves a legitimate mention. Perhaps twice.
All of this is brought to mind by today's bracket. You'll see the Blue Devils as a projected No. 1 seed for the first time this season. No surprise there; Duke is a regular on the top line of the bracket, right?

But did you know how regular? If this year's Blue Devils actually attain a No. 1 seed (and even if they don't), no team has ever -- and I mean E-V-E-R -- come close to being this good for this long. Whether you find it magnificent or monotonous, the numbers are the numbers:

• From 1999-2006, Duke was a No. 1 seed seven times in eight years. The Blue Devils won just one national championship in that span, but were no worse than one of the four best teams in the country - and usually better than that -- in all but one of those seasons. I call this dynasty "Duke II."

• The "Duke I" dynasty came from 1986-1994. In that nine-year period, despite receiving a No. 1 seed just twice, the Blue Devils advanced to the Final Four seven times (including five straight from 1988-1992). So, at minimum, Duke won four straight NCAA Tournament games -- same as the UCLA title teams -- seven times in nine years. Three times the Devils won five straight in a single tourney (losing the championship game in 1986, 1990 and 1994), sandwiching their consecutive 6-0 title runs in 1991 and 1992.

It's not 10 national championships in 12 years, as the Wizards of Westwood achieved, but I'd say it's equally unthinkable. Seven No. 1 seeds in eight seasons (and quite possibly eight in 10 years if the current Blue Devils stay put) for Duke II; seven Final Fours in nine seasons for Duke I.

As an achievement, my vote stays with UCLA. For difficulty, Duke has surpassed that. Twice.

Don't Look Now

2008-01-27T19:58:00.000-08:00

But this year's Duke team is well on their way to a fourth national title (as predicted by this guy a few short months ago).

For the first time in a long, long time, The Blue Devils entered the season without a ton of hype. Expectations were rather low and while they were certainly expected to finish in the top 3 in the ACC, nobody (except me) thought they would be the 3rd best team in the nation at the end of January. Everybody called them too young, too inexperienced, too short, too slow, too white, too whatever.

Well here we are, basking in the glow of a Maryland defeat (the same Maryland that edged Final Four favorite UNC). For Duke, it was their second road win in 5 days and their seventh straight win since the tough road loss to Pittsburgh back in December. Tonight's win was especially refreshing given that they had to play from behind in a hostile environment. They also had to play without Lance Thomas, Greg Paulus and Kyle Singler due to early foul trouble.

Once again, Demarcus Nelson put the Devils on his back and carried them down the stretch. Its no coincidence that Nelson was named as a mid-season candidate for the Naismith and Wooden POY awards prior to the game.

Say what you want about their chances come March but this team will definitely be a tough out for whomever is unfortunate enough to draw them.

You Know Who You Look Like?

2008-01-24T21:54:00.000-08:00

This guy Trevor I used to know in high school.

Who the fuck cares? Do I know Trevor? No, I do not. So what exactly was the point of telling me I look like him? I hate that shit. It doesn't matter who it is, I've heard it all.

I guess the worst case scenario would be a "hey, you look like my ex-boyfriend Steve". Not only is it annoying as fuck but I really can't see how that would help your cause. "Oh really? He used to beat the shit out of you while watching midget porn? Seems like a great guy. Anyways, I'm nothing like him." Tell me how that works out for you.

Slightly less aggravating? The "has anyone ever told you that you look like celebrity x?" Yeah, I hate that one too. Even if its a great celebrity, no chance you will ever live up to him. Maybe it is a D-list celeb, either way the guy is D-list for a reason. Probably a reason you do not want to be associated with.

The only thing more annoying is the do you know "x" game? Tell someone you went to the University of Bumfuck and they will pepper your ass with 20 'do you knows'. There was a time in my life where I would get legitimately excited if I could answer yes to one of these. Now, as soon as I hear the 3-word preface I'm tuned out. By the time you get the name out, I'm already balls deep in some broad halfway across the bar (figuratively speaking of course).

Is this what we have been reduced to as a human race? Stupid games about who we know or who we look like? Do the French do this? How about the A-rabs? I would guess no on both accounts. Something tells me they are a bit more sophisticated. So why must we resort to this time and time again? I just don't get it.

Trading Athletes

2008-01-23T20:09:00.000-08:00

In the premiere issue of Portfolio Magazine, Michael Lewis (author of The Blind Side, Moneyball and Liar's Poker) penned an article entitled "The Jock Exchange". The basic idea behind the article is that with all the innovation that has taken place in the finance world over the past 25 years, why has nobody created an exchange where we could trade athletes.

Athletes are really not much different than stocks, bonds, commodities or any other asset. Their value is based on supply and demand and they have fair values assigned to them by what the market is willing to pay. Just like a stock, an athlete can be overpriced (think JD Drew and Google) or they can be severely undervalued (David Ortiz and JP Morgan).

As we find out in Lewis' article, the infrastructure is already in place thanks to a company called Protrade (http://www.protrade.com/). Currently you can only use pretend money to trade but all of the logistics are the same.

If this ever went mainstream, the ramifications would be huge. The ability to have a financial stake in the success of an individual player would revolutionize the sporting landscape. Teams would be able to hedge their bets (for instance Theo would probably be short about 2,000,000 JD Drew shares) and sponsors could do the same. Fans could put their money where there mouths are and institutions would have a new way to diversify their funds.

The simple idea of all this taking place has had my mind spinning since the moment I read the article. Imagine my glee when I discovered we might be one step closer to making this a reality.

With no exchange ready to handle the business, one minor league pitcher is striking out on his own to raise a little capital.

Via Marginal Revolution -

Randy Newsom, relief pitcher for the Cleveland Indians, is selling 4% of his future major league salary. There are 2,500 shares in the IPO so each share gets you a claim to 0.000016% of his future salary including bonuses. Shares sell for $20 each.

The fundamentals are pretty simple. Randy gets $50,000 up front and the buyers get a tiny stake in his future. Granted, this guy is a nobody and statistically, his odds of making to the big leagues are rather slim. Worse case scenario, you plop down a Jackson on the guy and he's a bust. But what about the upside? He only needs to make 1.25 million over his career for you to break even (ignoring opportunity costs of course). What if he is the next Mo Rivera? If he brings down half of what big Mo has received over his career, your $20 is now worth $560 (a %2600 return).

I'll admit, this is one small step towards my ultimate dream of being able to buy and sell humans from all walks of life. But it is a step nonetheless and progress is progress. Let's not forget, in 1980, mortgages were something that consumers bought from banks and banks held onto until you paid them back. In 2008, everybody and their mother owns a piece of the mortgage market and they are the primary cause behind the unraveling global economy.

In 2020, we'll be looking at our next financial crisis except this time it will be caused by an athlete bubble led by the overvaluation of Patrick Patterson, Kyle Singler, Jacoby Ellsbury, Darren McFadden and OJ Mayo. I can't wait.

Maybe We'll Have to Wait a Year

2008-01-17T09:05:00.001-08:00

Two days after announcing he would forgo his senior season at Ole Miss, Michael Oher changed his mind stating that there was some unfinished business back in Oxford. You could tell that it bothered him that he was never able to help the Rebels win a bowl game despite all the personal achievements.

In the present day, to see a marquee athlete leave guaranteed millions on the table just to play another year at the collegiate level is extremely satisfying. Especially in a sport like football, where you never know how far away you are from that career ending injury.

I honestly believe that there is more than just winning a bowl game driving Oher back to school. Graduating college is something he would have never thought possible 8 years ago when he was living on the streets in Memphis. In May of next year, he will be the first in his direct bloodline to receive a college degree, just like he was the first to get his high school diploma. I also believe it would mean something to him to leave a little bit of history at Ole Miss. His adoptive father was a stud point guard for the rebels during the early 1980s and was recently named to the All-Century SEC team.

So in the end I think it is a win, win for everybody. The best news is that the Patriots will likely have a top pick in the 2009 draft after Matt Cassel leads them to a 3-15 record.

With The Seventh Overall Pick...

2008-01-16T07:23:00.000-08:00

The New England Patriots select Left Tackle Michael Oher out of Mississippi.

At least they damn well better make this pick. This guy is a freak of nature. He is the next Jonathan Odgen, except 10 times better. I realize the Pats are not in desperate need on the offensive line (like they are at linebacker, safety and QB...you know after Tom retires in February) but it has always been Pioli/Belichick policy to draft the best player on the board. Oher is the best player on the board and there are no close seconds.

Oher started 34 consecutive games over his three seasons with the Rebels and earned All-Southeastern Conference honors each of the past two campaigns, helping pave the way for BenJarvus Green-Ellis' back-to-back 1,000-yard rushing campaigns.

Can you imagine an O-Line consisting of Matt Light at RT, Nick Kaczur at RG, Dan Koppen under Center, Logan Mankins at LG and Oher at LT? Matt Cassel would have the best protection the game has ever seen. And not just for the next year or two, Oher is the type of guy that will make 15 consecutive Pro Bowls.

Am I buying into the hype a little too much on this guy because I read The Blind Side cover to cover in about 6 hours? Probably. But even if that book is only 50% accurate, this guy is the real deal.

If you haven't read it, I would highly recommend it. It is Michael Lewis' best work to date and easily one of the top 3 or 4 sports books ever written.

Big News

2008-01-15T07:12:00.001-08:00

I won't pretend to pass this off as my own. Although I could, since too many people have not been turned on to Kissing Suzy Kolber - the greatest blog yet to be spawned. But I won't. I will give credit where credit is due.

Anyways, I have reprinted an entire post word for word (except I corrected one mistake). When it happens, you can say you read it on Contract Year first. Enjoy.

BREAKING NEWS: Brady Contemplating Retirement

As you know, we are not news site. We don't even try to be one. Trying to break news in the blogosphere is like trying to be the first in line at the DMV. Our job is to crack cheap dick jokes and concoct phony dialogues about how big of a tool Philip Rivers is. And Good Lord, is he ever a fucking tool.

Bust something came by our desk last night that we simply can't ignore. And we got to it first! Nice!

I attended Michigan for a grand total of ONE semester back in the mid-90's, but I stayed there long enough to become friends with a guy named Graham (not his real name) from San Mateo, California. If you know your Dreamboatology (and why wouldn't you?) Graham hails from the exact same town as the one and only Tom Brady, and was friends with Brady in high school and all the way through college.

Now I had lost touch with Graham until a while back when he emailed KSK with a link, without actually knowing who I was. Reacquainted, we shared emails over the past year and had some back forth about Brady.

Graham, turns out, remained decent friends with Brady after college and through his rise to stardom. I always prodded him for info about Brady, but he never had much of anything interesting to report. He also became very good friends with Bridget Moynahan when she and Brady were a couple.

Now here's where it gets mildly somewhat interesting.

I wish I could tell you Graham nailed Moynahan (whee!) but he didn't. This is far more innocuous. Since Graham now resides in Los Angeles, and since he sees Moynahan on a far more regular basis than Brady because she too lives there, she gained "custody" of Graham as a friend after the breakup, and he fell out of contact with Brady, who has shrunk his number of close friends as he's grown more famous, in an attempt to safeguard his privacy.

But, in a twist, as Graham has lost touch with Brady, he's learned way more about him as he's become good buddies with Moynahan. And yesterday, he sent me an email that contained this pretty choice nugget.

Dude, Brady's gonna retire. he told Bridget after the season was over he was definitely going to retire so he could help raise the kid. As it stands now, he's pulled between football in Boston, New York where Gisele is, and LA where his kid is. So he said retiring from football would get rid of one of the drags on his time. And after the Pats go 19-0, he knows he'll never top that.

Only reason he'd stay around is to be the first QB to wing five SB's, but he doesn't seem to care all that much. He's the kind of guy that can live without the game.

Indeed. Who needs football when you have goats to milk and models to bang? Anyway, this whole bit of knowledge strikes me as horseshit, with Brady just making empty promises to his lady. It would be like me promising my wife I'll never eat strawberry preserves straight out of the jar in front of our kid again. Oh sure, I mean it at the time time. But do I follow through? Nah.

But Graham says Brady has been talking to friends about retiring for the better part of the season. I asked if Belichick was also going to retire, but he didn't have an answer for that. I have no clue why Graham let me put this out there. But I'm not quibblin'. Nothing he's told me in the past about Brady has been incorrect, so throwing it out there. It's a KSK Exklusive!

So enjoy 19-0, Pats fans. You may be looking at the end of an era.

Monday Morning Douche Bag

2008-01-14T19:37:00.001-08:00

Now that Philip Rivers has solidified his place as Sunday Afternoon Douche Bag, its only fitting that we hand out the Monday Morning award. It is not too hard to guess where this is going, especially since it's not yet Tuesday so Easterfuck is out of the running. Yes, I'm speaking of the one and only Peter King.

I realize that bitching about a PK article is only slightly less played out than ripping Bill Simmons. It's been done all over the internet. I get it. But this week, I cannot help myself.

This is supposed to be the Peter Gammons of football. He is the most widely read and somehow, the most respected writer out of the NFL bunch. Yet on the day after what was arguably the greatest divisional playoff weekend in NFL history, he delivers the dud of the season.

For starters, the cover of his column includes a shot of his two favorite players Brett Favre and Tony Romo along with the aforementioned Sunday Afternoon DB. I hadn't read a word yet and already knew what I was in for.

Once into the piece, I quickly realized that the entire thing would be an extended version of his Aggravating Travel section. He basically summarized his travels from Thursday through Sunday in excruciating detail. The thing that really blew my mind was that due to all his traveling, he "caught snippets" of the Pats/Jags. Look, this isn't week 1 anymore where it is physically impossible to catch all the games. This is the playoffs we're talking about here. There were only 4 games played all weekend and all of them were shown exclusively with no overlapping and no interruptions. Yet you caught snippets?

The obvious question is what got in the way of the Saturday night game? I mean it couldn't have been yucking it up in a crowded Green Bay bar with a bunch of hysterical, overweight Packers fans right? Tell me you were travelling or the cable went down, something. Sadly we will never know.

In the offensive awards section, King praised the play of Tom Brady - "New England QB Tom Brady. I wish I'd gotten to see this performance, play in and play out. I caught snippets."

I'll tell you this much, I don't get paid to watch football. Most people I know don't. I watched all four games, "play in and play out". Most people I know did the same. How is it that a guy getting paid well in the six figure range to watch, dissect and analyze games only catch 75% of the action. Tom Brady's completion percentage was 18% higher than PK's watched games percentage. Good news Big Fella, there are only two games on next week.

Hey, but at least this week's column unearthed quality nuggets like this -

Now we had built up a little bit of trust and had been talking for a while. Here came the big guns. "This is going to sound weird," he said. "I dream about this guy. I dream that I'm going shopping with him. I'm not kidding. I'm just saying, we worship Favre."

It's Practically The Same Thing

2008-01-11T22:50:00.000-08:00

Slaying vag and applying to colleges - one in the same.

I developed this little analogy at the bar tonight so it is raw, but I think it works. However, there is one instance where my theory will not hold true and that is slaying vag while in college. Whole different ball game so we'll exclude those four glorious years.

Seriously though, in both cases you have a ranking system for how you analyze the prospects. The rankings change over time depending on various inputs such as grades, extracurriculars, athletic accomplishments, body fat percentage or even hair cuts. In their most simple form there are reaches, safeties and targets. On the extreme ends of the spectrum, there are the unattainable and the undesirable.

In any social situation you will have some Harvard's or Yalie's walk through the door and while they are fun to fantasize about, short of 1600 on the SATs, you are not getting through that door. At the end of the night, who really wants to get through that door anyways? Probably all high maintenance and shit. Fuck 'em.

Then the reaches come strolling in. You know, the high end state schools (UVA, NYU, Cal, etc...), the Georgetown's, BC's, whatever. Attainable? Absolutely. It won't come easy though. Basically, you are counting on a down year in admissions or some pretty incredible luck. If you get into one of these places you'd be an idiot to turn it down. Take out some extra loans and make it happen but don't hold up your life waiting for it. Oh, and don't bother with any wait lists - huge waste of time.

We all know about the safties and the undesirables, the UMASS Dartmouth's, ITT Tech, U Phoenix', etc... As soon as you catch glimpse, you do your best to steer clear (i.e. color between the lines in primary school). Slump bust if you must but not a good plan. Certainly not looking out for your future.

Then there are those targets. Those URI's for example. You know you belong and so do they. You get caught drinking in the dorms but its no big deal because the privilege is mutually exclusive. It is the best of all worlds. That is where I want to be and so that is how I will approach the bar scene here on forward.

Regardless of how you choose to view things, I think we can all agree on this - in both cases, Asians always have the last laugh.

Ok, maybe just with the school part but I needed an excuse to drop the above picture. Work with me here.

In Case You Missed It...

2008-01-08T11:07:00.000-08:00

(via Awful Announcing)

Highlight of the BCS Championship Game

2008-01-07T19:21:00.001-08:00

Yes, highlight is singular as there was only one. And it had nothing to do with the game itself.

Instead, it occurred during the 2 hour half time show. As if there weren't enough vested interests from Fox's on-air personality (Eddie George, Urban Meyer), the network decided to put Troy Smith and JaMarcus Russell on right before the start of the 2nd half. Troy shows up wearing Buckeye red while JaMarcus opted to play it a bit more conservative. Any by conservative I mean....

Except even worse, with a much stronger hint of vomit.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is QB1 for your Oakland Raiders.

As for the actual highlight, it was Troy Smith's 30 second "what the fuck are you wearing" look, immediately followed by a "did you really wear a dashiki to the game and what is that tribal shit hanging off of your neck" look.

Follow Up

2008-01-05T00:42:00.000-08:00

After having posted that last little blast on our boy TB, I have received some indifferent feedback. That's right, not negative, but indifferent. What in the fuck you ask? I know, I know. In the very least I expected some hate from some TB loving females.

Wait one second??? Females read this site? Well no, not exactly. It was really just me telling some females about my post and them reacting first hand but it's 4 am, I'm bored so fuck it right?

Back to the matter at hand...the attention was INDIFFERENT. You and I both know that every female in the greater New England area has reached climax dreaming of Tommy's chin dimple pressed firmly against their grundle (do girls have grundles?). For a girl to say they were indifferent regarding the golden boy is damn near blasphemy. I would just assume hear that the same girl did not masturbate or did not have mildly inappropriate thoughts about their first college roommate than to hear they weren't sexually stimulated by the greatest quarterback of the 18th, 19th, 20th and 21st centuries.

My favorite part was the rationale. "He's not even a good father" or "He doesn't even have nice hair". Fuck me in the eye. Is this not the same guy who begged Bridge to wear a condom only to relent to her constant promises of diaphragm insertion? Is this not the guy who plays jokes on all of use by purposely fucking with his appearance on all the pregame shows just so we don't all get wet and lose focus on what is important (the game)? The hair? Bad parenting? What is that?

How Does This Happen???

2008-01-04T12:26:00.000-08:00

Before -
After -

How does one go from a nerdy looking, flat chested 22-year old boy to a 30-year old stud pulling down the hottest pussy on the planet all while wearing homoerotic scarf's and wallet chains from the late 1990's?

Take a good, long gander at exhibit A. Tom is sporting the body definition of a bowl of Jello. He makes Matt Sarasin look ripped. This looks like a guy that couldn't have lead Northeastern's football team let alone one of the top 4 or 5 programs in college football history.

8 years, 3 Super Bowls (including 2 SB MVP awards), 1 knocked up B+ list actress and 1 world-class super model later he's the object of every female's affection and he's about to lead a real NFL team to the first ever 19-0 record.

I've said it before, I'll say it again - Steroids. The only way all this was possible.

OU = Frauds

2008-01-02T20:27:00.000-08:00

Two years in a row, two Fiesta Bowl's in a row, two humiliating defeats in a row. Such is life for the Oklahoma Sooners in the 21st century.

I'm willing to give them a pass in last year's one point loss to a feisty Boise State team. For my money, the 2007 Fiesta Bowl was the greatest football game ever played. It was the Marissa Miller of football - college or pro.

This time around? No way. They are playing in a virtual home game (you know, 1000 miles closer to Glendale than Morgantown is) against a demoralized team coming off the biggest choke job in college football history. At game time, the Sooners were anywhere from 8-9 point favorites and truthfully, it should have been more.

Despite all this, WV came out swinging and you knew it was going to be good when they were able to hold OU to a 7 and out, 3 and out, 3 and out, & 6 and out in their first 4 offensive possessions. Then you knew it was going to be really good when 280 pound Owen Schmitt rumbled 57 yards for the first TD of the game.

Still, there was no way the Sooners and the "great" Bob Stoops could blow two BCS games in a row right? I mean at some point, the OU offense would start grinding and WV's supposedly inept defense would wear down. Hey, if nothing else, all those bullshit calls against the Mountaineers would catch up and even the playing field. No?

I guess not. As I sit here inside of 5 minutes to go in the game, OU is down by 20 and anything they can do WV can do better. They are playing as if their only goal coming into tonight was to make us all forget about how terrible Florida played on D yesterday. If thats the case, consider it a job well done boys.

I couldn't be happier.

P.S. Nice pick elpres - I can't wait for your next "Mortal Lock"

Anatomy of a Genius

2007-12-30T15:05:00.000-08:00

17 weeks ago I made my first pick in a suicide pool I entered for the 2007 NFL Season. I remember it like it was yesterday. I took Seattle at home against Tampa Bay. In hindsight, this was the dumbest pick I made all year. I do not remember my logic at the time other than trying to avoid burning any gimme teams. It was not like this was Seattle's easiest game on the schedule but I used them either way.

Since making this decision, I have made 16 other correct ones and now stand at the top. 850 people attempted to do the same and failed, miserably. (There were actually 4 others who went the distance but for the sake of argument we'll assume I was alone.) I have never really won anything like this before, at least not anything with any serious money at stake. Who knows if I will ever reach this point again, so allow me to gloat a while.

The last thing I want to do is make this seem like it was a tougher feat than it really was. I'll be totally honest with you, it was pretty easy. I had no strategy other than trying to avoid road teams. The goal every week was to keep it simple. The people who lost out usually did so by trying to be too sexy with their picks. For me, it was look at the schedule, find the most obvious game and take it. The picks were straight up, there were no spreads involved so there is really no excuse for making dumb picks. Here are some real stupid picks I saw along the way -

Week 1 - Jacksonville vs Tennessee. Cost 86 people dearly.
Week 2 - Cleveland at Cincinnati. So many better games on the schedule. It was week 2, not 14. Not a smart pick and another 80 found out the hard way.
Week 10 - New Orleans vs St Louis. After nine weeks, you're telling me the best you could do was a sporadic Saints teams? Chicago or Buffalo would have been fine choices.
Week 12 - Arizona vs San Fran. Are you really going to stake your hopes to an NFC West teams? This cost 30 people who were so close to the prize.

Why would anybody make those picks? If you want to make the argument that you were trying to get some questionable teams out of the way early (Jax in week 1 or Cincy in week 2) I can kind of see that but it all goes back to getting too cute. Some advice to you amateurs - never look more than a week down the line. You have to win today to play tomorrow, use some common sense.

Instead of berating the picks of others, I guess I will share a little bit of perfection with you. Below are my picks, all 17 of them. Scan the list, admire its simplicity and as a result, its genius. Oh and please don't tell the IRS.

Seattle over Tampa Bay
Denver over Oakland
Pittsburgh over San Fran
Dallas over St Louis
New England over Cleveland
San Diego over Oakland
New Orleans over Atlanta
NY Giants over Miami
Washington over NY Jets
Buffalo over Miami
Philadelphia over Miami
Indy over Atlanta
Minnesota over Detroit
Green Bay over Oakland
Tampa Bay over Atlanta
Jacksonville over Oakland
Cleveland over San Fran

Second Half

2007-12-28T08:34:00.000-08:00

Pre Game
First Quarter
Second Quarter

3rd

Ray Allen before the game said he had an “odd” feeling playing in Seattle, well its time he gets
over it and quick. Pierce and Garnett are the only ones doing the scoring while Rondo needs to do something offensively or defensively I don’t care (that was hard for me figuring I have a man crush on him) Delonte is manhandling him more than (enter any rape joke here) but Boston needs to get some motivation and not let Seattle run with their fast break, their transition defense needs to be there. The ball on the offense has not been moving around like we have seen earlier this year. Three words will win the Celtics this game and that is DEFENSE, DEFENSE, DEFENSE and the bench needs to do something.

Ok it’s the start of the third quarter. Sloppy play in the first minute. Again the ball movement is terrible on the Celtics end, and Seattle gets the ball back and takes their first lead on a Wilcox dunk. Sonics 48-47. Pierce and Durant trade threes. Boston has had great ball movement all game, Garnet gets an and 1 with 9 minutes left. Ray ALLEN finally for three, I’m starting to feel a little momentum shift the Celtics way. Just as I say KG doesn’t get to the line he shoots 8 so far.

A little rant - TNT camera angles suck, it’s like sitting in the bleachers.

RONDO FINALLY DRIVES IN THE LANE AND GETS FOULED. Hit’s the first, misses the second 61 to 57 Boston with 4 left in the 3rd. KG looks a little tired as he loses the ball, I think pollard will replace him when play resumes. Durant goes down the other end of the court and gets fouled after making a lay-up and makes the free throw. KG out Pollard in. Wally and Delonte are both back in. 65-63 Boston on top. The Truth has 11 points in the 3rd quarter and thank god because the rest of the team is playing like shit. Pierce makes that 13 points. So far I am a believer in Kevin Durant; he looks like the real deal he is the only one keeping the Sonics in the game.

At the end of the 3rd Boston is leading 70-67 thanks to Pierce’s efforts. Again we need guard play because eventually pierce will run out of steam. KG had a healthy rest coming out of the game with 3 minutes left in the 3rd so hopefully he is refreshed for the fourth quarter. Wally and Delonte kind have settled down and stopped being ridiculous which is a good thing going into the fourth quarter.

4th

Boston starts the fourth with House, Pollard, Posey, Pierce, and t. Allen. House hit’s a quick 2. Pollard picks up his 3rd foul on Delonte who misses both but Collision tips it in. HOUSE FOR THREE AND GETS FOULED. I’ll tell you those Arizona guards can shoot. Pollard picks up his 4th. JESUS CHRIST Paul Pierce is amazing and you can contribute that to the excellent ball movement in this second half. Eddie House has come off the bench with 7 points in the 4th quarter making it an 81 to 72 point game.

Things have calmed down a lot in this second half. Eddie House has been great along with the Truth. This run has also been going on without KG or Ray Allen in the game. Paul’s on fire with 30 points in 36 minutes. The thing that really changed this game was the transition defense which has only allowed 4 fast break points in the second half. Kg in for Pollard. PIERCE FOR THREE AND FOULED he is playing like a man possessed. Missed the free throw but whatever. Posey for three got it. 9 of 17 for 3 point in this second half. You got House, Pierce, R. Allen, Posey and KG in so it looks like we got our bombs away squad in. Boston has pulled away to a 91- 77 lead and seems like another game of same shit different day. However I will wait until my closing before I get too far ahead of myself.

Boston is 9/13 so far in this quarter. Delonte gets an up and under for his 17th point to make it a 93-81 game. But KG gets fouled on the other end of the floor. On another rant I hate Chris Wilcox I think he sucks, I hated him in Maryland and hate him now. He’s a waste of time along with his teammates from the Terps Lonnie Baxter and Juan Dixon. All wasted draft picks. Meanwhile it is an 11 point game Delonte got it down to a nine point game but KG responded and got the lead back to double digits. With 2:30 left in the game earl Watson makes it an 8 point game. KG will go to the line again. Hits both of them. 10 point lead with 1:30 left. As the game gets to the end here comes the fouls, Pierce gets fouled on the inbound and hit 36 and 37. With 44 seconds left the score is 104 to 94 and pretty much have this game wrapped up. But I will tell you what this game scared me for a little bit. It seemed like Ray Allen was sort of out of it, Rondo was a non factor, but when it came down to it The Truth set himself free and Eddie house was unbelievable off the bench. This team regained its composure. And like it should be the better team won and the Celtics are 11 and 1 in the month of December.

Second Quarter

2007-12-27T20:35:00.000-08:00

Pre Game
First Quarter

Second Quarter

Celtics are starting the second quarter with t. Allen, pierce, house, Posey, and pollard. Eddie house knocks a quick deep 2 down. Everyone questions this second unit for the Celtics but I really like it. I think not only are they quality players, but I would put our bench against most teams benches. They don’t only manage but they sometimes take over games.

Wally just scored 5 consecutive points but the Sonics are still down by 5. Meanwhile Paul Pierce goes to the free throw line and is it just me or does Paul always look like he smells something bad? Pierce knocks down both free throws. I am a huge Tony Allen fan but the more and more I think of him I can’t stop thinking of the barstool article relating him to Wily Mo Pena - some games he frustrates the hell out of you and other nights you question why he isn’t starting in this league. Pre injury last year Tony Allen played like a superstar and I believe once he gets all healthy he will be the explosive player he once was.

With 8:57 on the clock the Celtics are up 32 to 27. Pierce our R. Allen in. As much as I downplayed Delonte earlier I do miss him and his growth, he is a baller he can just play and will do what he needs to do to try to win. KG in Pollard out. Wally ties the game up at 32 with 7 min, but Posey ends the run with a 3. Watching this Seattle team it reminds me of the Celtics of last year. Rondo in for House. Tie game at 37 with 5 left. The Celtics need to settle down right now they are not playing like the passing team we’ve seen for the first 25 games and we are letting the Sonics control this game, exactly what happened with the Pistons.

Delonte and Wally have been keeping the Sonics in this game, they obviously smell revenge, we need ray Allen to stop being the nice guy and start bombing up some threes like we all know he can. Being a Celtics fan I am getting very frustrated at the way they are playing. Seattle has 7 turnovers but yet the score is still tied. Jesus for three…… got it, assisted by Rondo. KG blocked 2 consecutive possessions by Seattle. KG great pass inside to perk for the 2 and the foul. But Perk dishes the freebee. What the fuck is going on with Wally and since when did he become great. We need Rondo to start being a factor on the offense. 42 to 41 with 3 min left. Boston takes the time out. I’m about to pull my hair out right now, they are playing like shitheads, and I don’t know how they have 9 assists and zero turnovers. It doesn’t make sense how this is a one point game. They are letting Seattle run and that is where their game is the strongest. Doc needs to start pressing and make them more aggressive on defense or Seattle might be more trouble than they need to be.

Rondo steals the ball passes it quickly to Garnett and Delonte West commits an extremely hard foul, Garnett looks pissed. If I was Delonte I’d shit myself after seeing how pissed he was. Garnett hits one of 2. Kevin is pissed and hits an impossible jumper. Meanwhile the Celtics are playing like shit, and guess who is leading the charge, Delonte and Wally. At this point I must be sounding like a broken record, but they are showing some heart right now while Ray Allen seems to not even be playing. So at halftime the Celtics are up 47-46. I’ll break down the points now: Boston KG 14 points, 7 reb, 2 assists, pierce 11,3,2 perk 8,7 rondo 0,3,2 meanwhile Seattle Durant 8,3 Wally 12 points Delonte 11,3,6 and as you can see that is the whole game. I praised the Celtics bench earlier but so far they are MIA while Seattle’s bench has been unbelievable and Wally and Delonte are killing us. I’m going to take a break and cut myself over how their defense has been playing and how they are playing in general.

First Quarter

2007-12-27T20:22:00.000-08:00

Pre Game

First Quarter

Since I’m in Canada and only one station plays basketball games I have to wait until the Cavs vs. Mavs game is over. Well while I’m watching this game I will comment on a couple of things: 1) I hate Dirk I think he is over rated and people should stop sucking his dick 2) WHY the fuck does Erick Dampier have a job I could do just as good of a job than him and 3) what the fuck happened to Larry Hughes remember him? Yea, not many people do; he used to be a factor in this league. Another little rant to is on Damon Jones, Damon Jones sucks and has always sucked, he has been making a fuss to get traded - a guy who has averaged 7 points for his whole career should have no leverage at all for where he goes, just because he is a veteran doesn’t mean anything. Hey Damon shut it and be a “Witness” to Lebron James and realize in his rookie year he accomplished more than you did in your whole career. Meanwhile Cleveland is winning by 5 with 1:20 left in the game. 10:48 pm Lebron Hammers the nail in the coffin with a thunderous dunk game over.

Anyways here comes the Celtics game at 10:48 your time 11:48 my time. Before the game Seattle honored Ray Allen for being a nice guy but seriously let’s get on to the Celtics vs. Sonics.

The Celtics start out with their normal 5 Rondo, Allen, pierce, kg, and perk and Seattle starts with earl Watson, pg Kevin Durant sg, Chris Wilcox pf, Damien Wilkins gf and Kurt Thomas as center.

Garnett with first points in the game, I have to say it is sad to not hear Tommy's raspy voice. The thing that Boston has a knack of is passing the ball too much, which is difficult to be a bad thing. So far Boston is doing exactly what they should be doing in pushing the ball up by Mr. rondo. The main guys that we need to do is make sure Durant is not comfortable shooting and not get Chris Wilcox into the game. Pierce has the honor of guarding Durant which will be difficult for him. Kg staring off the game hot with 7 of the first 9 points.

With 5:50 in the game the Celtics are up 9-6 with perk about to head to the line. If you have watched all season perk has been very shaky with his free throws and fouling problems, but I figure if he can average 7 points and 7 rebounds it will be gravy for this team. The one thing I wished KG did better would be getting to the line more, I was looking at his stats and he only
averages 4 free throws a game if he can get that up to 7 or 8 that would be great and very conducive for this team. Perk sinks both free throws to make him and Kg the only scorers of the game. Pierce is struggling a bit offensively so far, but he will be able to bully around the wiry bodied Durant. With 4:00 in the 1rst ray Allen scores his first points than Durant responds with a three the score is 15-12 Celtics. Like I said earlier Paul was able to score his first points of the game by bullying Durant in the paint. With 2:00 left in the first Boston leads 20-14. So far in this game Durant looks like the real deal offensively scoring with a certain type of ease. WALLY enters the game and turns the ball over like a schmuk. KG out Pollard in. big surprise Wally steps out of bounds another turnover for Wally world. With ray Allen the thing I have been most impressed with is his cleverness in driving to the hoop. Delonte also checked in, and knocks down a three. So at the end of the first Celtics up 24 to 19. So far the Sonics have been hanging
in there but we have yet to see the firepower of the big three yet.

A C's Post? Why Not.

2007-12-27T19:36:00.001-08:00

And not just any old post, it's live blog time.

Dave Pearce will be live blogging this game from Canada. If you do not know who he is and and you are from the Rhode Island area listen to 90.3 WRIU on Tuesdays and Fridays from 12:30-1 where he is the host of the “Sports Guys” as well as the play by play AND colorman for your #25th ranked Rhode Island Rams.

Pre Game

Since I'm watching this in Canada, it'll be one of the few games I will not get to here any Tommy Points.

When I first think of this game you think to yourself this is the second game in a row on a West Coast trip and when you talk about the west coast, you automatically think that the west is going to produce good teams. Well as the beast of the east (fuck the pistons) the Celtics held the Sacramento “Queens”to only 69 points. The next victim will be the Seattle (maybe Oklahoma)Sonics who will suit up some familiar faces. During last years draft we traded our first round pick (Jeff Green) along with Delonte West and Wally “World” Szerbiak for Ray Allen and a second round pick which we used on Big Baby Glen Davis. So far it looks like a good trade for us figuring Delonte “don’t call me injury prone” West and Wally are bench players, where as Ray Allen has re-emerged as a superstar in a different type of green.

Seattle is a team that is in certain disarray with an 8-20 record led by rookie Kevin Durant. In the off season they lost both Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis which forced the rookie Durant to be a young leader. Like I said earlier just because they are a West Coast team does not mean that they are good.

Opinions on the trade: well I loved Delonte, hated Wally and we didn’t need to get any younger so for Danny Ainge's ass saving off season I believe it was a move you had to do. Especially if that will lure you Kevin Garnett out of Minnesota. As much as I “believed” Delonte West was going to once be a star in this league I can see him being no more than a solid all around player for instance, a Chucky Atkins type of player. I don’t even want to talk about Wally cuz he just sucked and was a waste of time for everyone. Jeff Green I loved at Georgetown and I hope he has a good career but the Celtics didn’t need a player that is decent but not great at everything. Ray Allen spreads the floor making it easier for Pierce to penetrate and when KG gets double-teamed an easy three points because he will likely be wide open. Plus he is Jesus Shuttles worth.

What I have noticed most about the past couple games was the emergence of my favorite player on the team Rajon Rondo. I love the fact that the pass first point guard is starting to get more comfortable with his jumpshot. That will do everything for the boston Celtics if people have to start guarding him closer and will ultimately leave one of the “Big Three” wide open. And ifanyone cares the holiday bowl score is 28-10 with Texas in the lead.

So Roger Goddell is the new Bud Selig?

2007-12-26T14:24:00.000-08:00

Who thought the NFL would turn into a bunch of pussies when push came to shove? I sure as shit did not. The way the Commish has been handing out fines and suspensions (not to mention revoking first round draft picks), it looked like there was no way in hell the Pats/Giants would be seen on any network other than the League's own.

Not only did I think the league would toe the line, I honestly believed it should have. It is their product, they have the right to show it however they want. This is the last game of the season the NFL Network will show and other than a few jokes, there has really been no outcry over the prior half dozen. In fact, I consider those that missed out on the prior Thursday night/Saturday night games to be quite lucky. They were not forced to experience the Bryant Gumble show in all its glory.

Now all of a sudden there are few records on the line (most notably the 16-0 "perfect season") and everybody is an activist. There are cries from all walks of life to open the game up and show it on a network we all can watch. John Kerry even took time out of his busy *yawn* schedule to pen a masterful letter to Rog. At first, the grassroots efforts appeared to be DOA. The League announced the game would remain on its network. Why the change of heart?

Grow some balls, tell the spineless politicians and toothless, redneck fans the game stays. You want to watch it, pony up and pay the $5 a month to add the NFL Network. Its $5 and as soon as the game is over you can call up and cancel it. Or you could keep it and get a whole plethora of offbeat sports networks along with the NFL's. Either way, it is $5.

A Real American Pastime

2007-12-22T11:29:00.000-08:00

I hate the winter. I hate everything to do with the winter. More than anything, I hate the snow. It is not even Christmas yet and we already have 3 goddamn feet of the shit. I will be miserable from now until March. There is, however, one huge silver lining to my misery.

Snowballing Cars.

There is no single act on the planet that provides the cheap, wholesome thrill you get after douching an unsuspecting motorist with a grapefruit sized ball of snow. Why I am able to get such a rush off this is beyond me. It probably has something to do with the fact that I have the mentality of a 14 year old. Either way, I love it.

I added a new twist during the most recent snowfall - Attacking Cabs. Walking home from the bar I must pass 50 of them. The best part is, there is no shame in doing it and there is no chance they are going to stop and chase you. When I was a kid, it was all about the chase. If the driver didn't stop, half the fun was zapped right out of it. I'm too old for that shit now. I don't need to be hiding behind snow banks and cutting through backyards trying to get away from some pissed off lowlife stupid enough to chase a kid around. No, I want to stand right out in the open, hit the car and move on with my life. That is what makes cabs so great. Especially if they are carrying passengers.

Company Xmas Parties

2007-12-20T22:53:00.000-08:00

So far we have kept it all sports for the most part so excuse me for getting off track.

Tonight's topic is Company Xmas Parties. Mainly how mine was cool but how I work with a bunch of pussies.

For clarity's sake, let's paint a picture. A Shitty Fanuel Hall bar, You, me and 500 others from J.T. Marlin's Boston offices. (seriously, 1st person wins a prize...JT Marlin, where is it from?)

The night starts well. Real well. Everybody is getting fucked up and why not right? As time wears on, we have some guys bailing. No big deal, we have the crucial pieces still in place.

Then 10:00 strikes and all hell breaks loose. All of a sudden it's back to the old high school pit parties and people got curfew's and shit. Fucking crazy. 30 year olds with places to be. And don't even get me started on the two 30 (40) year old's who couldn't even bless us with the courtesy to show up due to prior engagements - delivering presents to the needy (queer) and shoveling the driveway after 2.67 inches of snow (also queer).

Seriously, we are talking 2.67 inches on the drifts or two free drink tickets. Hmmmmm let me think about that. You spend 364 days of getting hard ons looking at that cute broad from tax and here is your chance to cop a cheap feel on your way to the bathroom yet you'd rather go shovel a few inches of snow? Good on you.

Thank god to the young blood in the family. Thank god to the recent college grads who still remember how to live for two seconds. Once a year. This is all we get.

I will tell you this much....we have 364 days until the next one and if I am the last one standing again then fuck you all. You will have let me down and I will forever be disappointed. Again. You Homos.

Cherry Popping Reader Response

2007-12-19T19:33:00.000-08:00

Less than two months in existance and I'm already getting reader email. I've decided to publish it in its entirety, read it if you want. Or don't, I don't give a shit. Pretty excellent points though.

Ok so who's the real victims here..... is it the fans, the students, or us the sports voyuers... It's simple the process.... 1st) the school for conducting an interview in May of last year and waiting through two starting QB's and a sh*tty bowl invite to act swiftly & punish those involved. 2nd) the learning specialist ( yeah exactly)....

"The investigation then found the learning specialist also typed papers for five students who apparently didn't qualify for that service and a tutor provided answers or other unethical assistance to 23 students for online tests. The testing involved a single course, which was not identified."

I mean really helping out someone that didn't qualify to have papers typed for them.... Oh please, please let me know what qualifies one for such a service???? Maybe 10 cracks at the PSAT & SAT before getting that milestone 700...I'm sure that guys destined for a fulbright.

And lastly, us the media public... Why, for buying into the guise that these guys can log more travel time than most CEO's, more practice time the tiger woods, all while 'diligently' working 4 hrs plus practice time & their 'full class schedule'. Just think how tired you'd have to be in order to forget you have a test, not go to class to realize you miss said exam, and then miraculously receive a passing grade all unbeknownst to you.... Shame on us for not standing here aghast that the athletic middle youth does all it can to get an edge, the real nightmare is that although shocked we are not suprised. So a bowl loss and a 3- game suspension later these guys will be all back at it again at some other institution. I'll bet Bowden's goofy j-oakleys on it.... as long as dollars reign supreme all will be fine in tallahassee when Nole's get back to the top 10....

Who's Really Getting Screwed Here?

2007-12-18T19:48:00.000-08:00

So Florida State is suspending upwards of 25 players for their upcoming bowl game against Kentucky on December 31st. On the surface this looks like an open and shut case. Student athletes were involved in a cheating scandal, they were caught and now they are paying the price. All in a days work.

I'll admit, I took this at face value when the story broke. But now that the hangover is gone, I'm starting to rethink my position here. Is it me or is the timing of this all a little suspect? This was not a one time deal where some meathead athletes got the answers to a final and used them accordingly. Instead, this was a whole cheating ring involving several academic staff members. Basically a bunch of Jim Harrick Jr's running around down in Tallahassee.

The school has been aware of the problem (which has probably been going on since Bobby Bowden took over the program back in 1937). So why announce results and consequences of the investigation now? Why not wait until next semester? Wisconsin faced a similar problem back in 2000 when half of its football team was suspended for four games as well. Except you know when those players served their suspensions? At the beginning of the season when the Badgers played Western Michigan, Oregon, Cincinnati and Northwestern. They went 3-1 over this 4 game stretch and all of these games counted for shit.

Would that have been too much to ask from FSU? I guess so. Instead, they are screwing over the rest of the team that wasn't involved (or wasn't caught). They are screwing the seniors who will not get a chance at redemption. They are screwing over the student body who bleeds, sweats and cries Seminole Garnet(its a color...look it up asshole). They are screwing future students who will not have the same access to scholarship money since the school will now get a smaller payout after losing the Gaylord Bowl(I swear to God, that is the name of the bowl. You can look that up too). They are screwing the paying fans at this shithole bowl in Nashville Tennessee. And they are screwing the Kentucky team who will now barely have to show up to win this thing.

But most importantly, they are royally FUCKING me by completely fucking with the line for this game. Do school officials not understand the importance of bowl pick'em leagues going on around the country? Do they consider this at all when they make these harebrained shitstain decisions? Now I don't know what to do. This was a high confidence game that I now must relegate to the bottom of my list. Thanks, dicks.

F*ck You, Fantasy Owners

2007-12-16T19:06:00.001-08:00

Do you own me in your fantasy league? Did your playoff hopes depend on number 36 getting into the endzone? God, I hope so. As I broke free around the 12 I had a million thoughts running through my mind. Do I go for the half flip into the endzone? Do I casually cross the goal line and mock T.O.? Or do I go for the Randy Moss slow spin? How about none of the above. How about I lay down on the 1 fucking inch line just to fuck with all you dipshit degenerate fantasy jerkoffs. And you want to know the best part? Reid asks me during the 2 minute warning - "Hey BW, you want the TD, game is over just pound that shit in there". I say "no thanks coach, let's let D Mac kneel it out and take the 4 points".

I can't wait for Peter King, Don Banks and Easterfuck to praise my selfless play. I'm going to be a goddamn legend for this shit. Hell they might bring it up at my HOF induction. All the while I'll be picturing the looks on all your sad pathetic faces. Douche Bags.

This is Not Good

2007-12-13T11:39:00.000-08:00

Say it ain't so Rocket.

Jose Canseco was playing for the Blue Jays in 1998. On or about June 8-10, 1998, the Toronto Blue Jays played an away series with the Florida Marlins. McNamee attended a lunch party that Canseco hosted at his home in Miami. McNamee stated that, during this luncheon, he observed Clemens, Canseco, and another person he did not know meeting inside Canseco’s house, although McNamee did not personally attend that meeting. Canseco told members of my investigative staff that he had numerous conversations with Clemens about the benefits of Deca-Durabolin and Winstrol and how to “cycle” and “stack” steroids. Canseco has made similar statements publicly.

And

Later that summer, Clemens asked McNamee to inject him with Winstrol, which Clemens supplied. McNamee knew the substance was Winstrol because the vials Clemens gave him were so labeled. McNamee injected Clemens approximately four times in the buttocks over a several-week period with needles that Clemens provided. Each incident took place in Clemens’s apartment at the SkyDome. McNamee never asked Clemens where he obtained the steroids.

There is plenty more in the 409 page journey known as the Mitchell Report.

Huge Omission

2007-12-12T18:31:00.000-08:00

How was Alex Curran (wife of Liverpool star Steven Gerrard) left off Co-ed's Top 20 list? Take a good, long look at the above photo and then ask your cock Alex Curran or Jenna Jameson?

Slam, Bitches

2007-12-12T14:20:00.000-08:00

The Original 81 got back doing what he does best - verbal assault.

Taking a break from Philly bashing, TO went after ESPN personalities(way to be original TO, nobody has ever done that before) Keyshawn Johnson and Bill Parcells.

Some of my favorite cuts are below -

"I challenge him to come down here and take my job. ESPN producers, let him go."

"I'm probably the reason he's in the booth now. He's going to be a hater and throw me under the bus because he has to defend Bill. He won a Super Bowl and all, but you'd have to check the roster to know he was even on the team.

"We came out in the same year. He was a first-rounder and I was a third. Go compare our stats. He couldn't come down here now and be a third or fourth receiver on this team. Just compare our stats."

"Those guys are probably talking about me, chopping it up, drinking coffee. They can have their little pity party and talk about me all day long. It doesn't bother me."

Good times in the D. Hasn't really been a good year for Keyshawn after the whole losing a job to a guy he told to stay in college and getting cut by a team that won't win seven games.

The Best Father - Son Tandem in Sports

2007-12-11T14:18:00.000-08:00

The Jimmy Barons win this award by default. Although Jimmy the son will not be able to match his father's coach of the year award with a player of the year (Greg Paulus will be taking that home), this season will be quite a memorable one for the Rhody Rams.

I was going to wait a few weeks to make sure this little run of theirs was legit but the team has started to garner some national attention so here is my shameless alumni gloating.

At 10-1, this is best start for the Rams since the Dustin Hellenga days. Probably even before that, I don't care enough to look. They should be 11-0 but they choked against Boston College in what could have been the team's marquee win come resume time. In the five games since the BC meltdown, Rhody has blown out Toledo and Northeastern, won convincingly against UNH and Providence, and prevailed in a thriller at the Carrier Dome against Syracuse.

It was that last win at Syracuse that started drawing some interest. ESPN.com has URI at #5 in their Mid-Major Top 10 while Andy Katz designated the Rams as his team of the week. Katz has also praised the A10 as a whole fairly regularly this season. The AP poll has URI at #31 and the ESPN/USA Today puts them at #29. Not that I put much stock in RPI rankings before February, but URI comes in at #20 there while they play in the 6th ranked conference.

Want more? How about the picture up above - taken directly from SI.com's College Basketball front page. The attached story is a Seth Davis piece about the rise of the A10, a good read if you have the time.

Oh and who could forget - Dan Shanoff calls out URI as a mid major team to watch.

Where was all this attention during my four year tenure in Kingston, RI? Dickie V came to campus once but only to witness St Joes finish off a perfect regular season. Other than that, I think the ProJo sent a few interns down a couple times a year but that's about it. I feel robbed.

CO-ED on Crack

2007-12-10T19:38:00.000-08:00

So that shitstain Maxim/Stuff Ripoff Co-ed Magazine (oh but they are so edgy, they only exist online) put out their annual "Top 20 Sexiest Athlete Wives of 2007". Color me unimpressed.

That picture above is Elin Nordegren. You know, Tiger's wife. Obvious number 1 right? Wrong. She rang in at the 3 spot. Jeff Garcia's wife (Carmella DeCesare) took home the top price with Scott Podsednik's wife (Lisa Dergan) coming in second. I can't really complain about the top 3 though, all are worthy of consideration.

Instead, my real complaints lie 4-20. All names are linked to Co-ed's profile pages.

4. Adriana Karembeu (Christian Karembeu)
5. Veronica Varekova (Petr Nedved) - Divorced this year. Why does she make the cut?
6. Stephanie McGwire (Mark McGwire) - She's ok but where is Clemen's wife?
7. Jennifer Scholle (James Blake) - Should be 4. Why do shitty athletes score grade A tail?
8. Abigail Clancy (Peter Crouch) - Gross.
9. Jamie Kotsay (Mark Kotsay) - Very underrated. Probably the most respectable on the list.
10. Eva Longoria (Tony Parker) - Seriously? She's lucky to be top 50. Unless this is hot?
11. Danielle Lloyd (Teddy Sheringham) - Hottest natural brunette on the list. Should be 5.
12. Jodi Ann Paterson (Michael Andretti) - 8 years removed from Playmate of the year. Old.
13. Jenna Jameson (Tito Ortiz) - They aren't even married and she has ISSUES.
14. Vanessa Bryant (Kobe Bryant) - Hot at 19, now she's just the girl that drove Kobe to rape.
15. Jennifer Walcott (Adam Archuleta) - Sexy, but not wife material. Doesn't belong on list.
16. Willa Ford (Mike Modano)
17. Anna Benson (Kris Benson) - CRAZY. And not exactly hot. Plus, she's a former stripper.
18. Ingrid Vandebosch (Jeff Gordon) - Another top 50 candidate. Way too high here.
19. Cheryl Tweedy (Ashley Cole) - Very sexy, extremely underrated.
20. Aleka Kamila (Peja Stojakovic) - Also underrated. 19 and 20 should be 7 and 8.

I will give Co-ed some credit. They left of Posh and Arod's wife. Outside of that, I think we could spend all day arguing who got left off. I mean Christ, where is Shonda Schilling?

More Mayweather

2007-12-10T13:56:00.000-08:00

Need some more reasons why this guy is as bad ass as it get? I mean other than the scintillating knock down in round 10 on Saturday night -

Most nights, Floyd Mayweather Jr. hits the red carpet with more diamonds than Lucy's sky.

In the city that's seen a galaxy of big spenders, the 30-year-old welterweight champ is the reigning king of flash and cash.

Name a nightclub or strip club and Mayweather has likely rained thick wads of $100 bills on the crowd, often $10,000 a night. That doesn't include the Cristal champagne he showers on his entourage and club patrons.

"I've seen him (make it rain) at least 20 times in the last couple years," said Branden Powers, marketing director for Forum Shops hotspot Poetry, formerly OPM, one of Mayweather's favorite haunts.

"Pound for pound, he's the best tipper," Powers said. (h/t Las Vegas Review Journal)

Thats right, Floyd likes to make it rain with 100's. Pacman, for comparisons sake, likes to make it rain with singles and its not even his money.

The Most Exciting Athlete of My Time

2007-12-06T11:48:00.000-08:00

At 25, I certainly run the risk of calling this one too early but I feel pretty confident in this much - Floyd Mayweather is the most exciting athlete I will ever bear witness to. There are so many superlatives you can label an athlete with and I really think I have seen all the best. The most clutch in Tom Brady or David Ortiz, the most Dominant in Kelly Slater or Michael Jordan, the most talented in Wayne Gretzky and these are just the general ones. To be the most exciting is as high as it gets for me. Sports exist to excite, plain and simple. Nobody has brought excitement to their sport more than Pretty Boy Floyd.

Boxing has been dying a long, slow death in the US since it peaked back in the 1950's. There are several reasons for this, the biggest being the rise of team sports such as football and basketball. Maybe also because American boxers have largely turned out to be nutbags. Tyson began raping, biting and tattooing his face, Foreman gained 200 pounds and started hawking shitty grills, and Evander decided that age ain't nothing but a number and got beat down by a dude some 13 years his junior. Those are just the big names. Let's not forget Peter McNeelly and Vinny Pazienza - borderline amateurs but first class psychos.

Given boxing's loss of relevancy in the US, it is tough to imagine the most exciting athlete coming from that arena but it really speaks to the person, not the sport. His record is what it is. He is the greatest to come around in a long, long time. He's never lost a professional fight and he's really only been challenged a handful of times. He's constantly fought the best and won convincingly fight after fight. That is not what makes him so exciting. The excitement comes from his brash, arrogant style. In a world of political correctness and touchy feely press conferences where opponents awkwardly jerk each other off, it is so refreshing to have a guy that talks so much shit and BACKS IT UP. Sure Joey Porter talks shit, he's guaranteed how many wins this year? The 'Fins are 0-12. Ray Lewis runs his mouth, the Raven are bound for a top 12 draft pick.

We want athletes to raise the bar as much as possible. We want coaches to challenge their team by insulting their opponent's. How great would it have been if Bill Belichick stood up there before the Ravens game and questioned why the spread was so small. Instead we got to listen to him fellatiate Ed Reed for three solid days. We never have to worry about that when it comes to Mayweather. Take the following quotes from his recent chat on ESPN -

"I'm not going to predict a round, but I can guarantee you he won't make twelve."

"I'm being honest, I haven't had to adjust to his approach. Whatever he tries to do will not matter, because I'll dictate what happens come Saturday night."

"My legacy is already secured. I've proven that by winning six titles in five weight classes in under nine years. This is a great, great fight because I know he's going to bring his best. He doesn't want to let his country down. There will be over 30,000 Brits coming over to the U.S., which is great for the sport. I just relish getting in that ring come Saturday night and proving everybody wrong who thinks he has a chance."

There is no doubt in my mind he will back this up come Saturday night. There is a very good chance that this could be Mayweather's final fight. Then again, we thought the same thing following the De La Hoya fight. For our sake, I hope we are wrong again. If this is the last hurrah then cherish it for what it is worth. We will probably never see another athlete like this again. Whatever you do, make sure you are in front of a TV on Saturday night and pay the $60 to watch the fight, you will not be disappointed.

Live Blogging the Vicky Secret Fashion Show?

2007-12-04T19:53:00.001-08:00

Not a chance.

Never been too good at typing one handed and I wasn't down for channeling Jim Abbott this evening. So instead, here are some quick thoughts during one of the 9 minute commercial breaks.

What exactly does it take to get front row treatment at this show? I mean clearly the cutoff was D-list right? How else do you explain Lauren Conrad and pals in every 13th camera shot? I love me some Hills as much as the next guy but those girls don't qualify for front row at a Sparks game. Also, Eva Longoria? No thank you.

I appreciate the whole Heidi Klum, Seal angle but let's not over do it. I get it, you guys have a great marriage and it is oh so special that such a sexy human being could be enthralled with such a disfigured one. No more prime time make out sessions please.

Marisa Miller is the sexiest thing on this planet. Its not even open for debate.

The Spice Girls were terrible in 1996 and they are terrible now. Their performance made Ashley Simpson's SNL appearance look genuine. Posh could not have looked less involved. Not to mention she was easily the worst looking of the five of them. The next person who tries to tell me how hot she is gets a pencil in the eye.

Ok, maybe the Miller thing is open for debate. Adriana Lima is definitely in the conversation. But for my money, I'm still going MM. When Lima gets in touch with her musical side, let me know and I will reconsider reconsidering. http://www.withleather.com/post.phtml?pk=2135

Alright, time for a sandwich and back for round 2.

Leave it to Juice

2007-12-03T19:28:00.000-08:00

This is priceless.

Mourners also included actor Andy Garcia, whose niece, Jackie Garcia, was Taylor's girlfriend and the mother of their child; and O.J. Simpson, whose children attended the same high school as Taylor.

O.J. Simpson? Seriously? If you were O.J., wouldn't you get the willies just being at a funeral for a young adult cut down in his prime? Apparently not. In addition to just showing up (no mention of whether his kids - the ones that actually knew Sean Taylor - were with him) he also decided to inject a little flavor into an otherwise somber event.

Simpson expressed sympathy for the relatives of those arrested, as well as for Taylor. "It's horrible, not only for him, but for those other four families," Simpson said. "There are four other lives that are gone."

I guess it's only natural for one cold blooded murderer to sympathize with a few others.

On Taylor and Tributes

2007-12-02T15:15:00.000-08:00

I opened up Week 13 in a local bar with The Ticket so I was able to catch the beginning of all the early games. The Washington - Buffalo game probably wouldn't have been one of the six showing had it not been for the tragic death of Sean Taylor. Instead, it was on half of the available televisions. His passing wasn't quite enough to steal the 60 inch projection screen from Peyton Manning and the Colts (I guess it would take a plane crash involving a third of the team to get that kind of treatment), but nevertheless, I was able to catch all the pregame tributes. The video messages and highlights were moving and the crowd with all their "21" towels made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I noticed the entire league was wearing Taylor's number on their helmets and the Skins had a black 21 patch on their jerseys. This was refreshing to see since I know how difficult it is for the NFL change their uniform policies.

There had been rumors swirling all week that the Redskins would open their first defensive series with 10 men on the field, leaving Taylor's safety spot vacant. At first, I thought what a bad ass way to honor a fallen player. Then I thought wait a second, this is the NF fucking L here. The pregame or halftime celebrations are great but as soon as that ball is kicked off it's go time.

If I am Dick Jauron and I see 10 men out there on defense, I'm dropping Trent Edwards back into shotgun formation and spreading that bitch 5 wide. I'm sending Roscoe Parish and Lee Evans on deep crossing routes on the empty side of the field. My team is 5-6, we are barely clinging to playoff life and here is this opportunity on a silver platter. Let's ram this shit down their throats and maybe let Evans realize a fraction of his fantasy value for the first time all year. I'll make my peace with God at another time; I'm winning this game today.

As it turned out, Buffalo chose to run Fred Jackson (Who?) off the left tackle for a gain of 22 yards. Fortunately for them, they won the game on a last second field goal but if you ask me, they could have had the game won on their first play from scrimmage.

Finally

2007-11-29T10:07:00.000-08:00

It only took 17 games for the greatest college 3-point shooter of all time to score in the 2007/2008 season. I guess that's kind of unfair. He's only played in 6 games this year for a total of 37 minutes, 17 of which came last night. Hopefully, his most recent performance will earn him a little more playing time. 4/5 overall and 2/2 from 3-point land is one way to impress your critics. Personally, I couldn't be happier for the guy. I might not be dead yet in my wager that he'd be starting All Star games by his 5th season in the league.

Raw Tempo

2007-11-28T12:53:00.000-08:00

After watching Duke annihilate another opponent on their way to a 7-0 start, I was curious to see how the national media would react to their early season success. Duke came into the game ranked 7th in the nation so it is hard to say they have been ignored. At the same time, this is a team that ended a largely disappointing season by going out in the first round of the NCAA Tournament last March and only got worse since then by losing their only "superstar" to the NBA draft. The Devils were not able to sign any marquee recruits other than Kyle Singler while the rest of the country seemed to get bigger and better. To say the least, there were no expectations coming into this season. I felt lucky to see them mentioned in the back half of a top 20 preview.

Before last night's game, there was talk of being overrated at #7 since they really only had one quality win (albeit an impressive one against Big East power Marquette). I think its safe to say we can put that overrated talk to bed. Wisconsin was not just a second quality win. Granted, they are not as good as they were last year with Alando Tucker, but they still have size and they will compete all year long in the Big 10. Size is something Duke clearly lacks. Their biggest starters are a couple of undersized 6'8" guys and they only count one bench guy over 6'5". Even with this huge disadvantage, they have only been out-rebounded once all year - last night 42-40.

Duke has moved away from its traditional balanced game and now possesses one of the best speed games in the country. With a healthy Greg Paulus running the point and an extremely capable backup in Nolan Smith, the Devils can afford to push the tempo without risking the turnovers. In addition to the improved guard play, they finally have some finishers on the other side. Gerald Henderson can jump out of the gym, Singler can hit from anywhere inside of 30 feet and they have 6 legitimate 3-point shooters. As a team they are shooting over 45% from behind the arc.

All of this brings me back to the title of the post. Anybody who has watched Duke play the past few seasons knows how frustrating games became when they fell behind. Their style of play was slow and they really kept possessions to a minimum. Well, here is some real proof that all this is changing. The hoop prodigies over at Kenpom (http://www.kenpom.com/), keep track of a statistic called Raw Tempo. This statistic tracks the number of possessions a team averages in 40 minutes of play. Pretty simple really. Duke's average since 2002 has been in the 50's which is pretty much near the bottom of the ACC and well below national averages. This worked well when the team was stocked with guys like JJ Redick (41 points on 13 shots against Texas in 2005) and Sheldon Williams banging down low. Without consistent scorers, playing for as few possessions as possible does not bode well for long term success.

Through the first seven games of the 07/08 campaign, Duke has increased its Raw Tempo well into the 70's. This jump is huge, they are averaging 20 more possessions a game now. Even more telling is what they are doing to their opponent's Raw Tempo. Anytime you can get your opponent to play your game at your speed, the chances of victory improve dramatically. In six of the first seven contests, the Blue Devils have brought teams up to them. Marquette already plays a fast tempo game which makes the W in Maui even more impressive.

You might think this optimism is somewhat carried away. After all, we are talking seven games here and nobody believes in mean reversion more than I do. But you can not discount the changes in this years squad compared to any Duke team in this decade. They are deep, they are fast and they can score at will. It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the nitty, gritty months of January and February. If I was a betting man, and it is really only laziness that keeps me from degenerate status, I'm putting my money on a 26 win season. Good luck Tar Holes.

Ten Things I Think I Think

2007-11-26T18:42:00.000-08:00

Is that plagiarism? Oh really? Let me get to work on changing it. Sorry 'bout that Pete. In the meantime, here are my football related thoughts from the weekend.

1. It just happened 12 minutes ago, but its good enough to make #1. Ricky Williams, after not taking an NFL sized hit in 22 some odd months, just picked up a first down on his first carry of the game. For that alone, he's my comeback player of the year. Probably why they won't let me have a vote.

2. Since Ricky won't qualify, is it possible to take your team to the Super Bowl, open up camp the following season as the entrenched starter, lose your job due to ineptness only to get it back since your back up is slightly less competent than you and then win comeback player of the year after taking your team to its second consecutive Super Bowl? You think I'm kidding, but this will happen and nobody deserves it more than the Cannon.

3. The Patriots were exposed. It was only a matter of time before this happened but make no mistake, the Eagles showed the rest of the league how to beat the Pats.

4. Even though the Cards couldn't pull it out in the end, it was great to see Sean Morey get some meaningful time. Morey always had the potential to be the homeless man's Wes Welker but for some reason, he was always relegated to practice squads and special teams. To see him grab that 60 yarder setting up a Neil Racker's chipshot was special. Until Racker's chocked.

5. Thank you Tully Banta-Cain for ensuring the Pats will not get a top two pick in next year's draft.

6-9. Irrelevant. I don't like people wasting my time, I won't waste yours.

10. My thoughts and prayers go out to Sean Taylor and his family. It's a terrible situation that you hate to hear about regardless of who is involved.

Week 12 In Progress

2007-11-25T11:15:00.000-08:00

I hate Sunday mornings. Forget about the hangovers or the fact there is never anything in the apartment worth eating, its the waiting that kills me. When I was younger, I would only have to wait until noon time. That's when the pregame shows came on. There were 3 to choose from, I didn't have a favorite. I would spend the hour flipping between them, trying to find a topic or team that I gave a shit about. How I long for those days. Now my day doesn't get started until 1:05. Why you ask? Because today's pregame shows are absolutely worthless. Its almost as if the network chiefs got together and said let's take a mildly watchable product and flush it down the shitter. Let's bring in the most obnoxious, waspy and douchy on air talent. Let's get rid of factual analysis and replace it with incoherent bloviating. Kudos to ESPN for taking it all one step further by expanding their show a whole hour.

You know what else I hate? The jewelry Christmas commercials that run during every single break. I've been watching football for 2 hours and 28 minutes so far and I have seen approximately 324 Zales, Kays and Beldin's spots. It's football for christ sakes. I don't need this shit. You want to maximize your return on advertising dollars? Air them during Grey's Anatomy. Dicks.

As for the actual games, not a bad slate up in the Northeast. Competitive to say nothing else. Well competitive going into the games, not so much now for the NY Giants. I am not really sure how this is possible but the Vikes have scored 41 points on less than 220 yards of total offense, 60 of which came on the second play of the game. I guess this sort of thing happens when you throw 2 quick-six picks in under a minute. Well done Eli. Thankfully Fox has switched over to the Bucs-Skins. The late game provides two of the most dysfunctional teams in the league - two totally inept offenses and two overrated defenses. If the Chargers win they'll be a game over .500 which pretty much locks up a playoff spot out in the AFC West. Pathetic.

Fianlly, if the Eagles can't cover a 22 spread tonight, they should be immediately relegated to the CFL. I have been in touch with NFL to make sure this happens so at least we'll have something to keep us interested during the rout.

And It Begins Like It Will End

2007-11-22T14:30:00.000-08:00

With banner number 4 going to the rafters.

Yes, that's right, the Blue Devils are back. I know, I know its only a preseason tournament but Kyle Singler and company blew through the competition. Duke won its three games by an average margin of 14 points extending its unbeaten record in Maui to 12 games.

I am going to put it out there right now - Duke will cut down the nets in San Antonio in 2008. Granted, I make this prediction year after year but this year is different. Coach K has assembled a team void of any weaknesses that have plagued them since their last National Title. They are young, fast and extremely talented. Most importantly they have depth. No more 6 man rotations trying to keep pace with the other ACC powerhouses. That means they might actually make it out of conference play with their legs beneath them instead of running on fumes.

Am I being overly optimistic? Probably, but the team is 5-0 and I can't find a potential loss on their schedule until February. So fuck it, title number 4 is coming to Cameron.

Quick Hits From Buffalo

2007-11-20T11:33:00.000-08:00

Its Tuesday afternoon and only now am I beginning to recover from a hedonistic voyage to the armpit of New York. I've heard plenty of stories but never expected Buffalo to be such a shithole. Their economic plight in the 21st century rivals that of Detroit or Cleveland. You would think they would be happy the eight weekends a year when the Bills play at Ralph Wilson and out of town guests come up and dump their hard earned dollars at local establishments. It would only make sense right? Not even a little bit. Logic is in short supply, probably as a result of the city's proximity to Canada.

Here are some more thoughts and observations from the weekend.

Ralph Wilson Stadium is a great venue. Say what you will about the city or the state for that matter, but the stadium is a hell of a place to watch football. Not a bad seat in the house. Compare that to Gillette where you need oxygen if you get stuck high enough up in the 300's. There's also something about bench seating that you just can't beat.
There are two types of Bills fans - Most are scumbag locals who would fight a girl if she was wearing a Brady jersey (don't laugh, this came inches away from happening) while the remaining minority are Canadians sick of the single A CFL product. The Canadians are a little light in the loafers, but much more friendly to deal with.
The trip from Boston to Buffalo is god awful. 8 hours of pure misery.
When somebody tells you to hit the strip clubs in Canada, go to the strip clubs in Canada. They are only a half hour away and you might actually get to see some nudity. In Buffalo, the girls are required to wear band-aids over their nips. They are like flesh toned pasties.
Speaking of the strip clubs, I've come to the conclusion that I have a real hard time distinguishing where the strip club ends and reality resumes. Honestly, it sometimes takes a good two days before it sinks in that you can't actually lear at anything with breasts and 20 dollars won't get you a private showing somewhere out back.
As for the game, well we all saw what happened there. Give the Bills credit, they played it close for the first 7 minutes.

Welcome

2007-11-19T18:53:00.000-08:00

This is a project that has been in the making for a while. I am only about three years late to the blogosphere but rest assured I have spent the majority of my disposable time and energy on criticizing the efforts of others.

I will not waste time with one of those bullshit introductory posts that talk about my likes and dislikes or what I hope to accomplish with my posts. And I certainly will not go into any philosophical explanation of the project's name. The content will be mostly sports related and the bias and hatred will shine through like nothing you have have ever seen before. Enjoy.